Adopted and Foster Children and Possible defenders:

Possible Defenders:



I am Laurie and I love helping families who have children with behavioral, adoption, foster issues. It is my delight to help them see there are answers for their situations. Please check out some of my posts and you will see.

My last post was an encouragement to mothers about taking their place in the home. Many times foster, adopted children and children with difficult behaviors want to dismiss mothers as their parental authority. The problem is – they don’t get to dismiss. Please take a moment and read my last post.

Today I am going to talk some more about adopted children and the defenders they develop to feel safe. It is connected to trauma resulting in DID. I have written on DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) in other posts if you want to read them.



         People with DID use dissociation as a defense mechanism, pathologically and involuntarily. I just went to two conference about how people become DID when satanic rituals are performed on them.

When a person experiences such a trauma – their heart breaks and the parts are literally smaller parts of their personality. Each part then takes turns coming forward as the presenting part to deal with the situation at hand.



         There are parts who I call defenders. The defenders are the stronger parts (pieces) of the heart (soul) who deem themselves the protector and sometimes the controller of all the other parts. Sometimes a person can have more than one defender with several smaller parts. Usually if a person has more than one defender – it is because the trauma has been so great.

Integration is when the parts agree to be put back together again. It has been my experience when integration happens – the defender is one of the last of the parts to agree to integrate. The defenders are usually stubborn and afraid to integrate because trauma may happen again and they need to be available to protect and control. Considering all the trauma and pain – I can understand the defender’s thoughts. But true healing happens when the heart is whole again.

Full integration can’t happen if the person is in the midst of abuse and are not safe. To integrate at this point would be useless because they would just shatter (their heart would break) again. The person would need to be in a different and safe environment to achieve integration.

We also need to consider the fact the person has probably lived in this state of brokenness for a long while and doesn’t know how to live any other way. The parts have been their friends and they feel lonely when they are gone. These parts talk to each other just like you and I do with our friends.



I write to the adoptive and foster families because information is key to helping the children under our care. We have no idea how emotional or physical trauma has affected our children because we haven’t gone through trauma to the point of our hearts shattering. If you have I am sorry life has been so traumatizing. If this has happened to our children – they need some help.




If your child needs help in this area you can google DID to educate yourself. If you want my help I can be reached at I would love to help in any way I can. We can discuss it and make a plan.

I will be here again next week with another post. Please come again and join in the conversation. Until then…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: What Does the Mercy Season Have To Do With Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? | Abba Father's Love

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