Finding Healing for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

Finding Healing for (RAD):

 

Intro:

I am Laurie and my destiny is to help parents of children with behavioral, foster and adoptive issues. It is what this blog is about. Please take some time and read some of my posts. They will be helpful.

My last post was about the difference between being a parent and a martyr. I talked about some clear lines between the two. I encourage you to read it.

Today I am going to talk about healing RAD. We are discovering some pretty awesome stuff and are seeing healing in the clients we are helping. So, I want to tell you about where we are located and how to get ahold of us.

 

Who are we?

         I am a Life Coach and my name is Laurie. I work in a facility called The Unleashed Healing Center. We do several forms of life coaching and inner healing. I do all the forms of life coaching and inner healing but my specialty is with parents of behavioral, foster and adoptive children.

In this specialty I have a ministry call Abba Father’s Love and it is a ministry of the Unleashed Healing Center. We are in the same building. Children clients are directed to me when parents call in for an appointment for their child.

 

Our Location:

The Unleashed Healing Center

845 Woodfield Court

Boardman, Ohio 44512

 

How to Connect:

Laurie@getrealliving.com

330-965-6000 (ask for Laurie)

What We Do:

We are seeing breakthroughs for the adopted RAD children clients. We help the parents heal too.

Much of the healing has to do with:

  1. Getting the RAD children to talk about their behaviors
  2. Dealing with generational issues
  3. Helping their hearts heal
  4. Helping them deal with the emotional trauma issues
  5. Doing family sessions
  6. Life coaching the RAD children on how to trust and love
  7. Life coaching the parents
  8. Helping the parents heal

 

What’s Happening:

Many breakthroughs are happening with our RAD clients. We are seeing:

  1. Broken hearts put back together
  2. Steps towards learning to trust
  3. Learning to love
  4. Connecting to others
  5. Acceptance of responsibility for how they have hurt others
  6. Communication of how they have been hurt
  7. Looking at the pain in their lives
  8. Healing the pain
  9. Allowing God in to protect them
  10. Seeing their birth parents through eyes of reality
  11. Learning the difference between boundaries and walls
  12. Learning there are those who can’t be trusted and are dangerous
  13. Choosing to change the RAD behaviors for behaviors that are appropriate and promote bonding
  14. Forgiveness towards the birth parents and their choices which have affected our clients lives negatively

 

Our Delight:

         It has been our delight to see the RAD children we are helping receive healing. Wendy (the lady that helps me in the sessions) and I are always amazed at the new discoveries we find with each client. It has been an incredible process and an honor get to know these children. Healing wonderfully changes the behaviors of these very hurt children. It is fun to see the real person (who is hiding inside them) revealed.

 

Conclusion:

         So, now you know more about us and we would like to know more about you. Think about what I shared above because maybe we can help you and your RAD child. Please leave a comment in the comment box or contact me at Laurie@getrealliving.com

I will be here to talk about more subjects next week. Hope you have a blessed week. Until then…

Being Adoptive Parents to Reactive Attachment Disorder RAD) Children – Not Martyrs

Being Adoptive Parents – Not Martyrs:

 

Intro:

Hi, I’m Laurie. I write this blog with a huge heart to help adoptive and foster families navigate through adoption issues. I know it is a difficult road at times and I have written helpful posts on many adoption subjects. Please have a look.

My last post was on the topics of emotional trauma and PTSD. Adoptive parents can develop PTSD as a result of their RAD child’s abusiveness. Please take a moment to read this post. If you or someone you know are dealing with PTSD – my last post will be helpful.

Maybe you don’t know what you are dealing with concerning your adopted child. Then my posts will be beneficial in the process of discovering what can happen in an adoptive family. Maybe you’ll find your answer.

Today I am going to talk about the subject of being a martyr vs. a parent. Read further to find out what I mean. Let’s build some boundaries of parenting.

 

Martyr definitions: (definition taken from my phone dictionary app.)

Martyr =

1)  One who makes a great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.

