Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part Three:

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering:

 Intro:

Hi there. I am back again with a post on the effects of adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). If you have an adopted child – chances are they may have some level of RAD. I have written many posts on the subject. Please check them out.

In my last two posts I’ve talked about RAD, DID and integration. The definitions for these words are below. Please read the definitions and my last two posts so you will be up to date on where I am going with this post.

Today I am going to specifically talk about adopted children and the trauma they go through. Trauma is what causes DID and it wouldn’t surprise me if most adopted RAD children are what I call “shattered” or DID. This post is the last post of this series.

 

RAD, DID and Integration Definitions:

 1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and at this point (even at days old) the child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child precedes to live their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering – Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person’s heart can “shatter” inside and have more than one part. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – When the parts are put back together again.

 

         The last two posts were for laying a foundation of understanding for DID shattering and integration. Now I’m going to apply it to adopted children with RAD. Many times they go together.

What adopted child didn’t grieve when their birth mother gave them up? If we think about the nine months they were in the birth mother’s womb – it was the child’s only universe. Her voice, movement, touch and smell was the only life they knew. Then it’s all gone. TERROR, ANGER, and bewilderment wouldn’t even begin to express what they were going through. This is trauma.

 

Two Parts: (or More)

If you are reading this post then you probably have an adopted child or an adopted RAD child and have seen the difference of how they act in public and how they act at home. Maybe they act differently at home because of two different people or shattered parts inside. For an adopted child I understand this is the results of RAD and a narcissistic personality but it also COULD be two parts in two different situations – public and home. Either way it is the results of trying to self-protect.

It is my understanding: When a person has parts they can switch -sometimes quickly – depending on which part wants to be the forward position at the time. What I mean by forward position: They seem to have a stage and one presenting part is on the stage at a time. According  to what is happening – a presenting part is on stage or in the forward position.

I believe an adopted RAD child shifts from part to part according to what they can handle or need at the moment. If they won’t let anyone close to emotionally attach – then they are living life alone and are the one who is providing for all they need. I think they shift from part to part to accomplish meeting their every need. Charming everyone and manipulating others feelings is shifting from part to part. Trauma has taught them every skill they need to achieve what they want.

People who are shattered may have many parts and can switch quickly. If there isn’t a part that wants to be on the stage they will keep switching until a part can be found who will face what is happening or has the skill to get what they want.

All of our adopted children have lived through some very traumatic events and I don’t believe shattering is too far a stretch to consider. What part is possibly in the forward position in your child? Do you think your child is shattered? Are they manipulating and shifting to get what they want? I can help.

 

Conclusion:

A child or baby can only face what they are able to at the moment. Most adopted children need healing. If you would like some help or need to talk please leave a comment in the box below. OR – I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Contact me and we can set up an appointment or have a phone conversation. I would love to help. Until next time…

[LB1]

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part Two

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering

Intro:

         Hi all. Laurie here with another post. This blog is all about helping the foster and adoptive family navigate through adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) issues. It is my desire to make the road of adoption easier for those out there struggling in your adoption experiences. Please check out other posts I’ve written on the subject of RAD.

My last post was part one in this series of three posts. I encourage you to read it before reading this one. It will help you understand this post.

Today I am continuing to speak on the topics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and integration. The goal with DID is integration. Here are my three definitions below.

 

My Definitions:

1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and it is at this point (even at days old) this child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child then lives their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for healthy attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering/DID– Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person can “shatter” inside and have more than one personality. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – when the parts are put back together.

 

DID Shattering:

         I know this is a blanket statement but trauma is a common occurrence in life and intense for some people. We all have lived through trauma but some have lived through much more trauma than others. Trauma causes DID and I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of humans are shattered – at least a little. You see, DID can have levels – from mild to severe. DID can vary from a couple parts to many.

Have you ever been driving a car and you can’t remember going through the last stoplight. This is a form of dissociation but not because of trauma. It’s about our thoughts being totally engrossed to the point we are somewhere else for a brief while in our minds.

This is not what I’m talking about in this post. I’m talking about when trauma was so intense the main personality (core) wasn’t able to face or bare the pain, abuse, or event at hand. The main personality disappeared and an alternate personality (or shattered part) came forward to lead and deal with the situation.

 

Honoring Again:

         Just as I said in my last post – a part needs to be honored because it is the result of the person’s inability to know what to do with what is happening to them. This part or parts have protected the person and helped them survive sometimes multiple horrific events without being fully emotionally destroyed.

It is important not to integrate a part if the person is still going through trauma or abuse. If this is the case any integration could possibly revert back to fracturing again for the sake of protection. Again this part has worked long and hard for the sake of protecting and keeping the person secure and safe.

A shattered (DID) person needs to feel safe and trust their best interests are the goal before any permission is given to anyone facilitating integration. Integration is the goal but the person has depended on these shattered part – sometimes for years. It is my understanding a part is like a friend and some have had them for a very long time.

 

Understanding:

I have laid a foundation of understanding in my last post and this one about DID.  My intention is to bring some understanding to very difficult terminology and connect it to the situation you may find yourself in or seeing in your adopted child.

 

Conclusion:

As I bring this post to a close I want to encourage you to come back again next week to read my next post. I will connect DID and RAD as I feel it applies to adopted children. They go through such trauma and I would not be surprised if they are shattered too.

Maybe you see some shattering in your child already and want to get them some help? I would love to help and can be contacted at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please contact me so we can set up an appointment.

Please leave a comment or question in the box below – I want to help.  God’s blessings! I’ll be right here again next week…

        

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part One

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering

Intro:

I can’t help but put a plug in for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as the main reason for my blog. That and helping adoptive families understand what they are going through when their children have adoption issues. You see, my husband and I adopted two lovely daughters from Thailand and without our knowledge – they both came to us with RAD in full swing. I’ve written many posts on this subject. Please have a look.

My last five posts were on inner peace. Peace is very important in life but especially needed when living with someone who has RAD. RAD is very challenging and I hope my last five posts will encourage you to stay in peace. Please check them out.

Today I am going to talk about shattering of the soul. Trauma can shatter any person but my focus is specifically on trauma due to adoption issues shattering the soul in relation to RAD. There will be three posts on this topic.

 

My Definitions:

1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and it is at this point (even at days old) this child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child then lives their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for healthy attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering/DID– Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person can “shatter” inside and have more than one personality. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – when the parts are put back together.

 

Adoption Trauma:

         I fully understand adoption is very traumatizing and I’m not surprised adopted children can have DID/shattering in addition to RAD when they make these vows. How is a baby supposed to know how to cope with the events happening to them? I might make the same vows if someone abandoned me. This brings me to what I am talking about today. How do we help our adopted children live a quality life and come into some form of healing and wholeness?

 

Starting with Honor:

We have to take some time to talk about honoring the shattered parts because they have helped the person survive and live life the best they knew how. Many times a shattered person allows a “defender part” to take the “forward or front” (the one presenting for the moment) position in a person because they are tuff and able to handle life more effectively.

This forward part may be strong but a person living in parts will not be as strong as a fully integrated (when all the parts are put back together again) person. They will experience life as though they are a puzzle and not as a whole person.

It is possible the person may not remember portions of their life if the forward part switches to other parts during their day or portions of their life. Many times the shattered person will not remember the younger years of their life or will not remember painful events because they “disappeared” or dissociate as means of survival.

 

So is Integration Possible?

Yes it is and I’ve helped some people integrate. I will talk some more on the subjects of DID and RAD in my next post. I pray you have a wonderful week and God will keep you safe. Blessings!!

 

Conclusion:

         Please leave a comment in the box below. Been nice sharing with you. Until then…