Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Burden Bearing:

Burden Bearing:


Hi everyone! I am Laurie and I started this blog to talk about behavior, foster and adoptive topics. Most of my posts are on these subjects. Please check them out.

My last post was about how our adopted or foster children think. Many times their thinking is off because they misinterpret people and situations. They are full of lies they believe about themselves and others. Take a moment to read my last post.

Today I will revisit a topic I talked about quite a while ago. The topic is burden bearing. I have discovered more things on this subject that I would like to share with you. I will share a brief synopsis of the first post and add a new discovery I found along the way.


Burden Bearing:

         There are some people who are very sensitive and can sense what others are feeling. Usually these people are very tender hearted. They carry the other person’s feelings around inside themselves like it’s their feelings. This is called burden bearing. They pick up another person’s burden (feelings) as their own.

Scripture tell us to carry one another’s burdens. This is true. But there comes a time when we are not to carry them anymore. We are to give it to the Lord because scripture ALSO says to cast your burdens on the Lord.

A person who is a burden bearer doesn’t know how to do this. They become weighted down because the burden is so heavy and wearisome. They try to be the other person’s Savior. Jesus is the only savior and doesn’t need anyone else to help. He suffered and died to cover it all.

When we try to save anyone (from their feelings, burdens or anything God is supposed to carry) we are in the wrong role. God does call burden bearers to pray. That part is right. But if we go past the allotted intersession time we are stepping into territory that isn’t ours. It is trespassing. At this point God takes over and if we don’t move out of the way – we are in God’s way. That doesn’t usually go over very well with God.


What I Have Discovered Since I Wrote On Burden Bearing:

         I have discovered there is another imbalance at the opposite end of burden bearing. I have just walked through a situation where I was able to get out of God’s way so He can pick the burden up and minister to a person. But, I made sure I wasn’t in the way so much I took myself out of my own place and destiny. I basically deleted myself out of the picture. Then I wasn’t able to fulfill what I was called to do with my life.

There is a balance to this burden bearing that has to do with our own destinies. We don’t have to adjust ourselves to make someone else happy. We don’t have the capability of making anyone happy. A person’s happiness comes from within a person and it has nothing to do with anyone else. We are to be separate from another person with our own feelings and purpose in life.

I knew this person was struggling with being competitive, comparing and jealous of others and I always shrink back when someone has these feelings towards me. I basically took myself out of the positions God had called me to and was feeling the negative effects of it. When I realized what I had done I repented and stepped back into the roles that belonged to me.


Two End’s:

So, there are two ends to this burden bearing:

  1. When God says we are done carrying someone’s burden – then we are to give it to Him and get out of the way.
  2. When we get out of the way as it pertains to another person but shrink away from our role and destiny. We are to be in our destiny even if another person likes it or not. Their jealousy, comparing and competitiveness is God’s problem – not yours. You are called to do everything God has planned for you to do so do it with all your might.


How Does This Apply to Our RAD adopted Children?

         We can’t get in God’s way when He has a life lesson He wants to teach our children. It is better they learn what they need to know to be successful before they leave your home. Your home is a much softer place to land compared to the world.

You can’t step aside from your own destiny! When your children are out of the house your life will go on and you have more to do beyond parenting. Your identity can’t just be about your children. If “they” are your identity – there will be unfulfilling gaps in your life between children and grandchildren.



         I am a life coach so if you need my help please contact me at  Otherwise, I will be back here again next week with another post. Until then…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Fear, Terror, DID and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Part One: | Abba Father's Love

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