Men and Adoption Support Groups

Men and Adoption Support Groups

 

Intro:

Hi. I am Laurie – the creator of this blog. I love to write on all topics of adoption and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Many of the issues I write on have to do with foster children too. Please read some of my posts.

My last post was on adoptive mothers simplifying their lives in three areas. Sometimes it is a matter of giving ourselves permission to simplify. Please check out this post for helpful ideas.

Today I am going to talk about men and adoptive support groups. This is a very tricky topic. So, read further for a laugh or two and some encouragement.

 

Do You Have a Support Group?

        If you are an adoptive family and have a RAD child – I highly recommend attending a parental adoption support group. I lead two groups and we have so much fun being together and sharing. It would be to your benefit to find support and comradery from others who are going through the same situations you find you’re facing. It is soothing to the soul.

 

Where are the Men?

It is harder to get adoptive fathers to support group meetings. In my situation it is due to one of my groups meeting in the morning. Since most men work – it is hard for them to attend.

But, my other support group meets in the evening and the wives say their husbands are watching the children so they can come. This is a very generous thing to do!! But the men are not finding comradery or help in the area of fathering an RAD adopted child.

 

Ways Around the Problem:

        If there is food – the men will come. Men vote with their stomachs and feet. My husband and I just hosted a dinner at our house cordially inviting the men and women from both of my support groups. I shared my heart in the area of wanting to get to know them and what the women and I have discovered about ourselves and our children. I also shared what I have been discovering about healing RAD.

We had such a great time together and the men especially enjoyed the food. A couple men asked questions about my husband’s and my journey with RAD and the process of healing RAD. My husband shared his perspective of being the adoptive father and what that entailed when our children acted out their RAD and abused me. It was enlightening for the men in particular because the women already shared their points of view in our previous meetings.

The subject came up about having the men attend a quarterly evening meeting which would include food. Most of the men seemed agreeable. I feel it is unreasonable to expect the men to share feelings but when a man (my husband) can share and be real and a bit emotional about what has happened in our home – the other men took notice.

 

Boiling It Down:

1)  Have the men attend the meeting quarterly if they haven’t been coming regularly

2)  Have food (quickest way to a man’s heart)

3)  Include dessert (it’s all about the food)

4)  Have a man share his journey

5)  Allow the men to ask questions

6)  Laugh together about how RAD is so messed up

7)  Accept each other where we are at

 

Conclusion:

        Well, this is all I have to say on this topic. I hope it was helpful especially if you are starting or going to start a support group. I know we thoroughly enjoyed each other while building friendships over food and a common problem.

Please leave a comment in the comment section of this blog. Have a good week and God bless. See you here next week. Until then…