RAD and Three Human Lies – Part Three

Three Human Lies:

 Intro:

         This is Laurie and I write this blog to help foster and adoptive families navigate through adoption and RAD issues. RAD represents Reactive Attachment Disorder. As soon as the birth mother gives a child up the child can develop this disorder. Most of my posts relate to this disorder – please check them out.

         As you can see – this post is part three to this series of posts on Three Human Lies. It will help you understand this post if you would take a minuet and read parts one and two. Parts one and two were about the first and second of the three human lies.

Today I’m going to discuss the third lie and then bring this series of posts to a close. The third lie is “everyone has to treat me right.” I will list the three lies below for your convenience.

 

The Three Human Lies:

  1. I have to do everything right (two posts ago)
  2. God has to make everything go right for me (last post)
  3. Everyone has to treat me right

 

Everyone Has to Treat Me Right:

Typically a RAD adoptee is also narcissistic and enjoy charming and emotionally manipulating those around them. They get mad if someone isn’t manipulated or resists their “pulling of their heart strings.” It is “of course” always the other persons fault in a conflict according to the adoptee. (NOT!) But, that is the MO of a narcissistic RAD child.

These lies are basic human lies and I will venture to guess – you may identify with one or all of these lies. I know I did. I also know there is freedom when these lies are healed and put to rest.

I have written a two part series of posts called “Four Traps and Your RAD Adopted Child.” We all can fall into these traps. Please have a look at these previous posts. It explains why we need everyone to treat us right and why we have to do everything right.

If you have an adopted or adopted RAD child you can probably see this lie in them by their actions and verbiage. One of the symptoms of RAD is difficulty with friends because they live in self-pity and want everyone to feel sorry for them. Therefore, everyone has to treat them right. They feel life has especially dealt them a raw deal.

(Below is the list of two of the four traps from my previousposts on “Four Traps and Your RAD Adopted Child”)

 

Two of the four traps are:

  1. The approval trap – I need everyone to approve of me and treat me right.
  2. The performance trap – I have to do things right (This is the first lie listed above which I talked about two posts ago – please check it out)

 

How Do We Get Free From This Third Lie That Everyone Has to Treat Me Right:

The basis of this lie is founded on pride and is the results of living in a narcissistic society. It includes needing to feel legitimately significant to the human race which is innate and never a bad thing to want. The delineating line is between the state of self-effort vs. the state of being.

 

State of Self-effort:

In the state of self-effort, trying to make others behave towards us or anyone else correctly is impossible. Although, it is very healthy to put boundaries around yourself if someone abusing you. For most to all other cases – we ourselves don’t have the power to cause any other person to have 100% perfect behavior and responses. Can you say you can towards anyone else?

I’m not saying I have this down myself. While I’m writing this I can think of a relationship I have which I need to forgive and release them from my expectations. They don’t have the ability to be perfect all the time.

This leads me to my next point. Part of this third lie is simple forgiveness and accepting each other in our shortcomings and faults. We are not perfect and neither is anyone else. No one will ever treat us perfectly right and to expect them to is ridiculous. The same goes for ourselves. We are not perfect and no matter how hard we try – we will fail someone.

 

State of Being:

When God created the world He did all he was going to do in the first six days. The seventh day he rested with the creation He created. So, Adam and Eve were just in a “state of being with God” on the seventh day. This is what I’m talking about. Jesus came and met all the requirements on the cross. This put us back into the relationship Adam and Eve had with God when scripture says God walked with them in the cool of the day.

Building a relationship with God will help to bring an understanding of already being accepted which is a state of being. This is where you are fully loved and treated right by God. Expecting to be treated right by mankind is futile and will never ever happen.

 

Conclusion:

So, if you find you’re stuck in any or all of these lies or your RAD child is – please let me help you. You can contact me at Laurie@getrealliving.com My name is Laurie if you want a life coaching session and someone will help you set it up. Please leave a comment in the box below. Until next week…

RAD and Three Human Lies – Part One

Three Human Lies

 Intro:

         This blog is for all the foster and adoptive families who have adopted children with RAD. RAD is a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder and is very difficult to navigate through. I have written numerous posts on the subject – please have a look.

My last two posts were on negative soul response mechanisms such as triggers. Please take a moment and read through them. It is good information for those who are wanting healing in this area.

Today I am going to start a three part series on three human lies. I wouldn’t be surprised if every human being has one to all three of these human lies. But, the focus of this series of posts will be RAD adopted children and their belief in these lies.

 

The Three Human Lies:

  1. I have to do everything right
  2. God has to make everything go right for me
  3. Everyone has to treat me right

 

I Have to Do Everything Right:

         Most of mankind believes these lies to some degree. The “I have to do everything right” lie reminds me of the post I wrote not too long ago about the difference between being an owner or a steward. In this previous post I showed scriptures about God owning everything and we’re here to tend to what God gave us to accomplish. I titled this post, “Who provides for, Owns or Stewards a RAD adopted child?” Please check it out. It is about taking all the stress out of parenting.

The first lie above -“I have to do everything right” – is part of the RAD adopted child’s dilemma. What causes RAD is a few vows the adoptee makes when their birth mom gives them up. I will only talk about three such vows in this post.

 

Three Adopted RAD Child’s Vows:

  1. They vow in their hearts to prevent anyone from hurting them like their birth mom did by giving them away. So, they keep everyone at arm’s length as protection from getting hurt again. Therefore the “I have to do everything right” lie happens in reference to their own self-protection.
  2. They also vow to meet their own needs because they are the only one they trust to look after their best interests. So, the “I have to do everything right” lie goes into effect. At a very young age they try to meet their own need – even when they are too young and enable to do so. This is somewhat understandable but sooner or later their soul will be exhausted from expended energy to do everything right so their needs get met.
  3. Many times the adoptee -and probably all of us at one time or another- have lived this lie in order to be liked or loved. This “lie mask” may be worn to cover up the unseen imperfections they feel aren’t acceptable to others as a means to be loved.

 

Conclusion:

          I’m sure every human on the planet identifies with this human lie at some level. BUT, I’m also sure your intellect understands the truth of the matter. No one can ever do everything right all the time. To do everything right would be exhausting to the soul and would render a person equal with God.

I am a life coach and have worked with many people to get rid of lies to receive the truth.  So, if you find you would like help with the lie of having to do everything right all the time, please contact me. I would love to help you get freedom in this area of your life. You can get ahold of me at Laurie@getrealliving.com Tell them you want a session with me and the secretary help you.

Please leave a message below so we can talk. I would love to hear your question or perspective on this or other posts I’ve written. Until next time…