2)  One who endures great suffering

Parent =

1)  A person who adopts a child

2)  A guardian; a protector

3)  To act as a parent to; raise and nurture

 

We are Adoptive parents not Martyrs:

         I write this post in response to last week’s post. We as parents are not to accept behaviors from our RAD adopted children that cause us to live in PTSD or martyrdom. The disorder of RAD is our adopted child’s disorder and we did not cause them to be RAD. It is not our parental requirement to accept their blame, RAD symptoms or manipulative tactics. These issues are theirs only.

Parents, we are to be the very best parent to our adopted RAD children but there is a distinct difference between being a parent and being a martyr. Parenting is for preparing our children to go out into the world to be productive citizens to society. Being a martyr is so much more than parenting requires. RAD children demand sacrifices from parents that keep them fixated on themselves and this is never a good scenario.

It develops children who are narcissistic and demand chronic martyrdom from their parents. We do sacrificially give in some areas having to do with our time, talents and finances but I think we can all understand the difference of parenting and the martyrdom our narcissistic RAD children demand.

Being a martyr parent who sacrifices and suffers causes our adopted RAD children’s narcissism to strengthen into a disorder. The last thing our RAD child needs is another disorder. Our children need to learn and mature into taking responsibility for their own actions and life.

As our children grow, THEY need to put more effort into what they want than we do. They need to invest their time, talent and finances into their own future which is a sign of true maturity. This develops the ability to handle life and go after their own destiny with graditude.

I have seen too many parents revert to martyrdom (enduring great suffering and sacrificing) only to produce narcissism and selfishness in their adopted children. Above is the definition of being a parent. We are to raise, nurture, protect and guard our children. We are to give them all the love we have and bring them into maturity. We are not to suffer and sacrifice greatly to the point of martyrdom.

 

Conclusion:

If you want help with this subject could you please leave a comment in the comment box. I would love to help. I am glad to answer any question you have if I have the answer. Thanks!

If you would like some deeper help, I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please leave a message and I will get back to you. Have a great week and I will have another post next week. Until then…

Adoptive Parents, Reactive Attachment, Disorder (RAD) and PTSD from Emotional Trauma

Adoptive Parents, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and PTSD:

 

Intro:

Hello – I am Laurie. My intention for this blog is to prompt discussion with adoptive parents who have behavioral, adopted and foster issues in their children. Please read some of my posts. I’m sure you’ll find them helpful.

My last post was focused on two RAD symptoms. These symptoms affect adoptive fathers and their faithfulness towards their wives. Please check it out.

I have recently read up on PTSD and its effects on adoptive parents. Today I am going to write on my perspective about this subject. I know it helped me understand the process of living with someone who has RAD which causes PTSD to developing in the adoptive parents.

 

PTSD: (definition found on my dictionary app on my phone)

         PTSD = Post-traumatic stress disorder – an anxiety disorder associated with serious traumatic events and characterized by such symptoms as survival guilt, reliving the trauma in dreams, numbness and lack of involvement with reality, or recurrent thoughts and images.

 

Adoptive Parents of RAD Children and Emotional Trauma Causing PTSD:

         Last year I found some research which showed fourteen things everyone should know about emotional trauma. One of the fourteen things is PTSD. I have since done some added research and have found adoptive parents can develop PTSD as a result of living with the constant emotional trauma of RAD from their adopted child. It makes sense when it takes four to six weeks of being in a trauma situation to develop this disorder. So, let’s revisit research I found last year. (See below)

 

Definition of Emotional Trauma: Trauma is a shock or severe distress from experiencing a disastrous event outside the range of usual experience (such as rape or military combat). Any wrenching or distressing experience, especially one causing a disturbance in normal functioning. A powerful shock that may have long-lasting effects.

 

14 Things Everyone Should Know About Emotional Trauma:

1)  The traumatized person is in thought about the trauma events regularly

2)  They worry about what is going to happen next

3)  Traumatizing situations longer than four to six weeks can produce PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

4)  Trauma doesn’t always mean violence – for example: divorce, being bullied, a move or being overscheduled can cause emotional trauma

5)  It can cause insomnia, nightmares, or a racing heartbeat

6)  The person can feel disconnected or numb

7)  They can have a hard time learning or concentrating when stressed

8)  Trauma causes emotional shattering to the heart

9)  It can cause anger, irritability, sadness, mood swings, hopelessness chest pains and fatigue

10)              The person lives in guilt, shame and self-blame

11)              They withdraw from others

12)              Trauma can cause a person to trigger to noise, smells, etc.

