Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part Two

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering

Intro:

         Hi all. Laurie here with another post. This blog is all about helping the foster and adoptive family navigate through adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) issues. It is my desire to make the road of adoption easier for those out there struggling in your adoption experiences. Please check out other posts I’ve written on the subject of RAD.

My last post was part one in this series of three posts. I encourage you to read it before reading this one. It will help you understand this post.

Today I am continuing to speak on the topics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and integration. The goal with DID is integration. Here are my three definitions below.

 

My Definitions:

1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and it is at this point (even at days old) this child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child then lives their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for healthy attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering/DID– Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person can “shatter” inside and have more than one personality. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – when the parts are put back together.

 

DID Shattering:

         I know this is a blanket statement but trauma is a common occurrence in life and intense for some people. We all have lived through trauma but some have lived through much more trauma than others. Trauma causes DID and I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of humans are shattered – at least a little. You see, DID can have levels – from mild to severe. DID can vary from a couple parts to many.

Have you ever been driving a car and you can’t remember going through the last stoplight. This is a form of dissociation but not because of trauma. It’s about our thoughts being totally engrossed to the point we are somewhere else for a brief while in our minds.

This is not what I’m talking about in this post. I’m talking about when trauma was so intense the main personality (core) wasn’t able to face or bare the pain, abuse, or event at hand. The main personality disappeared and an alternate personality (or shattered part) came forward to lead and deal with the situation.

 

Honoring Again:

         Just as I said in my last post – a part needs to be honored because it is the result of the person’s inability to know what to do with what is happening to them. This part or parts have protected the person and helped them survive sometimes multiple horrific events without being fully emotionally destroyed.

It is important not to integrate a part if the person is still going through trauma or abuse. If this is the case any integration could possibly revert back to fracturing again for the sake of protection. Again this part has worked long and hard for the sake of protecting and keeping the person secure and safe.

A shattered (DID) person needs to feel safe and trust their best interests are the goal before any permission is given to anyone facilitating integration. Integration is the goal but the person has depended on these shattered part – sometimes for years. It is my understanding a part is like a friend and some have had them for a very long time.

 

Understanding:

I have laid a foundation of understanding in my last post and this one about DID.  My intention is to bring some understanding to very difficult terminology and connect it to the situation you may find yourself in or seeing in your adopted child.

 

Conclusion:

As I bring this post to a close I want to encourage you to come back again next week to read my next post. I will connect DID and RAD as I feel it applies to adopted children. They go through such trauma and I would not be surprised if they are shattered too.

Maybe you see some shattering in your child already and want to get them some help? I would love to help and can be contacted at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please contact me so we can set up an appointment.

Please leave a comment or question in the box below – I want to help.  God’s blessings! I’ll be right here again next week…

        

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Getting Rid of Ungodly Soul Ties

Ungodly Soul Ties:

 

In my last post I talked about how to tell if you have an ungodly soul tie to someone in your life. (Please check it out ) In this post I am going to go through the steps of getting rid of ungodly soul ties. This relates to the mission of my blog because it’s possible to develop ungodly soul ties to our adopted child.

Imagine an ungodly soul tie as a hook in your soul that is attached to a rope. On the other end of the rope is another hook that is hooked into another person’s soul.  This keeps the two of your souls attached to each other in a way that is not healthy. Please understand it is normal to be tied to another person—healthy bonding is the ultimate goal in any relationship. A problem emerges when the tie becomes “ungodly” and puts the other person in the wrong place in your heart or prevents you from thinking without their voice in your head. Remember that God always gets the first slot in your heart. If there is anyone in that slot, there is a very probable chance you have an ungodly soul tie to them. Breaking ungodly soul ties will be good for you, the person you are tied to and your relationship with them.

 

Steps to Breaking Ungodly Soul Ties:

 1)      Be honest with yourself about what has gone on in your life. Breaking an ungodly soul tie with someone is not saying they are bad. They probably did the best they knew how in the parenting department (if your ungodly soul tie is to your parent). Or maybe the person was pretty mean and controlling and you need a separation from their influence to think independently. Whichever is your story, the first step to healing and moving forward into wholeness is being real with yourself about what is truly going on.

2)     The next step is to connect (in prayer) with the Trinity. They play the role of healer. In a previous post I have talked about allowing the Trinity to heal us and the avenue they use is “seeing in the spirit realm.” (Please check out my post on seeing in the spirit)

3)    The point of breaking an ungodly soul tie is to give back all the things that they gave you that DIDN’T BELONG TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. There may be a list of things that you will need to give back.

Here are some examples:

  • Giving back all their control and manipulation that seems to be effecting you now.
  • All the negative words that they spoke to you or the verbal and emotional abuse they couldn’t seem to keep to themselves.
  • Give back all the silent treatment and punishment that they gave you even when you didn’t do anything that deserved such treatment.
  • You could give back all the time you wasted on hoping they would say or do something that made you feel valuable and of some worth.
  • They may have been a person that expressed their feelings with anger and rage. Give them back both the anger and rage… (This list could be very long so when you have exhausted the list then move on to the next step)

4)    Take back all the things that you should have had. Here are some examples:

      • Take back your ability to make a decision.
      • Take back your peace of mind and independence.
      • Take your significance back with the ability to work with your spouse to decide what is good for your family.
      • Your self-worth, time, privacy, job, place in the community, dignity, innocence, and many more topics are all yours and should have been from the beginning.  Take them all back till you can’t think of another topic.

5)      Here is where you invite the Holy Spirit to come and take the hook out of your soul. He will and then ask Him to heal the spot where the hook was. This is done so there won’t be a hole in your soul.

6)      Next, ask the Holy Spirit to give you back all of your soul that the other person may have taken from you. Again, the point is to make your soul whole so you’re able to receive love to the point of satisfaction, even overflowing. This allows you to love from a place of abundance instead of lack.

7)      Put God first in your heart and then place everyone else where they should be.

8)      The last step is very important. You need to forgive the person you had an ungodly soul tie with to be totally free. (I’ve talked about forgiveness in a previous post – please check it out) Un-forgiveness is a way an ungodly soul tie can stick with you, even if you went through all the steps.

Being a life coach, I have seen this process work. So, take a chance and break your ungodly soul tie. Put everyone in the right place in your heart and then forgive the person. You’ll gain a supernatural release which is freeing. 

Do You Have an Ungodly Soul Tie to Your Adopted Child?  

Can you answer this question honestly? If you can and if you do have an ungodly soul tie with your adopted child – it’s not too late. Do the steps in the above paragraphs including repenting for being the voice in their head.  Then accept your freedom. If your child or anyone else is in the place in your heart they shouldn’t be, repent and put God first. Align the other people in the right place. It will bring freedom in your life and it will heal your relationship with your adopted child too.    

In my next post I will continue with another healing tool – so check back next week… Please connect with me by putting a comment in the comment section of this post. I would love to chat with you!! Till then…