Adoption Parents – Developing Inner Peace – Part Two:

Developing Inner Peace – Part Two:

Intro:

         Hello all. I’m Laurie and I started this blog to encourage all the foster and adoptive families out there navigating through RAD issues. Please check out the previous posts I’ve written on the subject of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is my heart to help parents see and understand RAD better.

My last post was part one of a five part series on peace. Please take a moment to read it because it will help you understand this post better. Besides, you can get too much peace in their life?

Today is about the second letter in my acronym PEACE which is E for Exclusive and the opposite of exit. This is my effort to portray peace in a way that most of mankind hasn’t understood and maybe hasn’t tried or experienced. I hope you find inner peace in your heart as a result.

 

E for Exclusive vs. Exit:

The definition for exclusive according to the dictionary app. on my phone means:

  1. Excluding or tending to exclude: exclusive barriers.
  2. Not allowing something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive conditions.
  3. Not divided or shared with others
  4. Not accompanied by others; single or sole: your exclusive function.
  5. Complete; undivided: gained their exclusive attention.

When life gets as tuff as it does living with a human who has RAD – you may get frustrated with the inability to get through to them. I understand the disappointment of trying over an over to no avail. This may have driven you to a place of no options leading you to wanting to exit the situation. I know I was at this place of loneliness and desperation. My desire was to see something that would work for my daughters only to realize there was no answer in sight.

Scripture says, “God is a jealous God” and one of the commandments says, “You shall have no other God before Me.” (Ex. 20:3) God was and is a very exclusive God. Mankind has believed many good and evil things about God in the scriptures (above) and everyone is entitled to their own opinion – including me.

So, this is my version of the two quotes from the Bible stated above. God’s idea of creating mankind was for the sake of creating a world of sons and daughters that He can be Abba Father to. (Rom. 8:15) He gives us the right to accept Him or not because He is fair and a gentleman. But, if we do accept Him – it is an exclusive relationship. We are not to have any other God before Him because He is jealous for our love and affection just as He wants to exclusively give us love and affection. Even during our devotional times – He doesn’t want to share us with any other person or event which would interrupt the flow of His love, encouragement and presence. (Presence was the P for PEACE in my last post)

In this place of exclusiveness we are affirmed of who we are and who’s we are. It is part of His plan to be only ours and we are only His. This is in reference to the first place in our hearts being held exclusively for Him. No one can have this place of Father to son/daughter and son/ daughter to Father.

His love is powerful and life changing. Again, this is His intention so we are in a place of safety and peace can flow from Him to us. What a redemptive state of being. What a place of security in love. All with the results of peace.

This all may be sounding strange to you but I can tell you it is not. You can live in inner peace. You can exclusively reserve the first place in your heart for Father God. He will exclusively be your God before all other Gods. He jealously wants to be your Father and bring you peace. This is a much better conclusion than merely exiting the situation out of frustration.

Do you want this in your life? Do you want inner peace? Can you reserve the first place in your heart for the God of the universe? Can you allow Him to be jealous for you and your affections? If you do – I can help you. I am a life coach and have helped many people in the process of making God first and accepting His exclusive love. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Call and make an appointment with me and I would be glad to help you.

 

Conclusion:

         Thanks for listening and please leave a question or comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you. Until next week…

Self Help for the Parent of the RAD Adopted Child

 Helping Your Soul and Spirit:

 Intro:

 This blog is for the families out there struggling with the symptoms of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) in your foster or adopted child. I have written many posts about the subject. Please have a look.

My last post was titled “Keeping a Few Steps Ahead of RAD”. I gave a couple examples of what to do and the insights as to why it’s necessary to stay ahead. Your child desperately needs you to lead!

Today I’m going to give you some resources that have been beneficial to me in my journey with RAD. Most of the resources aren’t about parenting as much as personal spiritual growth, healing and encouragment for your soul and spirit. It is my opinion – the healthier the parent – the healthier the RAD child. So, I gathered and experienced as many different resources to feed my soul and spirit as I could in my journey through adoption and RAD.

Resources: (all of the resources are Christian sites except number one)

 

       CD’s, DVD’s and Books:

