Healing Process

Looking Inward: My Personal Healing Process:

In this post I want to begin to talk about my healing process. Maybe you are at a place where things haven’t gone very well with your adopted child.
My last post was the culmination of our time with our adopted girls. One of our adopted daughters  had to be removed from our home because she was threatening to kill me and the other decided she wasn’t a family member anymore and moved on because she was of the legal age to do so.

How does a person decide they’re not a family member anymore? How does someone think they have a right to kill someone who loves them deeply because they want their birth mom instead? These questions spent much time rattling around my head, but the answer is beyond me. When it comes to RAD, the person who has this issue hasn’t bonded to anyone. Their decision to separate from others doesn’t affect them like it would you and I.

With both of our adopted daughters gone, my husband and I were devastated and wounded to the core. I cried to the point that no sound came out. Our weariness, disillusionment and shock were all wrapped into one. Almost all in one whack we had an “empty nest.” We didn’t understand what we did to deserve such horrible events in the overall span of our family timeline! RAD is such a devastating disorder to adoptive families!

This brings me to the name of my blog: “Abba Father and His Love.” I have believed in God ever since I was little because I grew up in a Christian home. My father was an elder of the churches we were in since I was three years old. But I have to be honest with you: Nothing I was taught in church prepared me for what we went through with our adopted girls!!

Yes, I was taught that “love concurs all.” Well, it didn’t happen that way for us. I spent a great amount of time talking to God about why my husband’s and my intense love wasn’t enough to get through to either of our girls. Why didn’t things work, even though we gave it all we had? We loved with all our hearts!! We also spent a huge amount of money for the best therapy we could buy for our girls, and it didn’t break through the wall of  their independence and self-protection. “NO ONE” in their minds were allowed close. This brought us so much disillusionment and confusion about how life is “supposed” to work. At this point, I felt like I didn’t know which end was up!

Confronting the Orphan in me:

BUT THEN I came into contact with a wonderful group of life coaches who walked me through what I call “The dark night of my soul.” I discovered that, even though I grew up in a very loving family and didn’t doubt that I was loved, that I had “orphan issues” too.

No one on this planet can say that their life is perfect and they were perfectly loved. Everyone, has one thing or another that caused them to feel rejected, abandoned, or not loved. We are all in this boat and need some soul healing.

I faced my disillusionment, pain, and rejection that represented my orphan issues and ran into the loving arms of my savior – Father God. It took me quite a long time to heal but I can say today that I am healed and whole and wouldn’t trade the experiences with my adopted daughters. I have gained the  “proverbial gold nuggets” through my healing process!!

I had to look very intently at what my true identity was, why I was on this planet and what I was created to do. I am happy to say that I went through all the “horrible stuff” so I can help the other families who are going through the very same “horrible stuff.” I want to travel along your with you on your journey of healing too. I also feel that someday I am going to be instrumental in ministering to the RAD heart.

Let me just take a minute and encourage those who are weary and discouraged about their RAD orphan. You can run to your Saviors (Jesus, Father God and Holy Spirit) to comfort your weary and maybe somewhat-orphaned soul. They want to help you heal and get back on your feet again. They know how to love you perfectly and it is just this kind of love that goes very deep and transforms – the way that only their love can.

If you relate or want to ask questions, please leave a comment below. Talk to you next time. Until then…