13)              It causes the person to startle easily

14)              They live in fear, anxiety and/or terror

 

Do You Have These Symptoms?

         If you feel you have the above symptoms of triggering to noises, sounds, smells, etc., there is a chance you have PTSD. This may be due to living with your adopted RAD child’s symptoms longer than four to six weeks. RAD causes such upheaval in the home and emotional trauma to the adoptive parents. Maybe you can get some help if you relate to the symptoms.

If you do want help, find a specialist in your area who has worked with PTSD and has had success bringing healing. If you can’t find someone then maybe I can help. In the life coaching center I work at we have had success helping PTSD victims and we would love to help you. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Contact me and we can talk about how to set up sessions for you.

 

Conclusion:

         Well, that is all for today. Hope you were encouraged and if this doesn’t directly pertain to you maybe you could refer someone to us that can use our help. Blessing and have a great week! Until next time…

Adoptive Father Faithfulness When Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Children are at Work

Adoptive Father Faithfulness When Reactive Attachment Disorder Children are at Work:

        

Intro:

Hello everyone! I am here with another post to encourage adoptive and foster families. Please take a little time to read some of my posts. They are intended to help the families of behavioral, foster and adopted children who have issues.

My last post was for the parents of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) children when it comes to summer and needing a break. Summers can be very challenging especially for the adoptive mother. Please check my last post out.

Today I am going to specifically talk to adoptive fathers. I want to talk about RAD symptoms and how they affect everyone in the family. My heart is to bring some light to a couple of the RAD symptoms and how they relate directly to adoptive fathers.

 

I Hear This Over and Over:

         I’m not going to mince any words in this post. Adoptive mothers share (in my support groups) how the adoptive fathers are wrapped around their adopted RAD child’s finger to the point the adoptive mother is taken out of the place and role she is to have in the home. Adopted Fathers wake up!!

Two of the symptoms of RAD are:

  1. The adopted RAD child has charming behavior in public and with the adoptive father and is the total opposite at home with the adoptive mother
  2. The adopted RAD child triangulates

Take some time and look into the symptoms of RAD on line. You will find quite a list of them. This will bring understanding to all of the behaviors you are witnessing in your adopted RAD child.

 

Charming Behavior:

Fathers please watch your RAD adopted children in public. They will put on such an act of sweetness. I know because my husband and I would have parents from other tables at a restaurant come over and tell us how well behaved and sweet our two adopted RAD children were. I would almost fall off my chair.

If you watch – your children will target you (fathers) and do the same to you. They want to get you to believe your wife is against them and they need your help because they are so helpless. They know if they get you on their side against your wife it won’t be long till there is a divorce and their “competition” is gone. Then they will be King or Queen of the house. Then you want to watch your back.

 

Triangulating:

Triangulation is when your adopted RAD child will try and divide you and your wife on issues. They want the two of you to have opposing views. OR they want to get your wife out of the house so they can move into the role your wife is supposed to have. Sometimes they want your wife to die or want to kill her. Other times they want you to think your wife is crazy.

 

Adoptive Fathers:

In the support groups I lead I regularly hear about how easily the fathers are manipulated and controlled by the adopted child. The mothers are so frustrated and say they are being cheated not only out of the God given role of mother but out of the protection and relationship they used to have with their husbands!

Father’s, as you research the effects of RAD symptoms also research the rate of divorce in a family whose children are adopted and have RAD. The statistics are astounding and I don’t want your family to be a statistic. That would be ridiculous especially if it could have been avoided.

 

Conclusion:

Fathers please get involved for the good of the whole family. Come back to the place of true faithfulness pertaining to being your wife’s friend, lover and confidant. Then get the help your children need.

This is all for today. I hope this post triggers some good conversations between adoptive parents. See you here again next week. Until then…

Summer Balance and Reactive Attachment Disorder:

Summer Balance and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD):

 

Intro:

         Hi all! This is Laurie and I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com It’s my destiny to help parents with children who have behavioral, foster and adoption issues. Please take some time and read some of my posts. There are many topics I have written on.