  1. Dr. Keck’s books on parenting the hurt child. It’s about parenting the RAD child. It gives a list of RAD symptoms. I believe it can be purchased on Amazon.
  2. Any resources from Graham Cooke. He is a Prophet and his information is very helpful to heal the soul. He has gone through healing himself and has a very gentle approach to helping others. His resources are found at brilliant bookhouse.com
  3. There is a sight on line called Elijah list you can join for daily prophetic words of encouragement (For your-self and for the nation). This is a very insightful site.
  4. Patricia King at xpmedia.com. She is a prophet and all her resources are helpful for healing the soul and lifting the spirit. Her prophetic resources are phenomenal! She has so many topics but I suppose the best are the Glory School and the prophetic cd’s and workbooks.
  5. ibethel.org is another sight with good resources. They are located in Redding, California. Anything in their store by Danny Silk, Bill Johnson, Chris Vallotton, or the DVDs called Sozo will be helpful. They want to help families succeed and have more meaningful relationships. Their worship music is wonderful too.
  6. Book by Jonathan Welton called “The School of the Seer”. It teaches you how to see in the spirit like the prophets did in the Bible. (For example the book of Revelation in the New Testament is all seeing a vision) This book can be purchased on Amazon.
  7. Arthur Burk has many cd’s that are helpful in understanding yourself and those around you. I would suggest the “Redemptive Gift” and “Blessing Your Spirit” cd’s to begin with. The redemptive gift cd’s are about the seven gifts that are found in the book of Romans (12:6-8) that are basically seven “personalities.” This set helped my husband and I understand each other exponentially better! The cd’s can be purchased on Amazon.
  8. Book by Joy Chickonoski called “Becoming Lovers”. It is a devotional type book that helps the reader gain a more close relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. This book is about a relationship with the Trinity that is spirit to spirit – as the Bible teaches. I found it very inspirational because it touches the soul and spirit deeply. It can be purchased at unleashedhealingcenter.com
  9. Music: Any music by John Belt, Cathy Mart, Julie True, and Terri Geisel. All of these music artists have very soothing music that calms and are good to play when you’re having your quiet time with the Lord. They are all Christian artists and most of their music is instrumental.

 

Conclusion:

 The best way to face the effects of RAD is to be refreshed and healed yourself. The above resources will help you accomplish such a goal. Please look into these resources to gain understanding first for yourself and then for understanding about those around you.

I would love for you to comment in the box below so we can converse about adoption, RAD or other topics having to do with your adoptive family. Next week I’ll be talking about why your RAD adopted child is attracted to witchcraft. Until then…

Healing Process

Looking Inward: My Personal Healing Process:

In this post I want to begin to talk about my healing process. Maybe you are at a place where things haven’t gone very well with your adopted child.
My last post was the culmination of our time with our adopted girls. One of our adopted daughters  had to be removed from our home because she was threatening to kill me and the other decided she wasn’t a family member anymore and moved on because she was of the legal age to do so.

How does a person decide they’re not a family member anymore? How does someone think they have a right to kill someone who loves them deeply because they want their birth mom instead? These questions spent much time rattling around my head, but the answer is beyond me. When it comes to RAD, the person who has this issue hasn’t bonded to anyone. Their decision to separate from others doesn’t affect them like it would you and I.

With both of our adopted daughters gone, my husband and I were devastated and wounded to the core. I cried to the point that no sound came out. Our weariness, disillusionment and shock were all wrapped into one. Almost all in one whack we had an “empty nest.” We didn’t understand what we did to deserve such horrible events in the overall span of our family timeline! RAD is such a devastating disorder to adoptive families!

This brings me to the name of my blog: “Abba Father and His Love.” I have believed in God ever since I was little because I grew up in a Christian home. My father was an elder of the churches we were in since I was three years old. But I have to be honest with you: Nothing I was taught in church prepared me for what we went through with our adopted girls!!

Yes, I was taught that “love concurs all.” Well, it didn’t happen that way for us. I spent a great amount of time talking to God about why my husband’s and my intense love wasn’t enough to get through to either of our girls. Why didn’t things work, even though we gave it all we had? We loved with all our hearts!! We also spent a huge amount of money for the best therapy we could buy for our girls, and it didn’t break through the wall of  their independence and self-protection. “NO ONE” in their minds were allowed close. This brought us so much disillusionment and confusion about how life is “supposed” to work. At this point, I felt like I didn’t know which end was up!

Confronting the Orphan in me:

BUT THEN I came into contact with a wonderful group of life coaches who walked me through what I call “The dark night of my soul.” I discovered that, even though I grew up in a very loving family and didn’t doubt that I was loved, that I had “orphan issues” too.

No one on this planet can say that their life is perfect and they were perfectly loved. Everyone, has one thing or another that caused them to feel rejected, abandoned, or not loved. We are all in this boat and need some soul healing.

I faced my disillusionment, pain, and rejection that represented my orphan issues and ran into the loving arms of my savior – Father God. It took me quite a long time to heal but I can say today that I am healed and whole and wouldn’t trade the experiences with my adopted daughters. I have gained the  “proverbial gold nuggets” through my healing process!!

I had to look very intently at what my true identity was, why I was on this planet and what I was created to do. I am happy to say that I went through all the “horrible stuff” so I can help the other families who are going through the very same “horrible stuff.” I want to travel along your with you on your journey of healing too. I also feel that someday I am going to be instrumental in ministering to the RAD heart.

Let me just take a minute and encourage those who are weary and discouraged about their RAD orphan. You can run to your Saviors (Jesus, Father God and Holy Spirit) to comfort your weary and maybe somewhat-orphaned soul. They want to help you heal and get back on your feet again. They know how to love you perfectly and it is just this kind of love that goes very deep and transforms – the way that only their love can.

If you relate or want to ask questions, please leave a comment below. Talk to you next time. Until then…