Adoptive Mothers – Take Your Place:

Take Your Place in Your Home

Intro:

         Hello there. I’m Laurie the creator of this blog. It is my pleasure to write posts to encourage parents of children who have behavioral, foster and adoption issues.

My last post was about support groups and the effect they can have on you and your family. Please take a moment to check it out. It may apply to something you are currently going through.

Today I am going to talk about adoptive mothers and your position in your home. Your adopted or foster RAD child may want you out of the house or divorced from your husband. But, you are the stabilizing portion of the household. Don’t let your adopted RAD child redefine who you are or the role you’re to play in your home and in their lives.

 

Mothers – What are You Entitled To?

  1. You are the mother whether your child acknowledges it or not.
  2. Your position is beside your husband as his wife and no child gets to decide otherwise.
  3. You are your child’s mother even if they want to be with their birth mother.
  4. Your adoption papers nullify the birth parent’s rights to influence your child in any way (unless their participation creates a good situation).
  5. Your child is in your home and get the rights and privileges you say they can have, not the other way around.
  6. You’re entitled to respect from your children.
  7. You are your husband’s partner and you decide together what will happen with your children. Your children don’t decide for you.
  8. You have the right for your husband to protect you from the disrespectful behavior of your children.
  9. Your children need to do as you ask them to do around the house because they are part of the family and need to invest in the chores, etc.

 

What is Your Place?

         Mom’s, I don’t know what is happening in your home, but if your foster or adopted child has RAD I suspect you are being treated as small and the object of their abused. They have a way of dismissing the mother’s position in the home. Some have a plan to get the parents divorced or the mother out of the house or even killed.

Narcissism is part of your child’s RAD and they have an attitude of entitlement along with control issues. They don’t care if they emotionally destroy anyone – least of all the adoptive mother. Mothers, narcissism and RAD doesn’t get to destroy you.

So, your place is the mother position and role. You and your husband are in charge of leading the children in your home. Mother’s stop feeling like you need to change your position or role in order to get your child to like or love you. Believe me they won’t respect a person who is altering themselves to get an “in” with them. Many times they will not love anyone but themselves and no one has an “in” with them. The “in” is gone because they won’t allow any bonding to them or them to you.

 

Does Your Husband Support You and Believe What You Say?

         This can be a problem because RAD children are so charming and can wrap the adoptive father around their finger. This is called triangulation. RAD adopted children have a plan to get in between the parents in order to cause division. Then they manipulate the adoptive father into not believing anything the adoptive mother says.

I have written on this particular topic before so please look back to some of my other posts. Triangulating is a common problem with RAD children and can cause the parents to divorce. It is important (mothers) to get some help if this is happening because RAD children won’t stop the triangulating till the divorce to your spouse is accomplished.

 

What To Do at This Point?

         If your husband doesn’t believe you and won’t listen to you – then start praying. Turn your husband over to the very capable hands of Father God to deal with him. God will wake your husband up so he can see your children need help. God will set up a situation where your husband can’t argue against what you are saying is happening.

 

Conclusion:

         I hope this was helpful. I hope you have a wonderful week. I’ll be here again next week. Till then…

        

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Adopted and Foster Children and Possible defenders: | Abba Father's Love

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