Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Support Groups and the Power of Prayer:

Reactive Attachment Disorder , Support

Groups and the Power of Prayer:

 

Intro:

I am Laurie and the creator of this blog. My heart’s desire is to encourage the parents of children who have behavioral, foster and adoption issues. Please read some of my posts. They have information that will be of use to you.

My last post was revelation on why we get to parent RAD children. Sometimes it is hard to understand why we were chosen to steward such a difficult disorder. My post is encouraging so please take a moment to check it out.

Today I am going to share on some very good things which have come out of the support groups I have been leading. It is all good information. By the way – if you’re not part of a support group I encourage you to find one.

 

Support Groups:

I wrote on support groups a while ago. I also gave information on how to start one in your area. If there isn’t one in your area maybe it is because you are the one to start and lead one.

In my support groups we have created an atmosphere conducive to transparency about what is happening in our lives. This has set us up for success in several ways. We are free to dump our feelings. We accept prayer because we are desperate for answers. We believe we don’t carry the power to cause things to change but know God does. (Only God reserves that right.)

Our support groups also provide reprieve from the loneliness of a society who does not understanding RAD. We believe normal parenting skills don’t work on RAD children and we share what does works. We laugh at the ridiculous tactics of our RAD children. Then we all go home very much lighter and more informed than we came.

 

Then there is Prayer:

We are discovering the power of prayer when it comes to parenting RAD children. Here are some of the answers to prayer we have experienced so far:

  1. Husbands (adoptive fathers) are learning to protect their wives
  2. Husbands (adoptive fathers) are learning to take their place as head of the home
  3. Husbands (adoptive fathers) are requiring their RAD children to respect and apologize to their adoptive mothers for their abusive behaviors
  4. There have been healing in the adopted RAD children’s hearts
  5. Some adopted RAD children are breaking their vows of not bonding or letting anyone bond to them
  6. One RAD daughter is coming out of her narcissism
  7. We are becoming prayer warriors on behalf of our families
  8. One RAD child has allowed God to heal her broken heart
  9. Some of our children are learning to trust
  10. The parents are healing and learning to trust God

 

Power of Prayer:

         I write about all of the above to show the power of prayer. Scripture says where two of three are gathered in God’s name – God is in the midst of them. So, God has been in the midst of us and we are having a great time sharing, praying, being friends, and have each other’s back.

So, please find and join a support group. The benefits outweigh the trouble of getting a sitter and pre-making supper, etc. Knowing you have friends who are going through the same things and aren’t judging you is worth it.

 

Conclusion:

         Well, that is all for now. I hope this post was helpful and encouraging. Hope you have a great week. I will be back here next week with another post. Have a blessed week! Until next time…

Why Me and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)?

Why Me?

 

Info:

         I am Laurie and the creator of this blog. I’m glad you are reading this post and I encourage you to read some of my other posts. They will be a help if you have a child with behavioral, foster or adoption issues.

My last post was on the subject of delusions of grandeur. I shared on our two daughters and their delusions and fantasy life. Please check it out.

Today I am going to talk on a subject that is near and dear to every foster or adoptive parent who’s child is RAD. I hope you will be encouraged. At least that was my intention as I wrote this post.

 

The Why Me Factor:

         RAD is a very difficult disorder. It is a 24/7 life of RAD symptoms which are right in a parent’s face and can drain parental energy quickly. Right now you’re probably shaking your head yes.

So, it is probably not surprising if I were to say you have had thoughts like “Why was I chosen to deal with a child that has RAD and literally hates me?” Every parent I have talked to who is a parent of a RAD child has said and thought the same thing. Plus, when their symptoms are chronic and you are tired – it is easy to question why you are in this situation.

 

Be Real:

         If there is a parent out there who has a RAD adopted child and hasn’t said the why me – have you thought it? I wouldn’t admit it for a long time until I was weary of the RAD symptoms. Reality was right in my face.

I would encourage you to find someone who can listen when you get to those places of needing to dump your feelings. There are not very many people out there who are good at listening but there are some listeners who also don’t judge. Unload your cares and worries to them and they won’t need to fix you.

