Adoption RAD and Kingdom Perspectives:

Adoption RAD and Kingdom Perspectives:

 Intro:

         Hello there – I’m Laurie and I created this blog to assist parents out there who have adopted RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) children. It is my desire to come along side and encourage adoptive parents as much as I can in their journey through adoption issues. Please check out my other posts. They will be helpful in reference to this subject.

My last post was titled “RAD and Needing Win.” It was about the incessant need for RAD adopted children to win at everything they do. I gave examples and encouragement on this subject. Please take a moment and read it.

Today I am going to talk about Kingdom perspectives as they pertain to adoption and RAD. It is my desire to communicate a bigger perspective. There are two tools we have discovered which are bringing some breakthrough for families.

 

Two Tools:

We (two life coaches and I) have found a couple effective healing tools.  These tools are what I call Kingdom perspectives. God has the answers and two of them are:

1)  Prayer for the bloodline

2)  Healing the broken heart from emotional trauma

 

Prayer for the Bloodline:

         Praying for the bloodline – what does that mean? We are getting some healing results for adopted RAD children when we pray for their bloodlines. It has everything to do with Jesus cleansing the bloodline so the curses that go to the third and fourth generations are broken off. This allows your child to live in God’s blessing instead.

 

Example:

There is one family with a RAD child who immediately had results after we prayed. Her night terrors stopped completely. It was such a relief for the family as a whole and now everyone is sleeping through the night.

 

Healing the Broken Heart from Emotional Trauma:

         Trauma has the ability to break a person’s emotional heart. Terror and fear do the same. When a child experience something which is too much to bear – their heart can break (shatter).

 

14 Things Everyone Should Know About Emotional Trauma:

1)  The traumatized person is in thought about the trauma events regularly

2)  They worry about what is going to happen next

3)  Trauma lasting longer than four to six weeks can produce PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

4)  Trauma doesn’t always mean violence – for example: divorce, being bullied, a move etc. can cause emotional trauma

5)  It can cause insomnia, nightmares, or a racing heartbeat

6)  The person can feel disconnected or numb

7)  They can have a hard time learning or concentrating when stressed

8)  Trauma causes emotional shattering to the heart

9)  It can cause anger, irritability, sadness, mood swings, hopelessness chest pains and fatigue

10)              The person lives in guilt, shame and self-blame

11)              They withdraw from others

12)              Trauma can cause a person to trigger to noise, smells, etc.

13)              It causes the person to startle easily

14)              They live in fear, anxiety and/or terror

 

Example:

The example I want to give for this category is a beautiful one. The mom came to a session with me and stood in “proxy” for her RAD little one. We prayed God would heal the little one’s broken/shattered heart and He did. There was immediate results and life in there house became much easier.

 

Conclusion:

         We are excited to see healings and progression made in the lives of the adopted RAD children and their families we minister to. God truly does have all the answers and cares about orphans coming to their healing. We are honored to participate in these Kingdom Perspective healings!

I am a life coach and you can reach me at Laurie@getrealliving.com Maybe you would like to have your bloodline or broken heart healed. Contact the above site and set up a life coaching session with me. I would love to help.

Thanks for listening. Please leave a comment. Until next week…

Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement – Part Three:

Adoption RAD and Five Steps of Encouragement:

 Intro:

Hello there. Laurie here to talk about adoption and RAD issues. It’s what this blog is about so check out my previous posts. I’m sure they will be helpful if you are searching for answers in this area.

My last two posts were the first two posts of this five part series about encouragement. I am using the acronym of FAITH to make my points. Please check them out for some encouragement.

Today is the third step of encouragement. I am using the I in the acronym of FAITH. This subject is near and dear to my heart so please read further.

 

I for Injustice:

There is so much injustice in adoption situations. Here is a list of injustices which frustrate me to the core:

  1. An adopted child didn’t sign up for the pain of rejection and abandonment when their mother and father didn’t keep them. Even if the family had to give them up for a good reason – an adopted child usually never feels like they belong. Ugh! So unjust!!
  2. When a couple can’t have children and they get a child with RAD. Then this child presents emotionally destructive behavior wounding the adoptive parents. Wow! That goes deep!!
  3. When adoptive parents do everything they know to do for their adoptive RAD child – to no avail. It doesn’t work because the adopted child refuses love or help from anyone. This really sucks! I can attest to this because it happened to my husband and I with our two girls. Double whammy!!

 

Justice is very important to me! I have the personality that needs to see the good win over the bad. I also don’t give up easily – this can be good or bad depending on the situation.

