Forgiveness and RAD Rejection

Forgiveness and Freedom from RAD Rejection

In my last post I started talking on the topic of forgiveness. Through my training as a life coach I’ve learned the sheer magnitude of forgiveness when it comes to true healing and freedom from lies. In addition, un-forgiveness and bitterness can cause myriads of sickness.

Freedom from un-forgiveness and bitterness in addition to exchanging the lies for the truth goes a long way in solving inner turmoil. We aren’t designed to hold anything negative in our hearts, brains, emotions, wills, bodies or spirits. Bitterness, un-forgiveness and stress can keep us in a state of flux if we don’t delete them from our system. When these issues are paired with being wounded, the results can be devastating.

I’d like to revisit my reasoning for writing this blog in the first place. My husband and I have a biological daughter and two adopted girls.  Although my biological daughter grew up and learned to bond and love those around her – my two adopted daughters were diagnosed with a disorder called RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). This basically means they purposely chose to not bond in loving relationship with anyone. They didn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt them like their birth mother did because she gave them up.

Much of our adopted daughters negative behaviors were directed at me: I was the closest person in their life to their birth mother and they “punished” me in effort to get back at their birth mothers for abandoning them. I just wanted to love them, but no matter how much effort I poured into our relationships, nothing ever penetrated the walls they had erected around their heart. This caused me much personal pain and wounds. I found myself in a place of needing to forgive and find healing in order to move forward into wholeness. The following is a process of ten basic and practical steps for healing and forgiveness plus a simple chart showing relationships and responsibility. I use  these principles personally and to help others through this process as I life coach them.

Putting Together Seeing, Forgiving and Healing:

                                                       Trinity Window


                                             Body, Soul and Spirit Needs

Relationship                                                                                       Trinity

Father —————- Care (provision) ———–Father God      

                                                    Condition (protection)

                                                    Character (identity)                            

Siblings/friends ——–Companionship ————Jesus


Mother ————–  Comfort ——————Holy Spirit

                                                 Coach (teach)

                                                 Cultivate (nurture)


Let’s put together some practical steps of healing our wounded soul, body and spirit. Above is a chart called the Trinity Window. I know I have put this chart in the last few posts but I think it is important to see the chart. It shows Who in the Trinity is responsible for intentionally healing you in your body, soul and spirit. On the left is the relationships you have had growing up. In the middle are the needs that every person on the planet longs to have fulfilled. On the right is the Trinity (Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit) who want to heal the area in your body, soul or spirit that was wounded and never satisfied.


Practical steps to Receiving Your Healing:

1)      Find a quiet place so you can be alone with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

2)      Believe that the Trinity are there and are for you and not against you. You are created to be a part of Their family. So, if you haven’t asked Jesus into your heart, here is an awesome time to take that step. It is simple: Ask God to forgive all your sins and then ask Jesus to be Lord and Savior of your life. Then ask Jesus to come into your heart. When that happens, the Holy Spirit then comes to teach, comfort and nurture you. All your sins are put on the cross and paid for. You are now God’s son or daughter and have the same inheritance as Jesus does with God. Yeah!!

3)      Ask Holy Spirit to cleanse your fifteen senses (your body, soul and spirit each have their own five senses. Taste, touch, smell, sight and sound). We are using our spiritual senses to connect to the Trinity for this application of healing. Ask God to open your spiritual eyes so you can relate to Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit in a relationship that is real and personal – just like a family relationship. Remember that you are God’s son or daughter so you’re part of the family.

4)      Jesus says in scripture that His sheep hear His voice. So declare you can hear each of the Trinity’s voices and no other.

5)  If you are ready, forgive anyone you can bring yourself to forgive. It’s OK to start with little things that need to be forgiven and work up from there. Remember un-forgiveness and bitterness is like sickness to your soul. Holding on to them is only holding YOU in bondage and sickness; not whoever you can’t forgive. To be very clear, forgiving someone is not letting them off the hook. God will deal with whatever they did. Forgiving them is letting YOU off the hook, so they don’t have a way of keeping you in bondage or attached to them in any way. Then they won’t have any power over you anymore.

6)      Be real with God about how wounded you are. Did the relationships on the above chart meet your body, soul and spirit needs? Were there other extenuating events such as the effects of alcohol, drugs, poverty, etc. that causes the soul (body and spirit) needs to not be fulfilled? Pour your heart out to God.

7)      Ask God if there are any lies attached to your wounds and listen for an answer.

8)      Break agreement with that lie. (Sometimes there are more than one lie that is attached to a wound)

9)      Ask for the truth.

10)  Ask God to show you how He will meet your body, soul and spirit needs and see Him doing it. Ask Him to touch the wounded part of your soul and heal you. Ask Him what He thinks of you. Remember He will be positive, so if the answer is negative, it isn’t from God.

 These are beginning steps only, so try it and see if it works for you. There are other “healing tools” we can try… I will be talking about more tools in future posts, but I would like to hear how you’re doing with this tool. Please put a comment in the comment box below and ask some questions. I would love to walk you through your healing. Till next week….