 

Reality of Life:

There was a time when I couldn’t bear the thought of my child not bonding to anyone. I would grieve over the idea of them not experiencing love or giving love because of their inability to bond. But the older I get and the longer I have experienced RAD – I realize they will survive.

Their life won’t be as rich as if they could bond but they will live and survive. They will get up every morning and make it through the day (over and over). They may lose many friends but they do make new friends. Their friendships are shallow and brief but they are existing and can function to a certain level.

 

My point is:

What I want for them is only wearing me out. Life should wear them out because maybe then they will choose to do something about it. When life doesn’t go their way it is because they are being stubbornly narcissistic. Life should wear them out whenever narcissism is in play.

 

 

Conclusion:

         Counselors say the earlier the RAD intervention the better. If your child is older (teen on) it takes intensive intervention and the Lord’s power to heal them. But, if they don’t accept help and healing they still are capable of surviving. Maybe a very shallow life but it is still life.

I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com I would love to be of help to you. We are seeing healing in some areas of RAD. It is wonderful to see the changes and healing.

Please leave a comment in the comment section of this post. I would love to hear from you. Until next time…

Delusions of Grandeur and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – What?

Delusions of Grandeur:

 

Intro:

Hi everyone – I am glad you are reading my post! For those who have just joined us – I am Laurie and I created this post for the parents of children with behavioral, foster and adoption issues. I’m sure you will find the information in my posts helpful. Please take a moment to read some.

My last post was about how God plays a role in our healing. It relates to the three posts right before my last post. Please take a little time to check them out. I included a chart for your information.

Today I am going to talk about delusions of grandeur and how this issue can have a connection in the more severe cases of RAD. Please find the definition of delusions of grandeur below. I hope you will gain some insight into your RAD child.

 

Definition of Delusions of Grandeur: (taken from The Free Dictionary app.)

Delusions of Grandeur – a delusion (common in paranoia) that you are much greater and more powerful and influential than you really are.

 

How Can This Apply to RAD?

         As the definition above states – it is common in paranoia. I am a Life Coach and not a psychologist so what I have to say is my own opinion. But, RAD children spend a great deal of time in a fantasy world which they sometimes believe more than reality.

My second adopted daughter (who has a low IQ) believes to this day she will get into the police force and then graduate to FBI agent. Also, as a child (she is an adult now) she was sure her birth mom and eighteen brothers and sisters (she only has one sister) wanted her home in her native country. Then she decided to kill me or get me out of the house so her birth mom could come here to marry my husband. If that didn’t work she was going to kill me so she could marry my husband.

Along with the above fantasies – she was sure everyone adored her and she was on her way to being a rock star. At school – all the kids didn’t like her. She was deemed the bully of the classroom.

My first adopted daughter wanted my husband to herself so she tried to get my husband and I divorced. She acted so sweet and kind to me in public and when my husband was around. But, as soon as my husband left our house or was out of town – all hell broke loose. She would lie and played weak and helpless when I told him the truth. One day my husband happened to walk in of one of her rages and that was the end of her delusion. Therapy came next and all her plans of causing us to divorce came to an abrupt end.

 

My Point:

         These RAD adopted or foster children many times have delusions of grandeur and put all their efforts into making them come true. Both my girls did not think rationally. They both thought we stole them from their country. They had no proof except what they thought their delusions told them. We had the adoption decree proof but they were sure their delusions were correct and we were lying.

 

How We Handled Their Delusions:

         It is like talking to deaf ears with RAD children. My husband and I worked with our daughters on many issues – to no avail. So, we decided we were going to let life tell them the truth.

Our second adopted daughter is still in her delusion of being a FBI agent. It won’t happened and we feel life will have to teach her the truth. Telling her differently just makes her angry and then she punishes us. We will just wait till the truth dawns on her and be there for her when reality kicks in.

Life taught our first adopted daughter a life lesson a while ago when her delusion of living alone with her adoptive father (my husband) and causing us to divorce didn’t happen. She of course was in a rage and had to deal with reality. Her delusion and the attached punishment didn’t work.

