Choosing a Different Perspective of RAD Rejection


 Different Perspective To Healing RAD Rejection in You:

Today I’m going to talk about different perspectives. Healing from the wounds of our past and our present is a necessary process. When our adopted child rejects us because they have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and we trigger from that rejection, we probably have a soul (body or spirit) wound from our past relationships that needs healing. It’s normal to feel the sting of rejection, but if it goes deep, we need to consider that it isn’t “just the situation” causing such deep wounding. It’s possible that the present rejection we are feeling is rubbing up against a past wound that hasn’t properly healed. Below is a chart called the Trinity Window. Please have a look:

                                                      Trinity Window


                                             Body, Soul and Spirit Needs

Relationship                                  Soul Needs                                  Trinity

Father —————— Care (provision) ———- Father God      

                                                         Condition (protection)

                                                         Character (identity)                            

Siblings/friends ———- Companionship ———– Jesus


Mother ——————Comfort —————–Holy Spirit

                                                        Coach (teach)

                                                        Cultivate (nurture)



This chart has appeared in several of my recent posts because I will base most of the healing portion of this blog on this chart. I feel a relationship with the Trinity is the answer and foundation to ALL healing. Having the chart in front of you as you process through healing is helpful.

Change of perspective occurs when we exchange LIES for TRUTH. For example, maybe you don’t believe people like or love you. When your RAD adopted child rejects you or leaves you guessing if they love you or not – it triggers something deep inside.

This is a good indication that you have a soul wound. On the chart above – the relationships on the left were supposed to provide the soul (body, and spirit) needs printed in the middle column. If the soul need wasn’t met, then it wounds the soul and attaches a lie , through which we tend to process all of our pain. Now, our adopted child’s rejection isn’t just a result of their RAD. For us it becomes the affirmation of a lie we have always struggled with—that we aren’t likable or lovable. The relationships in the column on the right have the capacity to heal, remove that lie and replace it with truth. The Trinity long to help heal every single wound you have. Give them a chance.


 Vantage Point of Peace and Rest:

 This is where the change of perspective is realized. When any of the Trinity speak the truth to us it changes our perspective so we can view life from a different vantage point. This vantage point will be a place where the sting of the lie and wound doesn’t have power over us anymore. If  the lie and wounds are healed, and truth and Trinity relationships replaced them – then the soul (body and spirit) need is met, and healing is accomplished. This opens the door for the real Father God , sibling/friend/Jesus and Holy Spirit (closest to a mother relationship) can be imparted. Then our spirits, souls and bodies can be at a place of rest and peace because we are satisfied. What a relief!!

This rest and peace places us in rejection situations as the victor. We become completely capable of seeing the RAD rejection (or any other rejection) as being their problem and we can have an objective point of view because we already know we are so loved by the Trinity. Then we’re able to look at the rejecter with compassion and without personal hurt. When we do this we gain the capacity of fully loving the rejecter with the fullness of our love because the Trinity has fully loved us. What the Trinity has freely given us we can freely give to others without personal fear of more wounding or depletion to our soul.


What Does This Look Like For You and Your RAD Child:

 The Trinity want us to be in a place of complete bonding to them. The opposite is true for your RAD child. Their goal is to not depend on anyone – EVER – and yet we are created for relationship. SO SAD!!

Let’s lay a scenario out here: Your RAD child rejects you. You aren’t healed and it pushes your wounded  button. You’re hurting, don’t understand and keep trying to figure out what you have done wrong to cause your child to feel this way towards you. Then you decide to look past your own pain, “buck up” and try again. You’re greeted with more rejection that makes your retreat into self-reflection again – maybe thinking that if you try even harder your love will break through the wall around the RAD child’s heart. So you “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” so to speak and try again only to be repaid with harsher rejection from your adopted child. Every try and turn is met with sabotage from the RAD child. This plays out over and over until you have exhausted every idea and effort you can “drum up.” The “orphan spirit” (feeling on the outside looking in and not belonging to anybody) in you is triggered just as it is in your child. You’re exhausted to your inner core and maybe become hopeless at the looming mountain of rejection. Yet you know that your child needs someone’s help or they will never have a successful relationship with anybody.


Get Help for Both of You:

If you find yourself in this scenario, I suggest getting your RAD child some help by finding a therapy center that specializes in helping your RAD bond to you. Maybe you have already done that and you’re left severely wounded because it hasn’t worked out for you and your adopted child. Help yourself by finding an adoption support group, read my blog and try the steps that I have laid out in several previous posts. I will continue to lay out steps to help you realize your own healing. That is the point of this blog. I want to help the adoptive families. I share from a place of healing because I have gone through the same things you are facing with your RAD child. I’m here for you. Please respond in the box below. I would love to hear from you!!…