Authority to Maintain a Protective Cover for Our Adopted Children:

Maintaining a Protective Cover:

 

Intro:

In this paragraph I always introduce myself and encourage adoptive and foster parents to read some of my posts. In addition, I want to emphasize connection and my desire to get to know my reader. So, please comment on any of my posts so we can connect.

Please have a look at my last post. It is about treating Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) before a crisis arises. If an adopted child has RAD a crisis will eventually arise. It’s important for you to get the help your child needs before their behavioral issues flare. Please find help from someone who understands RAD.

Today I’m going to talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Mainly because I am a life coach. I love what I do. Please read further to understand what I’m communicating.

 

Adoptive Parent Wounds:

        Adoptive and foster parents can experience many avenues of wounding from an adopted child. If the child has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) their need to inflict wounds can be intense. The help for inflicted wounds is emotional healing.

I have written on this subject in other posts promoting the emotional healing the Trinity provides. This healing is so needed because our adopted children know full well how to inflict the pain that causes emotional wounding. But if you are healed and their wounding doesn’t go into your soul – your RAD child would lose the avenue of causing additional emotional wounding. This is to your benefit.

Emotional wounds from anyone’s childhood lay negative foundation wounds in the soul. If our adopted children touch the same wounded spots it causes the wounds to go deeper and spread wider. It is important to recognize where the first wounding came from so the soul can be healed from the beginning. This assures full and lasting healing and prevents any further infliction from penetrating the soul.

 

Authority to Help Our Foster and Adopted Children Heal:

        In our society we have many structures set up which have authority. Take for example our Government. Each person in the Government had a process of training, and college, etc. Then they were voted in and set in place.

Fathers and mothers have a different process of obtaining authority. The parental authority I’m talking about is an emotional healing authority. We gain this through our own emotional healing process.

Our children need us to achieve our own emotional healing. When we emotionally heal, this gives us authority to help our children heal in the same or similar areas. As we become more and more healed we also gain the authority to maintain a healing atmosphere in our homes. This then enhances healing opportunities for our children.

Our children don’t have the ability to accept healing from someone who has some of the same wounds. If our adopted children somehow heal and we don’t – how does that help? We will be stuck and they won’t have the support system in place to enhance their further healing. We as parents need to take care of our own emotional wounds first so we can help our children do the same.

 

Conclusion:

        How is this done? If you can’t or don’t know how to help yourself or your children then I am a life coach. I would love to help. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com We can set up an appointment.

If you don’t want my help then please get help from a trusted counselor, doctor or therapist who understands RAD. The important thing is to start the process of emotional healing for all concerned. Life on the other side healing is so good.

I’ll be here again next week. Hope your week is good!! Until then…

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Treat Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Before Crisis Hits:

Before Crisis Hits:

 

Intro:

        Laurie here again with another post for foster and adoptive parents. Some of my posts also pertain to children with behavioral problems. If you are in these situation please check out my other posts.

My last post was about trauma that changes the brain. I suggest learning about the brain of adopted children. Please have a look at my last post.

Today I am going to talk about treating adoption RAD before a crisis happens. If you are going to foster or adopt and don’t know what RAD is, I would suggest reading up on the subject. Please read this post further to understand what I mean.

 

Treating RAD Soon Enough:

Two of the most grievous issues connected to adoption are:

  1. Not understanding RAD
  2. Not treating RAD in their preschool or elementary school years

My husband and I made this mistake. I would hate for you to do the same. Studies have shown if RAD is treated young – the odds of recovery are substantially high. Waiting until their teen years or when a crisis arises is difficult because by then they are set in their ways. Set ways or habits are hard to change. RAD habits are especially hard to change.

Many times by the teen years their RAD symptoms are so ingrained into their behavior they believe everyone acts like they do. They don’t think anything is wrong and become amoral in their behavior, attitudes and choices. This causes such chaos in the adoptive family.

 

Have Your Child Assessed:

        It would never hurt to get your adopted child assessed by a professional. Go to a professional with in-depth knowledge of RAD. There are many disorders which have similar symptoms as RAD. A Professional with the appropriate knowledge of RAD will be able to help you and your child. Finding the best process to navigate through all the issues is the goal.

 

Get Help Before A Crisis:

        If your child has RAD and you don’t know it then RAD usually leads the adopted child into some kind of crisis. Speaking from experience – it is no fun. Both of our adopted children ran into crisis before we got them some help. We weren’t properly educated about RAD.

I have confessed in previous posts I thought I could love my adopted children out of their problems. If I would try harder and was the most patient mother – they would come through alright. Well, was I wrong!! RAD doesn’t just heal when someone tries to love them. It takes help and hard work. Adopted RAD children refuse both receiving and giving love and any kind of relationship bonding.

 

Research:

If you have adopted and your children are young – please get them assessed to make sure they are bonding to you and your husband. If they are pre-teen or older don’t waste any time. Go to a RAD professional who has experience and get started on the healing process. Do this before a crisis arises that puts your child or you as a family in any danger. Many RAD children feel they are invincible and don’t discern danger. This is a set up for a crisis.

 

Conclusion:

Wendy and I work with RAD children and their parents. We are seeing healing and progress in both the children and their parents. We love what we do.

