RAD Symptoms Sabotaging Christmas:

Christmas Holiday:

Intro:

Merry Christmas a few days early. Laurie here with my next post. I have written many posts so have a look.

My last post was on RAD adopted children and the magic age of eighteen. Many leave home at this age to go out on their own.  I talked about getting help to prevent this from happening before they are ready. Check out my post.

Today’s post is about the need RAD adopted children have to sabotage Christmas, birthdays or holidays. It is a difficult behavior to navigate through. Please read further.

Reasoning Behind the Sabotaging:

        During any holiday or birthday adopted RAD children are in a fantasy mode. They are imagining how life would have been if they didn’t have to be adopted out. Along with not letting anyone to close to bond to them – an adopted RAD child will do a myriad of behaviors to ruin or sabotage a holiday. They act out over and over to produce reactions so no one will bond to them.

This is also the tactic they use to prevent anyone from entering their heart where they think their birth family belongs. They believe there is not enough room in their heart for two fathers or mothers – let alone any extra siblings. It is quite sad when viewed from their perspective.

Your Christmas Day:

        You don’t need to let their sabotaging ruin your holiday. It takes a certain ability to separate the reasoning of their behavior from what you are truly carrying in your heart towards them. Which of course is love. When they act the way they do it is because of their deception about only loving a few people at a time. BUT you are capable of loving many loved ones and it puts you in a vulnerable position.

You don’t have to put up with sabotaging behaviors. Don’t let their prickly behaviors wound your soul. That is what they are wanting it to do. Maintaining the right perspective allows you see to see they behave like this out of their fears. Mainly fear of rejection so they reject first so they don’t get hurt. They are so sick. You are not sick.

Instead, focus on the people around you who can receive your love and give love back. Until your child heals they won’t be able to love you the way you need them to love you. They will refuse to love because they can’t let you close enough to hurt them like their birth mother has done by giving them away.

Suggestions for the Holiday Sabotaging:

        I have changed my perspective about how to respond to sabotaging. I used to say send them to their room and have fun until they want to rejoin the group. Now I understand they want to be in their room to avoid bonding. So, here are some suggestions that keep them with everyone but can detour their behaviors in a social setting.

1)  Give them a choice of calmly participating or cleaning up the discarded Christmas wrapping paper.

2)  Give them a choice of waiting for their next gift or calming down, having fun, and opening their next gift.

3)  Give them a choice of sitting beside you or beside someone else in the room.

 

The Point:

It is ok for you to enjoy your holiday. Enjoy all the other people who are around you and give all the love you have to them. Loving is what holidays are all about. Just realize it is not you who is causing the behaviors your RAD adopted child is displaying. It is the results of the wounding they received from their biological parents rejection.

Conclusion:

        I understand what I am asking you to do is difficult but I just want you to be able to enjoy your holiday. Until RAD children heal they won’t be able to love you fully so release them from that requirement. It will relieve your heart ache need for their love.

Well, that is all for today. Be blessed and have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. There won’t be a post next week. Until next time…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Helping Biological Children Heal From the Effects of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD): | Abba Father's Love

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