 

Three Scriptures about God’s Justice for orphans:

1)  I am reminded of a post I wrote a while ago called the Orphans Psalm. It was about Psalm 10 and describes the actions of an orphan. In this Psalm the orphan is very rebellious – yet at the end of the chapter Father God expresses His desire for the orphan to NOT live in terror… What a good and kind God!

2)  I also want to point out the scripture in Prov. 23:10 where God stands up for the fatherless saying their defender is strong on their behalf and will take up their cause. God is the orphan’s defender.

3)  It says in Prov. 31: 8-9 – Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves and for the rights of all who are destitute. We are to speak up and judge fairly; defending the rights of the poor and needy… Orphans are definitely poor and needy!

 

God’s Justice of Parents:

1)  God said in his commandments for children to obey their parents. God always has our backs and He wants us to treat our children with justice and honor in return.

2)  It says in Prov. 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it… Again, God is with us and backs us as parents.

 

My Point:

 

God believes in family, parents and children. God invented justice because it is part of His character and desires for justice to prevail. This includes you and your difficult adopted RAD child. We don’t parent out of punishment or control. Instead we are to bring justice for all in the family. Children are to obey their parents for their lives to go well.

We need to decide to partner with God for this to happen. If you are reading this post – you’re probably looking for answers to some difficult situations. Your RAD adopted child is probably out of control and rejecting you on all levels.

I encourage you to surrender to God. Give Him your life, children and situations. He is the only one who can get through to your little one. He brings JUSTICE for all concerned because He invented Justice.

 

Conclusion:

If you have a comment please leave it in the box below. See you next week for the fourth part to this five part series. Until then…

Adoption, RAD and Special Needs: Part Two:

Adoption, RAD and Special Needs:

 Intro:

        Hi all. This blog is typically about adoption and RAD adoption issues. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder. (I’ve written about adoption and RAD issues in many posts – please check them out). My heart is to come along side, encourage and comfort all the parents out there who are frustrated and discouraged in your parenting journey.

I’ve also started a support group for the parents of adoptive and special needs children. We meet in a local school that has the special needs department in which their children attend. (I will refer to this group later on in this post).

Today’s post is about special needs and inspirational web sites. My intention is to help parents who have biological or adopted special needs children. My last post was about the same thing. Please have a look.

 

Special needs and Inspirational Web Sites:

 Like I said in my last post – I have found some pretty inspirational web sites to encourage parents who have special needs children. It’s important to get the help and encouragement we need for ourselves and our children. In both posts (todays and my last post) the creators of each web site are motivational speakers, singers, supporters or encouragers. There are other sites that are connected to ministries across the US who lend parents local help. As a result – parents can find local help instead of needing to travel so far for the resources they need. Joniandfriends.org is one such site. (I wrote about this site in my last post. Please have a look)

 

Web Sites:

  1. dcbrown@echoingvillage.org – The creator of this site is Rev. Cordell Brown and he has cerebral palsy. He is a speaker and has a ministry called echoing hills which educates special needs students how to transition from high school into college or life in society. He has written a book called “I Am What I Am by the Grace of God.” The school where I have my support group is in the process of bringing Rev. Cordell Brown in to speak at a school chapel. This will be good for the main stream and special needs student bodies as well as the school teachers and leaders. Then he will speak to the parents of my support group in the evening.
  2. http:/./jennifershaw.com – All her contact info is here. Jennifer Shaw is the woman who created this site and ministry. She is the mother of a special needs child, a singer and an author. The title of her book is “Life Not Typical.” She has taken the struggles of being a mother of a special needs child’s and became an inspirational speaker. (She does charge a speaker’s fee). I am in the process of possibly bringing her in to speak to my support group.
  3. Nathanielshope.org is another ministry that has many resources. When I checked them out I was specifically looking for a ministry that provided respite care. Parents of special needs children need personal time and rest. In this ministry they have another ministry called buddybreak.org. They educate churches in providing respite care to weary parents of special needs children. Please look into this site if you or your church are wanting to step into this kind of ministry.
  4. keymimistry.org – This ministry educates churches how to welcome and include the special needs and disability persons into the body of Christ. This site has blogs, kits, resources, cd’s and videos for educational purposes.

Conclusion:

      

In conclusion – I wanted to help parents out there find helpful web sites and resources. The web sites in this and my last post have a wide variety of information and resources that cover a large range of help for the special needs families. I hope you will find the answers you are looking for.

