Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement – Part Five:

Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement:


This is Laurie and I created this blog for adoptive parents navigating through the difficulties of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Most of my posts are on this subject. Please check them out.

My last four posts were the first four posts in this five part series of encouragements. They were about failure, being afraid, injustice and trust. Please check them out.

Today is the fifth and final post in this series of five encouraging steps. I am using the acronym FAITH to make my points. Today is on the letter H which represents healing. I will conclude by bringing all the words in FAITH together to make the whole point of this series.


H for Healing:

The ultimate goal for RAD is healing. My deepest desire for RAD adoptive families is to heal from the trauma RAD creates. It is truly one of the hardest mental health disorders I have experienced. Which is why I write this blog, give encouragement and divulg all I have learned about this disorder. I want to make your journey a little easier.

So, how do we heal? How do we help our confused RAD children heal? How do we help our children break the vows which cause them to hold everyone at arm’s length – avoiding emotional pain?

A couple of friends and I have discovered a way to pray for our adopted children. The results has progressed our children in the right direction. We have also learned how to put their broken hearts back together again. (I wrote about DID a few posts beck. Check it out). We are seeing change and we are excited!! I feel we are finding some answers to RAD.


Recap and Bring It All Together:

So, the five words in the acronym FAITH are failure, afraid, injustice, trust and healing:

  • Failure – Our children need to fail at manipulation, and control, etc. If they fail in our homes – life doesn’t have to teach them the hard way when they are on their own. Loving them in the failure moments will speak volumes to their broken hearts. This will develop their cause and effect thinking.
  • Afraid – We are all afraid – parents and kids. God knows and wants to sooth our every concern. He needs the lead position for all involved so surrendering to his higher intelligence and power are key. He knows what to do – even giving us peace beyond measure.
  • Injustice – God hates injustice more than we do. He set things up so all in the family would get justice. Lean into His plans and reap the rewards.
  • Trust – It is the foundation for every relationship so if trust isn’t there – the relationship is wobbly. Parents, I urge you to learn the truth about your RAD adopted children together and stay on the same team. Your children need to see this to have a clue about developing relationships of their own. They also need to see they aren’t able to divide the two of you or disrupt the family.
  • Healing – God is the healing answer and He can lead you to the place where your family can heal. Don’t lose heart. Look to God for your answers.

If we bring all of the words in the acronym together we find five steps of daily encouragement. I understand faith is very hard to hold on to in the middle of RAD issues but remind yourself there is a greater power than you possess.

My answer for you in your journey through the difficulties of adoption and RAD issues is FAITH in God almighty. He is the Father of Jesus Christ of Nazareth and He has all the answers if we would just ask and listen.



         Well, this wraps up another series of posts. I will be back next week with a new topic to talk about. Please leave me a comment so we can convers about what is on your heart. Until then…

Joharian Window and Adoption

Joharian Window and Adoption

The next healing tool I’m sharing about is the Joharian window. The men who developed this window were named Joe and Harry – therefore the name of this window is a meshing of their two names.

The heart of this blog is about helping families that have fostered or adopted and are having problems with issues such as RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). I have talked about several issues attached to RAD in previous posts which you may find helpful if you are struggling.

The last two posts were about the four traps we can fall into, how they apply to any relationship and the effect it has on the relationship we have with our adopted children. Please have a look.


Joharian Window:


                SELF SELF
O T H E R S              Public Private
O T H E R S                 Blind Subconscious


Public: Information about yourself that others have access to.

Private: Information about yourself that only you have access to.

Blind: Information about yourself that only others have access to but you don’t.

Subconscious: Information about yourself that neither you nor others have access to but only God knows.

The importance of the Blind and Subconscious windows:

Our behaviors and attitudes understood by others (and not ourselves) are generated through information in our subconscious—information we aren’t even aware of consciously. This is how strongholds are created and why everyone needs to go through a process of life coaching (or what we call “un-reeling”) in order to walk in wholeness and healing.


Below I’ve defined five key terms or phrases:

 1. Life Coaching: When a life coach walks us through practical steps to improve our lives by implementing powerful actions moving our life in a positive direction.

2.  Un-reeled: When we allow the Lord to take out the lies that we believe and replace them with His truth – much like taking a movie film strip out of a film projector and replacing it with a different film.

3.  Stronghold: A lie planted in our subconscious giving Satan influence in our lives through our agreement. The lie can be developed through the personal perceptions of experiences and relationships, inner vows and generational curses.

4.  An Inner Vow:  An inner vow is a vow you make as a reaction to a bad or good experience. For example: I have talked in previous posts about the vow a RAD adopted child makes when he realizes his birth mom has abandoned him. The RAD adopted child then can vow to not let anyone close enough to hurt him so deeply again.

 5. Generational Curse: A generational curse is a curse that results from one of your ancestors sinning. The sin causes a curse and that curse is passed down to the third and fourth generation.


The Point of This Post:

My mission through this blog is to help facilitate healing to adoptive families. As adoptive parents, the best way to help our children is to get help for ourselves first. Walking in wholeness and healing personally will encourage our entire families to do the same. With this thought process in mind, the blind and subconscious boxes in our own lives need to be attended to and submitted to God for His help.

There are behaviors that are rooted in both our blind boxes and our subconscious boxes. The goal with the following practices is to allow our close friends and the Trinity to help us identify behaviors, thought processes, lies, strongholds, inner vows and generational curses that need broken and dealt with. Dealing with the root causes of our behaviors will allow for lasting change and total healing.


How do we do this?

 The Blind box is the one that everyone sees and you don’t. Kind of scary isn’t it? The idea that others can see something about ourselves that we can’t see is unsettling. But, the Lord wants us to be overcomers and is willing to save us (once again) from ourselves. Thank goodness!!

A trusted friend can help with the blind box if they love you and want to see you thrive and succeed. Just ask them to gently speak into your life. Be receptive, teachable and not given to offense. Remember that you are blinded to this part of your life and are asking for their help.



1) Listen to what they have to say and take it to the Lord because HE is the one who heals.

2) Ask if what was divulged is true and if the Lord says yes – repent and ask if there is a lie attached to the issue. If there is – break agreement with the lie and ask the Lord for the truth.

3) Receive the truth

4) Then make a conscious effort to go to God and ask Him to renew your mind and change your heart until you are changed. He is your healer and you can’t heal yourself in your own effort.

5) Keep in mind, this is about a close relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. They want to use every situation to be something for you that they never had the opportunity to be for you until this issue. They want to come alongside and be everything to you and for you. They will express unconditional love at every turn with a healing touch. You can never wear them out with your need for freedom.


Subconscious Box:

 The subconscious box is un-nerving too! We all have things in our subconscious that need healing. The steps in the above section work here, too. Now we allow God in the place that the close friend was in with the blind box section. God wants to be our trusted friend and loving Father. He desires for us to thrive and succeed. So, give Him a chance to be for you what He didn’t get a chance to be for you until now. Remember, He can be many things that we as humans can’t ever be – such as healer, provider, protector, banner of love, and our peace, etc.


Adoption Application:

This applies to adoptive families simply because we as adults need to be actively searching God about our own healing and relationship with Him. Then we can see and help our children get the healing and heavenly love they need. God sees the whole picture – for all concerned. Let Him have His way with ourselves and the ones we love!


Please make a comment in the box below. I would love to converse with you.  I’ll share on another healing tool next time. Until next week…