My last post was about children who use the silent treatment to manipulate and control the home and those who live there. Parents need to see through the silent mind games and manipulations. Please check out my last post.

Today I am going to remind the parents who have RAD children about summer survival. I have written similar posts in the last two years. Today is just a little refresher.

 

Summer:

         If you have a RAD child I suggest that you plan regular times to get out of the house to have some alone time. Plan a weekend trip, salon days, girl’s night out, coffee with a friend, walks in the park, and dates with the spouse. Make these little escapes at regular intervals through the summer.

 

Reason for the Escapes:

RAD children love to take their anger out on the adopted mother. If you have read my posts you will understand adopted RAD children are angry at the birth mother and adoptive mothers are the closest person resembling her. So, we get the privilege of reaping the abusive behavior of the child they gave away. What joy is ours!!

Although we understand this, it still doesn’t make it any easier to have a child treat us with such contempt. This is the reason for consistent breaks and there is nothing wrong with respecting yourself enough to take them.

This also sends a message to our RAD children that we are not frozen by their intentional aggression. Showing them their behavior isn’t getting the results they desire goes a long way in communicating the ineffectiveness of their behavior. Continuing to take breaks shows them the importance of self-care and we all know all these kids need help in that area.

 

Husbands:

I challenge you to see that your wives get the regular rest and breaks they need to make it through the summer. Your adopted children will devise an all-out onslaught on your wife and you need to protect her. Summers for adoptive mothers are very long when a RAD adopted child is in the equation.

If your wife has a favorite friend or sister she likes to spend time with then make it happen for her. Send her away for a couple days. She will be so grateful. Then she will be able to face what is regularly coming at her from your RAD adopted children.

 

Conclusion:

         Adopted children mentally plan what they are going to do to the adoptive mother and then act on it. My two adopted daughters confessed to laying in their beds and thinking about all the awful things they were going to do to me all week. I remember feeling exhausted, abused and I dropped into bed every night.

So mothers, don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself. If you don’t – you’ll crash. Then who will take your place? NO ONE! Do the self-care so you can be in the race for the long run.

Well, that is all for today. I hope the adoptive fathers who are reading this post will engage to help your wife endure the summer. Your wife will think you are her hero.

If you would, please leave a comment in the comment box below. I would love to hear from you!          Come again next week for another post. Blessings to you! Until then…

Silent Treatment and Reactive Attachment Disorder:

Silent Treatment and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD):

 

Intro:

Hello everyone! I am Laurie and I love to help parents who have children with behavioral, foster and adoption issues. My blog is about so many topics concerning these issues. Please take some time to check some out.

My last post was about what is called the Mercy Season. I wrote about some characteristics of and how to participate in this season. Please have a look at my last post to find out more.

Today I want to talk about one of the issues foster and adopted children have which is difficult to live with. That issue is the silent treatment. I have lived through this issue with my adopted children and would love to give some insights.

 

Silent Treatment:

         The silent treatment issue effects the whole family if it is exhibited by the RAD adopted child. It disrupts communication and the adopted child uses it to control everyone in the house. It can be very emotionally damaging to the siblings and adoptive parents. Sometimes they use it on their friends if the friend is trying to challenge them to communicate.

Specifically, if the adopted child has RAD and is doing the silent treatment – you need to understand but not accept the silent treatment as a control behavior against everyone in your house. A RAD adopted child needs to win in the area of not bonding (as I have shared in other posts). They probably feel the person who is trying to communicate with them is trying to get too close and they can’t give that permission.

If a parent, sibling, or friend is challenging them as a means to their healing they are probably insulted because to them it is everyone else’s fault. They don’t or can’t see life with reality, so they dismiss the importance of what anyone is telling them. They usually feel they can only trust their own opinion because they are the only one who is there for themself.

 

What To Do?

         I wouldn’t play into their silent treatment. I didn’t allow the “I don’t know” or the “I don’t care” answers. I didn’t permit the silent shrugging of the shoulders. By the time this was happening in our home my husband and I were getting help for our adopted children.

At times I would have to stand right in their path and intentionally make eye contact with them. I would stand there until I would get a respectful verbal response of some kind. I knew I was the adult and I deserved respect in my own home.

