Burden Bearing and Your Adopted Child

Burden Bearing 

 I hope you enjoyed my last post on the Joharian window! Today I’m going share on the topic of “Burden Bearing.” Burden bearing has been a frequent issue needing addressed in my own life, as well as the lives of my coaching clients.


 Personal effects of burden bearing:  “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

Burden bearing has affected me greatly, even as a small child. I can sense when someone is hurting, in pain or angry. Many times I would desire to “fix” the situation for the other person and oftentimes didn’t know how to fix it. More importantly, I tried to fix it when it wasn’t something God was asking me to fix.

I didn’t know what to do with this insightful information I sensed about others’ feelings. I didn’t communicate with my parents what was happening inside me, simply because I thought that everyone sensed the feelings of others the same way I did. Other times, I didn’t know what to do with my own personal feelings. Therefore, I stuffed my own feelings and all the ones I was sensing around me.

Looking back, I realize my mom reacted the same way. I was just emulating what I saw to be true in the parental example playing out before me. Just as I didn’t know any better, neither did my mom. Scripture says that we are to bear one another’s burdens. This drove me to ask the question: How is this really supposed to be lived out?


We get in God’s way when we live in burden bearing:

 There is a fine line between bearing someone’s burdens and enabling someone. When we try and rescue someone out of their responsibilities or feelings, then carrying one another’s burdens has crossed that line. We are to cry with those who cry, but rescuing them out of their situation or feelings (when God is not leading you to) prevents God from teaching a life lesson.

Everyone is supposed to have their own feelings. God created us like that and like Him. When we take on someone’s feelings we are trying to take on part of them. Sensing someone’s feelings isn’t wrong but trying to take their feelings on is very wrong. People who are very merciful struggle with separating the two.

We are to empathize with others but when we sympathize with others it causes that person to live in a place of self-pity. Empathy is the ability to identify with or understand another’s situation or feelings. Sympathy is feelings of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; commiseration.


 Life Lessons:

 We are created to learn life lessons intertwined in a relationship with the Trinity. Each lesson teaches us who they are FOR us, and allows for them to heal what they couldn’t be FOR us in other situations from our past. We see a new facet of them with each lesson or  emotion if we purpose to connect with them through it all.

If we are in touch with the Trinity, all feelings (positive or negative) cause us to search for a higher being and for greater revelation about life. The Trinity is always the answer. They are masters at setting up situations in our life that bring meaning. Amazingly enough, it is through feelings, and sometimes tough situations.

So, crossing the line into burden bearing cheats a person out of some of the most meaningful memories of their life. The Trinity encompass the most impactful beings in the universe and to get in their way by burden bearing is downright intrusive. It prevents the person we are attempting to “save” from receiving the full impact of the Trinity’s lovingkindness.


How Burden Bearing Effects Our Body, Soul and Spirit:

 Each burden bearer may live out burden bearing in a unique way. Universally, burden bearing is very tiresome to the soul. It puts the soul in “first place” (instead of our spirit) when we align ourselves with the Trinity. Our soul gets weary when we are out of alignment. We then depend on our own soulish self-effort to get us through. Soulish self-effort is the quickest way to exhaustion.


The right alignment:

1) Be led by your spirit who is being led by the Holy Spirit.

2) Your soul submits to your spirit who follows the Holy Spirit.

3) Your body submits to the other two parts who are in submission to the Holy Spirit.

When you are in proper alignment then your soul isn’t over worked. All direction and instruction for your life come from the Trinity who are communicating to your spirit. We are then led by the Holy Spirit who leads us into rest and peace. From this place, we receive Kingdom revelation and wisdom to do the right thing. Then, the burden is on the Trinity to lead and instruct us in what to do and how to live our day.


Nancy to the Rescue:

 I once heard Nancy Foriet deliver a powerful message on this topic. She shared that we are to bear one another’s burdens but we are not supposed to keep them. Once we intercede for the burden that God is putting on our hearts, we are to cast them back onto the Lord. (Psalm 55:22)

If you burden bear, then you are probably an intercessor. We have the privilege of partnering with God in prayer, which is why you’re sensing something in the first place. God wants to include you in His day and He chooses prayer and relationship with Him to accomplish this. He is touching your heart and feelings (Burden bearing) so you will pray with Him and then turn the burden over to Him. WOW!!


Nancy came up with a practical steps to deal with burden baring:

Burden Bearing Steps

 1)     Pray for discernment of what you are picking up: a person, a people group, a nation, the land, yourself or generational iniquity.

2)     Declaration:

  1. Lord, You are the answer.
  1. You are THE Intercessor.
  1. I am AN intercessor (I proclaim dependence on you).

3)     Lord, I pray for ________________. (the burden, person, etc.)

4)     I bring YOU the burden and LAY IT DOWN.

5)     Lord, please TAKE the burden.

 Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He shall sustain you”

 (Found on www.TruthMinistriesCA.com)


 What does this have to do with our adoptive children?

 I’m sure by now you have realized how this applies to you and your relationship with your adopted child. Pray for them and then turn all your burdens for them over to the Lord. He sees all the issues (if there are any) and He will be faithful to you both! Trust the Lord to be amazing and your daily savior.

Please leave your comments in the box below. I’ll share on another tool next week. Until then…