Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement – Part Four:

Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement:


Hello again. This blog is to support adoptive parents as they are navigating through adoption, foster and RAD issues with their children. Please look at previous posts because they will be helpful too.

My last three posts were the first three posts of this five part series. Please check them out to have a better understanding of this post. They were on failure, being afraid and injustice.

Today is the fourth post in this five part series of encouraging steps. I am using the acronym FAITH. So, today’s letter is T for Truth.


T for TRUTH:

If you have a RAD adopted child I’m sure you know they do not tell the truth. They have probably broken trust with you many times and you’re justifiably finding it hard to trust them. I know this is very hard.

When we took our two adopted girls to intensive therapy we were at a point of such discouragement in many areas including in the area of trust. My husband and I understood trust was the very foundation to any relationship. But these two beautiful girls did not desire to build a trusting relationship with anyone.

It caused my husband and I to question everything they said and did (rightly so). In therapy we found out they were trying to get us divorced and they wanted me out of the house or dead. It was very hard for us to wrap our minds around what they intended to do.


Trusting Your Spouse:

         It has been my experience that many times RAD adopted children love to play the deception game. For example – they treat the adoptive mom beautifully in front of the adoptive father BUT when he isn’t around they mentally and emotionally abuse the adoptive mother.

Dad’s please believe your wife if she is telling you they treat her abusively when you’re gone. Somewhere in your heart – believe the first love of your life and give her the benefit of a doubt. Partner with your wife and plan to discover the truth.

Then act on the truth (if abuse is going on) and support your wife if there is RAD abusive. Your wife needs all the respect you can give her. She will need you to address the abusive behaviors of your RAD adoptive children.

There is a high percentage of divorces in RAD adoptive families for exactly the reason in the above paragraphs. Mainly this and many other reasons. So, choose to trust your spouse if these behaviors are happening.


Trusting Holy Spirit if Your RAD Adopted Child Isn’t Trustable:

         I have mixed feelings about trusting a RAD adopted child because of the lies they spew. I would encourage you to depend on the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and discernment in each situation. The Holy Spirit is very helpful with all aspects of parenting.

I have written a couple posts on the subject of “What power is behind you” and that power is the Holy Spirit. Please read them to help with this topic. Building a relationship with Holy Spirit has some very helpful rewards.

God created Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth. Truth always helps us live in trust. They go hand in hand. So, partnering with your spouse, following the lead of Holy Spirit and trusting God knows what He is doing with your family – will fill most of your life with the  ability to trust.

The fact that you may never be able to trust your adopted RAD child needs to be accepted. Mostly for their sakes so you can keep them safe while they are still in your home. Then, when they leave, trusting in God to keep them safe needs to be priority for your own peace of mind.


         This is all for today. Please leave me a comment in the box below. I would love to converse with you! See you next week…