 

Self-Care:

         I also went to the Trinity to talk and get healing care. This type of behavior from our misbehaving children hurts. It is important to acknowledge we are hurt and do something to help ourselves. The masters of healing are Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

We also need to discover if we have a place in our hearts where someone in our early years has hurt us. If there is a wound we can be potentially susceptible to the same kind of emotional wounding by our RAD children. Our past hurts can trigger the same emotional damage which can happen over and over. It is our responsibility to get our own wounds healed.

 

Suggestion:

         Find help for your adopted or foster children! There are therapists out there who understand adoption RAD, their silent treatment mind games and the damage it can do to a family. Help get your family healed.

 

Conclusion:

         Well, that is all for today. Please leave a comment in the comment section of this post. See you here again next week. Until then…

 

What Does the Mercy Season Have To Do With Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

What Does the Mercy Season Have To Do With

     Reactive Attachment Disorder?

 

Intro:

         Greetings! I’m here again with another post I hope will bring insight to the situations you find yourself in. I’m Laurie – the creator of this blog.

My last post was about the shattered heart we call DID. I’m sure you will find something in it to peak your interest. Please check it out.

Today I am going to talk about the Mercy Season. A man named Arthur Burke discovered revelation about the sevens in Biblical scripture and one of these revelations is something called the Mercy Season. Please read further to discover how this applies to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

 

Mercy Season:

         The Hebrew language is a language of imagery and depth of meaning. It is the language used in the Old Testament written with numbers and symbols to bring a broader understanding to the reader if it is studied to the fullest.

The Greek doesn’t go as far in it’s definitions but theologians say the Old Testament is a fore shadowing of what comes in the New Testament. Arthur Burke has done an in depth study of the sevens in all the scriptures and has found some amazing things. One is the seven seasons.

 

The Seven Seasons: (Based on Rom. 12:6-8)

  1. Prophetic
  2. Servant
  3. Teacher
  4. Exhorter
  5. Giver
  6. Ruler
  7. Mercy

Arthur Burke has written about how the church goes through these seasons and at this point we are in the midst of the Mercy Season. There are characteristics each season carries. For the sake of keeping this post to a reasonable length – I am only going to share on the Mercy Season. If you want more information on the other seasons – google Arthur Burke and get some of his resources concerning redemptive gifts.

 

Characteristics of the Mercy Season: 

     In the Mercy Season we can depend on certain characteristics attached to this season and here is a list of what they are:

  1. This is a season about the beauty in creation. We are to enjoy the sights and sounds, fragrances, and rhythm of God’s creation.
  2. The Mercy Season is a time to move slower to absorb the deeper things of life and what is on God’s heart.
  3. We are to soak in God’s presence – taking ample time to be with Him.
  4. This is the season for the presence of God to manifest in all our situations
  5. To purposefully draw closer to God and others with the heart of connecting in relationship
  6. Alignment to God and what is on His heart is important
  7. Is a season of safety

(There are more characteristics but I’m just going to focus on these)

 

How Does the Mercy Season connect to RAD?

If we are in the season God has established in His timing we are able to tap into the authority of the season. The Mercy Season is a season of rest. It is a season of connection and covenant relationship through spending time with God similar to the seventh day of creation.

On the seventh day of creation God spent the day with Adam and Eve and rested. They had God’s full attention and they fellowshipped together. Imagine the power of resting with the Almighty. It is a Holy time of connectedness and finding rest in the Father’s love.

So, how does this apply to RAD? Well, if you are reading this post and have a RAD child you understand rest is the last feeling which comes to your mind. But, if the Mercy Season is what is on the Father’s heart then invite the Father’s Mercy Season into the atmosphere of your home. Agree with the time and season God is in and welcome the authority the Father carries to cover your home with the anointing of the seventh day of creation. Then see what happens.

 

Conclusion:

I understand this concept is out there for some of you. But if you believe in Father God (the Father of Jesus), don’t you want to be in His season and in alignment with Him in all things? If so, we are in the season of Mercy. Join in the authority of what that means including resting in a relationship with Him.

That’s all for now. Please leave a comment or question. Until next week…

 

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