Treat Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Before Crisis Hits:

Before Crisis Hits:

 

Intro:

        Laurie here again with another post for foster and adoptive parents. Some of my posts also pertain to children with behavioral problems. If you are in these situation please check out my other posts.

My last post was about trauma that changes the brain. I suggest learning about the brain of adopted children. Please have a look at my last post.

Today I am going to talk about treating adoption RAD before a crisis happens. If you are going to foster or adopt and don’t know what RAD is, I would suggest reading up on the subject. Please read this post further to understand what I mean.

 

Treating RAD Soon Enough:

Two of the most grievous issues connected to adoption are:

  1. Not understanding RAD
  2. Not treating RAD in their preschool or elementary school years

My husband and I made this mistake. I would hate for you to do the same. Studies have shown if RAD is treated young – the odds of recovery are substantially high. Waiting until their teen years or when a crisis arises is difficult because by then they are set in their ways. Set ways or habits are hard to change. RAD habits are especially hard to change.

Many times by the teen years their RAD symptoms are so ingrained into their behavior they believe everyone acts like they do. They don’t think anything is wrong and become amoral in their behavior, attitudes and choices. This causes such chaos in the adoptive family.

 

Have Your Child Assessed:

        It would never hurt to get your adopted child assessed by a professional. Go to a professional with in-depth knowledge of RAD. There are many disorders which have similar symptoms as RAD. A Professional with the appropriate knowledge of RAD will be able to help you and your child. Finding the best process to navigate through all the issues is the goal.

 

Get Help Before A Crisis:

        If your child has RAD and you don’t know it then RAD usually leads the adopted child into some kind of crisis. Speaking from experience – it is no fun. Both of our adopted children ran into crisis before we got them some help. We weren’t properly educated about RAD.

I have confessed in previous posts I thought I could love my adopted children out of their problems. If I would try harder and was the most patient mother – they would come through alright. Well, was I wrong!! RAD doesn’t just heal when someone tries to love them. It takes help and hard work. Adopted RAD children refuse both receiving and giving love and any kind of relationship bonding.

 

Research:

If you have adopted and your children are young – please get them assessed to make sure they are bonding to you and your husband. If they are pre-teen or older don’t waste any time. Go to a RAD professional who has experience and get started on the healing process. Do this before a crisis arises that puts your child or you as a family in any danger. Many RAD children feel they are invincible and don’t discern danger. This is a set up for a crisis.

 

Conclusion:

Wendy and I work with RAD children and their parents. We are seeing healing and progress in both the children and their parents. We love what we do.

If you have any questions or need help in what I have said in this post, please leave a comment in the comment section. I would love to converse further on this subject. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com

I will have another post next week. Blessings to you and your family. Until next time…

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Trauma Changes the Brain of an Adopted Child:

Trauma Changes the Brain:

 

Intro:

I am Laurie and the creator of this blog. I write because I felt alone and hopeless when my husband and I were going through the worst of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) symptoms in our adopted children. It is my desire to encourage foster and adoptive parents who are going through the same or similar things in your families.

My last post was about adoption support group fun. Every parent faced with RAD needs the release laughing and relationship connection brings. This happens in an adoption parental support group. Please take a moment to read my last post.

Today I am going to talk about the effects of trauma on the brain. It is a daunting topic to talk about. But a necessary one to know about.

 

Trauma:

        A trauma victim learns lies about life when trauma happens. They can also have what I call distorted life glasses they see life through. When healing starts they have to undo the learned lies and take off the distorted glassed to receive the truth and healing.

They also can develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) which I call a shattered heart. Basically their heart (soul) is broken into mini personalities (pieces). It takes true patience and knowhow to help them put their heart (soul) back together again.

 

What Does This Have To Do With The Brain?

        My definition of the heart (soul) is a person’s mind, will and emotions. Since a person’s emotions are stored in the brain then the brain is definitely changed when trauma occurs. Through trauma a person usually never thinks the same way again without help.

The reason an adopted child becomes RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) is because of trauma. When a child discovers the birth mom went missing – the trauma of this realization causes them to refuse to bond to anyone or let anyone bond to them. This changes their brain’s thought processes because now they will view every relationship through the refusal to bond. Their fear is of someone else leaving them too.

They have two parts of their heart in constant conflict. One part pushes everyone away and another part is craving love and relationship. This causes a divided thought process and negative chemicals are produced by the brain. When the brain produces negative chemicals it changes the brain negatively.

These thoughts are what I call fear based thoughts. In RAD adopted children, it is the fear of being hurt again (like when their birth mother gave them away). This holds them in their sickness. Their negative thoughts over time continue to affect their brains in very unhealthy ways.