 

Conclusion:

I am not saying this is the way you should handle your children with delusions. It is just what worked for us. We just let life teach the lesson and it brought our first adopted daughter to the truth. We are still waiting for the truth to dawn on our second adopted daughter.

Many times life lessons can be a friend to a person who lives in delusions of grandeur. The exception is if their delusion puts them in danger. Then of course intervention is crucial.

Hope this was helpful. I’ll be here again next week with another post. Talk with you then…

What Does the Trinity Have to do With Healing Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

What Does the Trinity Have to Do With Healing

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

 

Intro:

         I’m Laurie and the creator of this blog. It is my desire to help parents out there in the midst of behavior, foster and adoption issues with your children. Please take a moment to read some of my posts.

My last three posts were on healing RAD and DID. The root causes of these two disorders are fear, terror, vows and who sits on the throne of their heart, etc. Please check out what I said.

Today I am going to revisit a topic of some previous posts I wrote at the conception of this blog. It has to do with the Trinity Window chart below. Please have a look.

 

What Does The Trinity Provide to Meet our Needs?

 

Trinity Window:

 

                                   Our Soul Needs

Relationship                                                           Trinity

Father —————— Care (provision) ————– Father God

Condition (protection)

Character (identity)

Siblings/friends ——–Companionship ————— Jesus

Communication

Mother —————– Comfort ———————– Holy Spirit

Coach (teach)

Cultivate (nurture)

 

On the left side of the chart above is our family and friends and the relationship we have with them. If our earthly father didn’t provide, protect or speak positive identity to us – we get wounded in our soul. It is the connection to the Trinity person on the right side of the Trinity chart that heals our soul having to do with the person on the left side of the chart.

On the right side of the chart above it shows Father God meets the soul needs having to do with provision, protection and speaking identity to us. Jesus meets the needs of our soul for companionship and communication. Holy Spirit meets the needs of our soul which is comfort, teaching and nurturing. If we receive continual healing from the Trinity for all the wounds the person on the left side of the chart caused us – we can achieve full healing.

 

Adopted RAD Children:

When we think of an infant orphan, the two people on the chart above who play the biggest roles initially are the mother and farther. The mother is the very first person the orphan misses because of being physically connected to her in the womb for nine months. Yet it is the father who typically provides, protects and (if he has had a good father figure in his life) speaks identity to his child.

 

Father and Father God Focus:

Please look at the father and Father God section of the chart above. When wounding happens from the father – the child doesn’t feel safe. The biological father in an adoption situation doesn’t provide or protect the child. This sends a very strong negative message and wounding to the child. What the father provides according to the chart above is all about creating a place for the child to be free to grow and become who God created them to be in SAFETY.

Father God created adoption and we are adopted into His family. He has no problem accomplishing all His functions (and more) from the chart above. He can heal all the fear and terror created by the unstable beginnings created by the birth parents. If the biological father failed to come through for the orphan – Father God can step in to heal the breech.

 

Mother and Holy Spirit Thoughts:

An infant also needs what the mother and Holy Spirit provide which is comfort, teaching, and nurturing. The provision of these soul needs are necessary. But at the very first moment the birth parents give the baby up – the baby knows. Then fear and terror set in.

 

Then What?

Fear and terror are directly connected to the lack of protection and provision causing the child to doubt their safety. RAD is the result of these tiny beings (even at a day old) feeling unsafe and vowing to not attach to anyone or let anyone attach to them. There is great wounding to their soul.

It is the Trinity who heals the wounds and vows an orphan experiences so RAD isn’t necessary anymore. Father God plays His very large role of safety. Holy Spirit heals with comfort, nurturing and teaching. Jesus heals an orphan with companionship and communication.

 

Conclusion:

         If your child isn’t attaching to you or won’t allow you to attach to them – please get them some help. Find someone who know how to treat RAD. Not all counselors, therapists or psychologists do. Don’t waste money on those who don’t.

If you want my help you can reach me at Laurie@getrealliving.com Contact me and we can set up an appointment. I would love to help.

Please leave a comment in the comment section of this post. I would love to hear from you. I will be back again next week with another post. Until then…