Adoptive Mother’s – Simplify



Hello everyone. I’m here with another perspective about adoptive mothers and the expectations we put on this role as it pertains to an adoptive or RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) child. I have many posts in this blog which are on this subject. Please take some time to read some.

My last three posts were about discovering the personality of our adopted RAD child. I gave traits and blind spots of seven personality possibilities which your child may have. Your child could have a combination of a couple of the personality traits. Please check my last three posts to find out your child’s personality.

Today I am going to talk about what adoptive mother’s need to do to simplify. It is a bitter sweet topic. Please read further to understand what I mean.

Three Simplifications I want to talk about today:

  1. Simplifying your schedule
  2. Simplify your expectations
  3. Simplifying your expectations of society


Simplifying your schedule:

        Every time summer rolls around I try to write a post on your child’s summer schedule. These RAD adopted/foster children need to expend their energy on something other than harassing and punishing the adopted mother. Let them expend their energy on a sport, art media, or job (if they are old enough), etc.

Adoptive mothers, on the other hand, need a regular break from the adopted children in order to revitalize and rest. The schedule for the adopted children can be divided up between the adopted fathers and mothers. This will simplify the adopted mother’s schedule so she can get some rest and have a break from the adopted child’s abuse.


Simplify Your Expectations:

        Adoptive mothers, please listen to what I’m going to say. It will save your heart much grief and heart ache… Many times an adopted RAD child can’t accept your love or give you love. They are angry their birth mom gave them away and are very hurt about it all. Because of this, they refuse to let anyone close and they won’t get close to anyone. It is the adopted mother who gets all the adopted child’s revenge against the birth mother because the adoptive mother is the closest thing to being their birth mother.

Sadly, it is hard to give up any hope our children will love us but if your child has RAD – I encourage you to give up this expectation. Even if you love harder and longer and are a saint in the patience department – they will not budge and it is not your fault. It will allow your heart to heal or save your heart much heart break if you can see your child as unable to love properly or at all.


Simplify expectations of Society:

Society will not understand parenting a RAD adopted child. They feel the typical parenting style works with all children. So, let go of the belief that society will understand in any dimension.

This is a topic which takes constant forgiveness from you towards society. They have never walked in our shoes and until they do – very few if any understand. Fighting this battle is fruitless. Forgiveness is a must if you don’t want to be bitter.

You’ll find the same goes for some family members. To them parenting is the right way for all children and arguing with them is fruitless. Instead, find friends who can lend a listening ear and a sensitive heart and share with them. Many times these friends can be found in adoptive support groups. An adoptive support group is a good place to be understood, vent your feelings and find comradery.



        Hope this was helpful. It is always good to reconnect in the area of simplicity. Have a good week. Until next week…



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Men and Adoption Support Groups | Abba Father's Love

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