The opposite of fear based thoughts are what I call faith based thoughts. When we have positive thoughts that are truth based, the brain produces good chemicals and promotes a healthy brain. Healthy brains produce healthy lives.

 

Healing of Lies and Distorted Glasses:

        Healing is a process with anyone but especially with RAD adopted children. The healing that works is exchanging the lies for the truth and getting the correct life lenses to see through. This happens with the help of the Trinity. They know the truth and have the wisdom to give us 20 20 vision on all life experiences. If you want my help in this healing process I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com

 

Conclusion:

        I would love to talk further on this subject if someone would please leave a comment. The brain is a fascinating organ and healthy thoughts are what we want to promote in our adopted children. If they are RAD they need a great amount of help in this area.

I’ll be here again next week with another topic. Please come and join us. Until then…

Adoption Support Group Fun:

Support Group Fun:

 

Intro:

        Hi all! I’m Laurie and am here again today to talk about foster and adoptive subjects. I want foster and adoptive parents to be informed about many issues. That is why I write this blog. Please check out some of my previous posts.

My last post was about Life Coaching a healed DID person. This means their heart is back together again (integrated) and they need to learn to live this way. It takes practical steps of change to make a successful shift into a whole heart lifestyle. Please check this post out.

Today I am going to talk about adoption support group fun for the ladies and men. I don’t like the “same old” style of doing things. So we intentionally mix it up with some fun and change of venue.

 

Support Group Fun?

        A while ago I wrote a post about getting the adoptive fathers to the support group meetings. Well, most men don’t come to these meetings. They usually watch the children so their wives can come.

Can a support group meeting fulfill the parent’s emotional needs and still be fun? Yes! Last month I had my evening support group meeting with the women and we went out to eat. Always having the meeting in the same place can be tiring (especially for me). I have to have variety or I get restless. I love to change things up a bit to add life and meaning.

Last month one of the ladies in my support group was going through some very rough things. She needed to talk so we found a restaurant that had a quiet corner and enjoyed food, conversation, laughter and new surroundings. We had a good time, and it met her need to unload some very hurtful things that were happening with her adopted child.

 

Mixing It Up… Here are some examples of what we do or will do to bring variety:

  1. I am thinking I might have an overnight retreat some time where we go somewhere for a night. We’ll have to depend on the husband’s availability to watch the kids but that is good for them too. Then off we will go.
  2. I am planning another dinner at my house next month to specifically invite the husbands again. My husband said he would lead a discussion with the fathers about the husband’s role in adoption situations. I am so proud of my husband!! He is really stepping up to the plate to challenge the men.
  3. I like to plan fun events around the holidays. Last year we had a white elephant gift exchange during our morning support group. It was fun to see who ended up with which gift in the end.

 

Be the Person Who Plans the Fun:

I’m sure if you think about it you can come up with some fun event to implement into your support group if you have one. If you don’t – find one and be the person planning the fun events. The rest of the group would probably appreciate your input and would like some variety and fun.

 

Conclusion:

        This is one of my shorter posts but it will make up for the longer ones I have posted. Hope you are having a great week! I’ll be here again next week. Until next time…

Life Coaching – When a DID Heart is Healed

Life Coaching a Healed Heart:

 

Intro:

Hi everyone. I am Laurie – the creator of this blog. I write to the parents of foster and adopted children. It is my desire to talk about subjects that my husband and I weren’t educated about when we were in the adoption process. Now, I want other foster and adoptive families to understand these topics too.

My last post was about the broken heart of an adult adopted RAD person. It is my delight to help them heal! Take a moment and read my last post.

Today I am going to talk about life coaching the healed heart. When I say healed heart I am talking about when a DID heart is put back together again. DID means Dissociative Identity Disorder. Please read my other posts on DID so this post will make sense.

 

Healed DID Life Coaching:

        I have found a healed DID heart needs Life Coaching including instruction about living with their whole heart. If a DID client’s heart is healed and they can stay present all the time, they will notice they are much quieter inside. Sometimes, this can be unnerving if they have lived broken for a long time. They need to learn to live without all the inside voices talking to them (how they have lived up to this point).

Also, living whole and in the present will be strange to them because they will experience life from a whole new perspective. This takes some getting used to especially when they experience emotions they have shut down until now. This can be uncomfortable.

 

Life Coaching:

        At the Unleashed Healing Center where I’m a Life Coach and where my ministry Abba Father’s Love is located – I specialize in helping adoptive and foster families. Many adoptive families are broken because of a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I have also had many clients who are adopted and have DID.

At the Unleashed Healing Center and Abba Father’s Love we have several levels of ministry and one of the levels is Life Coaching. This Level includes helping the client take steps towards desired life shift and change. When a DID client’s heart is healed, they need to learn to live life differently as a whole and healed person. This is awkward but necessary for full healing in the client.

