Being Adoptive Parents to Reactive Attachment Disorder RAD) Children – Not Martyrs

Being Adoptive Parents – Not Martyrs:



Hi, I’m Laurie. I write this blog with a huge heart to help adoptive and foster families navigate through adoption issues. I know it is a difficult road at times and I have written helpful posts on many adoption subjects. Please have a look.

My last post was on the topics of emotional trauma and PTSD. Adoptive parents can develop PTSD as a result of their RAD child’s abusiveness. Please take a moment to read this post. If you or someone you know are dealing with PTSD – my last post will be helpful.

Maybe you don’t know what you are dealing with concerning your adopted child. Then my posts will be beneficial in the process of discovering what can happen in an adoptive family. Maybe you’ll find your answer.

Today I am going to talk about the subject of being a martyr vs. a parent. Read further to find out what I mean. Let’s build some boundaries of parenting.


Martyr definitions: (definition taken from my phone dictionary app.)

Martyr =

1)  One who makes a great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.

2)  One who endures great suffering

Parent =

1)  A person who adopts a child

2)  A guardian; a protector

3)  To act as a parent to; raise and nurture


We are Adoptive parents not Martyrs:

         I write this post in response to last week’s post. We as parents are not to accept behaviors from our RAD adopted children that cause us to live in PTSD or martyrdom. The disorder of RAD is our adopted child’s disorder and we did not cause them to be RAD. It is not our parental requirement to accept their blame, RAD symptoms or manipulative tactics. These issues are theirs only.

Parents, we are to be the very best parent to our adopted RAD children but there is a distinct difference between being a parent and being a martyr. Parenting is for preparing our children to go out into the world to be productive citizens to society. Being a martyr is so much more than parenting requires. RAD children demand sacrifices from parents that keep them fixated on themselves and this is never a good scenario.

It develops children who are narcissistic and demand chronic martyrdom from their parents. We do sacrificially give in some areas having to do with our time, talents and finances but I think we can all understand the difference of parenting and the martyrdom our narcissistic RAD children demand.

Being a martyr parent who sacrifices and suffers causes our adopted RAD children’s narcissism to strengthen into a disorder. The last thing our RAD child needs is another disorder. Our children need to learn and mature into taking responsibility for their own actions and life.

As our children grow, THEY need to put more effort into what they want than we do. They need to invest their time, talent and finances into their own future which is a sign of true maturity. This develops the ability to handle life and go after their own destiny with graditude.

I have seen too many parents revert to martyrdom (enduring great suffering and sacrificing) only to produce narcissism and selfishness in their adopted children. Above is the definition of being a parent. We are to raise, nurture, protect and guard our children. We are to give them all the love we have and bring them into maturity. We are not to suffer and sacrifice greatly to the point of martyrdom.



If you want help with this subject could you please leave a comment in the comment box. I would love to help. I am glad to answer any question you have if I have the answer. Thanks!

If you would like some deeper help, I can be reached at Please leave a message and I will get back to you. Have a great week and I will have another post next week. Until then…

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Finding Healing for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) | Abba Father's Love
  2. Trackback: Treat Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Before Crisis Hits: | Abba Father's Love

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