 

Please leave a comment in the box below. I would love to converse with you! Until my next post…

 

Our Story

Purpose of This Blog:

Hi, I am Laurie and I want to start this blog with our story. My name is Laurie and my husband and I have adopted two girls from Thailand and it didn’t go very well. It has been the most painful, lonely, and devastating thing we have ever experienced. As of today, my adopted girls are diagnosed with RAD, bipolar, PTSD, FAS, ADD, and ADHD. They possessed these disorders before we brought them into our home. Neither one of the girls live with us now because the oldest is old enough to be on her own and the youngest is just old enough to go on to Job Core.

I know how it feels when so many behaviors are going on in your home and the “normal parenting” process doesn’t work. I know how confusing it is when you are giving 110% of your love and it doesn’t seem to even scratch the surface. When you reach out and try to connect with love to encourage your beautiful child, and they seem to sabotage every ounce of effort or event meant to help them.

Then on top of it all, society wants you to parent just like they do and judges you when your child doesn’t meet the criteria of behavior they expect. Then you feel dazed because the parenting that is supposed to work is doing the exact opposite. When you do get up the courage to be vulnerable to anyone about what is going on, the main stream parenting group doesn’t get what you’re saying at all. This only drives you to a lonelier and lonelier place. I get it and I have been there.

I have found many proverbial gold nuggets along the way. Mostly having to do with my relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. They are the only reason I can pass on to you any hope of healing your broken heart to coming out on the other side in one piece.

In this blog I will address our story, insights about the bigger picture, God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and topics of healing for your soul, among other things. I am now a life coach and all though I haven’t “arrived”, I have survived a boat load of chaos (in my home) and a very broken heart.

The Call

When I was seven or eight years old I remember having a deep desire to adopt. Where that desire came from God because none of my family or friends had adopted. All I  knew was there were children out there without someone to love and take care of them and I wanted to be one of the ones that provided this loving care.

Fast Forward

I am now on the verge of going down the church aisle to be married to a wonderful man. We met at a church camp and courted long distance for one and a half years. We covered all the questions and dreams we each had and finally decided to tie the knot after God confirmed we were supposed to be in covenant marriage together. My husband agreed that we would adopt after having a couple of children of our own.

Bouncing Baby

My husband and I waited four and a half years before our first little one came along. I had a hard time getting pregnant, carrying, and delivering her. She was healthy and whole and we were delighted to be parents. Because of the difficulties I had, we decided we would only have one biological child and adopt the rest.

Our Search

All adoptable babies in the United States were reserved for childless parents which we totally understood. To our dismay, social services wouldn’t even consider us unless we would take an older child. I instinctively knew we shouldn’t do that because of the behavioral problems of adopted children and we wanted our oldest biological daughter to be older than the adopted children in case they would act out. We searched and looked to no avail. Finally, we just laid our dream down.

But Then

Later, we decided to look into foreign adoptions. I was drawn to the Asian looking children because my husband and I thought they would be the most readily accepted in our community, and in our opinion, a beautiful people. I looked into Korea, Philippines, and Thailand. In my research I discovered that Korea and Philippines had higher rates of serious special needs in their kids so Thailand it was. Besides, the history of Thailand was so amazing and I just happened to be one of the kings kids in the musical, King and I, my older sister’s choir  put on when I was younger.

After the Paperwork Frenzy

We put our applications in to an adoption agency and after a mountain of paperwork, home inspections, and adoption classes, we received a package in the mail. It enclosed a picture of a little three and a half year old Thai girl and a letter asking if we would be her parents. They gave us as much of her history and background as possible.

In the adoption classes, the instructors taught as long as the child is in a foster home, there would be no reason they would have RAD. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) This little one was in a foster home and we were elated and said we would be her parents. Ten months later she was in our home.

Reality Bites

At the time our oldest biological daughter was around eight years old. She was very gentle and sensitive to the feelings of others. I taught her a lot of social graces and so forth. Well, my daughter from Thailand was three and a half but very used to having the freedom of running with a pack of other little children in her village without much supervision. The toughest one ruled the pack. So, this little one knew how to bully to get what she wanted.

Our adjustment period was very rough and every time I left my two daughters in one room to go into another room, my  oldest daughter got kicked, pinched, bit, slapped, shoved, or a clump of hair pulled out. This was a tough of time of trying to love and bring a new one in while protecting the oldest one from abuse.

Life Moves On

After the two girls settled into their positions in the family, life moved on. There was an undercurrent of concern in my heart because although my second daughter was adjusting to American life, she still didn’t seem to fully bond to anyone in the family. I decided I would just try harder, love longer, and be stronger for her and that would win in the end. Of course love conquers all, don’t you know.

3 Makes Our Quiver Full

More to come…