Living with a whole heart is rewarding to the client and I would be lying if I didn’t say it was rewarding to me too. I love when the people I am Life Coaching are receiving the freedom they desire. I praise God because it is His love and tenderness that touches the client – causing the healing and wholeness.

 

Goal:

The goal is for the client to be able to be quieter and at peace inside. When faced with different situations, their heart is to function as one full un-shattered heart. When they can learn to live life with a whole heart then their full personality (the core personality) can be in charge. This core personality is the personality who can live out the destiny God has for them to live. There is no better way of living life than to live in destiny!!

 

Conclusion:

        I would love to have a conversation on this subject if you would like to leave a comment. If you feel like your heart or your child’s heart is broken and want my help then I can be reaches at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please call and set up a session with me.

I’ll be here again next week. Blessings to you. Until next time…

 

 

The Broken Heart of an Adult Who Was Adopted and Has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD:

The Broken Heart of an RAD Adopted Adult:

 

Intro:

        I’m Laurie and the creator of this blog. I write on many subjects having to do with foster and adoption issues. Please check some out.

My last post was on the subject of adoptive children having healthy spirits. It is a subject for every person because we all need healthy spirits. Take a look.

Today I am going to talk about the adult adopted RAD heart and what we at Abba Father’s Love have been experiencing. I am honored to participate in what is happening in our client’s hearts. God’s amazing healing power is priceless!

 

Life Lessons:

        Wendy and I are in the process of taking an adult adopted RAD person through the process of healing his broken heart. It is amazing how life teaches some life lessons by the time someone reaches their thirties. Life can bring reality into the picture. When they are younger and have RAD – they only see life from a distorted, immature, and narcissistic point of view.

When an adopted RAD child reaches their late twenties or thirties they seem to break out of their delusions about life and about their biological families. By then life lessons have taught them some very valuable experiences. They finally can admit to their participation in the mix and this is a very good shift. They can even see the adoptive family wasn’t so bad.

 

Ministering to the Broken Heart of an Adult RAD Adopted Person:

        Sessions are somewhat easier with an adopted RAD adult client. They come in ready to work on their stuff because deep down inside they are still searching for bonding to happen with someone in order to feel connected and loved. They begin to realize what they believed all along wasn’t the truth.

The habits of adopted RAD adults are strong because they have lived them for so long. But if they are seeking help – their perspective has shifted as a result of trying and failing at healing themselves. This gloriously allows them to accept our input and techniques of healing.

Wendy and I are working with an adult adopted RAD person now and are excited with the changes we are seeing. This person is a delight to work with and is putting every ounce of effort he can into the process. His boss asked what happened to him that has made such a difference after only two sessions with us. We’re so pleased! It is such a pleasure to see the behaviors of the client change as healing transforms their thoughts.

 

 

What We Do:

We have found techniques that minister to:

  1. The adopted child’s broken heart.
  2. Biological hindrances
  3. Lies and vows which keep them trapped
  4. Practical steps to live differently
  5. Healing the brain
  6. Making a life plan

 

We Would Love to Help You!

        If you are an adult with RAD or are the parent of an adopted RAD child – we would love to help you. I am Laurie and I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please contact me and we’ll talk about the best process which will help you.

Adoptive parents – we can answer any questions you may have. If you want to bring your adopted RAD child in for a session we can help you with that too. Wendy and I will take them through the process of healing their broken heart.

Hope you have a great week. I will be here again with another post next week or the week after. Until then…

Can Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)Children Have a Healthy Spirit?

Children Who Have a Healthy Spirit?

 

Intro:

Hello there! It is my desire to encourage parents of foster and adopted children. I also want to encourage parents with children who have behavioral problems. Please take a moment to check out some of my other posts. You may find the information helpful.

My last post was about why RAD adopted children make their situations a win-lose “way of life.” You’ll have to read it to understand what I mean. This “way of life” isn’t beneficial to them or anyone else. Please check it out.

Today I want to talk about an adopted child’s spirit. This is really about anybody’s spirit. I am going to discuss how a person’s body, soul and spirit are to line up.

 

What?

The correct alignment of a person’s body, soul and spirit is very important. When the Bible says we are to be Spirit lead – it is in reference to the Holy Spirit leading us. But all humans have a body, soul and a spirit. The body, of course, is our physical body. Our soul is the part of us that can sin and the spirit of a human is the part that can readily connect to the Trinity.

Our spirit is to obey the Holy Spirit. Our soul is to obey our spirit and the Holy Spirit. Our body is to obey our soul who is obeying our spirit who is obeying the Holy Spirit. This is the correct alignment and the fastest way to  be led by the Holy Spirit

 

What Happens?