If you have any questions or need help in what I have said in this post, please leave a comment in the comment section. I would love to converse further on this subject. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com

I will have another post next week. Blessings to you and your family. Until next time…

Trauma Changes the Brain of an Adopted Child:

Trauma Changes the Brain:

 

Intro:

I am Laurie and the creator of this blog. I write because I felt alone and hopeless when my husband and I were going through the worst of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) symptoms in our adopted children. It is my desire to encourage foster and adoptive parents who are going through the same or similar things in your families.

My last post was about adoption support group fun. Every parent faced with RAD needs the release laughing and relationship connection brings. This happens in an adoption parental support group. Please take a moment to read my last post.

Today I am going to talk about the effects of trauma on the brain. It is a daunting topic to talk about. But a necessary one to know about.

 

Trauma:

        A trauma victim learns lies about life when trauma happens. They can also have what I call distorted life glasses they see life through. When healing starts they have to undo the learned lies and take off the distorted glassed to receive the truth and healing.

They also can develop Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) which I call a shattered heart. Basically their heart (soul) is broken into mini personalities (pieces). It takes true patience and knowhow to help them put their heart (soul) back together again.

 

What Does This Have To Do With The Brain?

        My definition of the heart (soul) is a person’s mind, will and emotions. Since a person’s emotions are stored in the brain then the brain is definitely changed when trauma occurs. Through trauma a person usually never thinks the same way again without help.

The reason an adopted child becomes RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) is because of trauma. When a child discovers the birth mom went missing – the trauma of this realization causes them to refuse to bond to anyone or let anyone bond to them. This changes their brain’s thought processes because now they will view every relationship through the refusal to bond. Their fear is of someone else leaving them too.

They have two parts of their heart in constant conflict. One part pushes everyone away and another part is craving love and relationship. This causes a divided thought process and negative chemicals are produced by the brain. When the brain produces negative chemicals it changes the brain negatively.

These thoughts are what I call fear based thoughts. In RAD adopted children, it is the fear of being hurt again (like when their birth mother gave them away). This holds them in their sickness. Their negative thoughts over time continue to affect their brains in very unhealthy ways.

The opposite of fear based thoughts are what I call faith based thoughts. When we have positive thoughts that are truth based, the brain produces good chemicals and promotes a healthy brain. Healthy brains produce healthy lives.

 

Healing of Lies and Distorted Glasses:

        Healing is a process with anyone but especially with RAD adopted children. The healing that works is exchanging the lies for the truth and getting the correct life lenses to see through. This happens with the help of the Trinity. They know the truth and have the wisdom to give us 20 20 vision on all life experiences. If you want my help in this healing process I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com

 

Conclusion:

        I would love to talk further on this subject if someone would please leave a comment. The brain is a fascinating organ and healthy thoughts are what we want to promote in our adopted children. If they are RAD they need a great amount of help in this area.

I’ll be here again next week with another topic. Please come and join us. Until then…

Adoption Support Group Fun:

Support Group Fun:

 

Intro:

        Hi all! I’m Laurie and am here again today to talk about foster and adoptive subjects. I want foster and adoptive parents to be informed about many issues. That is why I write this blog. Please check out some of my previous posts.

My last post was about Life Coaching a healed DID person. This means their heart is back together again (integrated) and they need to learn to live this way. It takes practical steps of change to make a successful shift into a whole heart lifestyle. Please check this post out.

Today I am going to talk about adoption support group fun for the ladies and men. I don’t like the “same old” style of doing things. So we intentionally mix it up with some fun and change of venue.

 

Support Group Fun?

        A while ago I wrote a post about getting the adoptive fathers to the support group meetings. Well, most men don’t come to these meetings. They usually watch the children so their wives can come.

Can a support group meeting fulfill the parent’s emotional needs and still be fun? Yes! Last month I had my evening support group meeting with the women and we went out to eat. Always having the meeting in the same place can be tiring (especially for me). I have to have variety or I get restless. I love to change things up a bit to add life and meaning.

Last month one of the ladies in my support group was going through some very rough things. She needed to talk so we found a restaurant that had a quiet corner and enjoyed food, conversation, laughter and new surroundings. We had a good time, and it met her need to unload some very hurtful things that were happening with her adopted child.

 

Mixing It Up… Here are some examples of what we do or will do to bring variety:

  1. I am thinking I might have an overnight retreat some time where we go somewhere for a night. We’ll have to depend on the husband’s availability to watch the kids but that is good for them too. Then off we will go.
  2. I am planning another dinner at my house next month to specifically invite the husbands again. My husband said he would lead a discussion with the fathers about the husband’s role in adoption situations. I am so proud of my husband!! He is really stepping up to the plate to challenge the men.
  3. I like to plan fun events around the holidays. Last year we had a white elephant gift exchange during our morning support group. It was fun to see who ended up with which gift in the end.

 

Be the Person Who Plans the Fun:

I’m sure if you think about it you can come up with some fun event to implement into your support group if you have one. If you don’t – find one and be the person planning the fun events. The rest of the group would probably appreciate your input and would like some variety and fun.

 

Conclusion:

        This is one of my shorter posts but it will make up for the longer ones I have posted. Hope you are having a great week! I’ll be here again next week. Until next time…