Why Me and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)?

Why Me?



         I am Laurie and the creator of this blog. I’m glad you are reading this post and I encourage you to read some of my other posts. They will be a help if you have a child with behavioral, foster or adoption issues.

My last post was on the subject of delusions of grandeur. I shared on our two daughters and their delusions and fantasy life. Please check it out.

Today I am going to talk on a subject that is near and dear to every foster or adoptive parent who’s child is RAD. I hope you will be encouraged. At least that was my intention as I wrote this post.


The Why Me Factor:

         RAD is a very difficult disorder. It is a 24/7 life of RAD symptoms which are right in a parent’s face and can drain parental energy quickly. Right now you’re probably shaking your head yes.

So, it is probably not surprising if I were to say you have had thoughts like “Why was I chosen to deal with a child that has RAD and literally hates me?” Every parent I have talked to who is a parent of a RAD child has said and thought the same thing. Plus, when their symptoms are chronic and you are tired – it is easy to question why you are in this situation.


Be Real:

         If there is a parent out there who has a RAD adopted child and hasn’t said the why me – have you thought it? I wouldn’t admit it for a long time until I was weary of the RAD symptoms. Reality was right in my face.

I would encourage you to find someone who can listen when you get to those places of needing to dump your feelings. There are not very many people out there who are good at listening but there are some listeners who also don’t judge. Unload your cares and worries to them and they won’t need to fix you.


Reality of Life:

There was a time when I couldn’t bear the thought of my child not bonding to anyone. I would grieve over the idea of them not experiencing love or giving love because of their inability to bond. But the older I get and the longer I have experienced RAD – I realize they will survive.

Their life won’t be as rich as if they could bond but they will live and survive. They will get up every morning and make it through the day (over and over). They may lose many friends but they do make new friends. Their friendships are shallow and brief but they are existing and can function to a certain level.


My point is:

What I want for them is only wearing me out. Life should wear them out because maybe then they will choose to do something about it. When life doesn’t go their way it is because they are being stubbornly narcissistic. Life should wear them out whenever narcissism is in play.




         Counselors say the earlier the RAD intervention the better. If your child is older (teen on) it takes intensive intervention and the Lord’s power to heal them. But, if they don’t accept help and healing they still are capable of surviving. Maybe a very shallow life but it is still life.

I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com I would love to be of help to you. We are seeing healing in some areas of RAD. It is wonderful to see the changes and healing.

Please leave a comment in the comment section of this post. I would love to hear from you. Until next time…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Support Groups and the Power of Prayer: | Abba Father's Love

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