When a person accepts Jesus into their heart then the Holy Spirit is introduced to them. In the Bible the dove appeared from heaven when Jesus was baptized and that dove represents the Holy Spirit. Jesus then becomes the Lord of the person’s life and the scriptures say the Holy Spirit comes as the helper, nurturer and teacher.

The role of the Holy Spirit is so pertinent at this point because each of us have so much to learn. One of the most important things to learn is to be led by the Holy Spirit. The soul doesn’t usually like this because it has been in charge up to this point. Not only does the soul need to step out of being in charge it has to take two steps down and be under the obedience of both the Holy Spirit and the person’s spirit. Our souls are used to getting their own way. This is why purposeful realignment is necessary and important.

 

How do we align?

This is how I align. I call my spirit to attention and instruct it to come into submission to the Holy Spirit. I put Holy Spirit in charge of teaching and training me. I surrender my day and time to the Holy Spirit. I tell my soul it needs to obey the Holy Spirit and my spirit. My body needs to do the same.

When we receive any information through our five senses (taste, touch, hearing, smelling and seeing) we can ask the Holy Spirit to filter it and send it through our spirit to our soul. We are created to experience life this way because it is how Adam and Eve experienced life before the fall. This gives us the ability to think along with God. Although as humans, we have a limited thinking ability because we are not God.

 

What about our Adopted Children?

        They can learn this too. The difficulty is they like living out of their souls as does everyone else. But you can pray for them to desire to be led by the Holy Spirit. You could call their spirit to attention to be in the lead when you have your prayer time for them. This does have a powerful effect because as their parent you are implementing something that will help them live a safe and nurturing life.

 

Conclusion:

        Please leave a comment about this post if you have any thoughts or questions. I would love to further the conversation about this subject. I’ll be here again next week. Until then…

Making It a Win-Win with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

 

Making It a Win-Win:

 

Intro:

        Hello. I’m Laurie and I’m glad you’re reading this post. I like to encourage parents who have foster and adopted children or children with behavioral issues. Please read some of my other posts.

My last post was about RAD and a simple twist of fate. You’ll have to read it to appreciate the encouraging content. Take a second and check it out.

Today I am going to share on a topic which I have discovered in some of my Life Coaching sessions. I call it a win-win scenario and it seems to be helpful. I hope it will be helpful to you in your journey with RAD.

 

What Do I Mean by Win-Win?

        I need to lay a foundation first before any understanding of the win-win model will make sense. Every RAD adopted child I have had the honor of Life Coaching has an incredible need to make life a win for themselves and a loss for everyone else. In general, but not in every situation, the win-win model should be the model of choice. There are some situations where this is not feasible.

I use this model to remind RAD children of how it was a win-lose for them when their birth parents gave them away. Meaning, it is a win for their birth parent because they are too selfish (drug addiction, don’t want to be bothered with children, etc.) to parent them and they just wanted to be free of parental responsibility. So, that makes it a loss for their child who now has to be put up for adoption.

Adopted children seem to have a common attitude of self-pity. Justifiably so in some areas. I understand the deep wounding connected to the loss of family relationships and not being loved. But, self-pity is only helpful for a short period of time and then it becomes a deterrent rather than benefit to their state in life.

The problem is RAD adopted children like to milk self-pity for all it’s worth. Their self-pity drives them to always win and make it a loss for everyone else. This doesn’t go over very well for the other person and the RAD child then is usually friendless.

RAD adopted children have a hard time putting themselves in another’s shoes because of their desire for pity and the win-lose model. To make it a win-win is foreign to them because they think others are already winning. They can’t get away from believing they lost out on everything.

 

Sharing About the Win-Win Way of Life with the RAD Adopted Child:

In my Life Coaching sessions I explain to them they received the win-lose model when their birth parents gave them away. It was a win for their birth parents and a loss for them. We talk about how that made them feel to be on the lose end of the relationship. It touches the deepest part of their feelings because it is where their wounding started – causing great damage to their heart.

I gently bring to their attention they are being like their birth parents by always making win-lose model situations in their relationships. This helps them take a second look at the intentions of their heart. Sometimes it triggers a motivation to change their approach to a win-win model.

Some RAD children still “don’t care” and that tells me they are agreeing with some very serious lies and vows. This “don’t care” is pretty accurate evidence of a severely broken heart. I then proceed with some interesting questions about their heart which they probably wouldn’t have allowed beforehand. If they allow, I then minister to their broken heart which is so wonderfully powerful.

 

Conclusion:

        I would love to have a conversation about this subject. So, please leave a comment in the comment section of this post. If you would like my help via. a Life Coaching session – I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com It would be my pleasure to help in this way!

Well, that’s all for today. Have a great week! Until next week…

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