Fear, Terror, DID, and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Part Three:

Part Three:

 

Intro:

         Hi there. The posts for this blog are for parents of children with behavioral, foster, and adoption issues. I have traveled down a very long road and this blog is my expression of what I have learned along the way.

My last two posts are the first two posts of this three part series.  Please take a moment to read them because they will exponentially help you understand this post. We are having some success with the children we are life coaching who have the disorders in the title above.

Today I am going to talk about the root problems concerning RAD and DID as they pertain to foster and adoption issues. What I have to say about the issues in the title above may apply to other disorders too. I just know we are having some results with the foster and adopted children I have been life coaching.

 

Living Shattered:

         If I were to boil RAD and DID down to the beginning – fear, terror and vows started it all. I now believe there is more. I feel these children believe they have taken God off His throne in heaven (God doesn’t get off His throne for anybody) and “in their minds” have taken His place. (Narcissism) This refers to a post I wrote a while ago about the orphan psalm (Psalm 10) in the bible. They also won’t allow Jesus to have the throne in their hearts. They are narcissistically “in their minds” sitting on both thrones.

With DID – the defender many times chooses not to expose themselves. But as soon as the defender senses there is a threat – they take over to defend the other shattered parts. With RAD and DID – fear and terror caused them to shatter and make vows because it was the only way they knew how to deal with life at the time… But God is their answer.

 

Living Whole:

         Father God doesn’t want anyone to be fearful or in terror. In Psalm 10 God says He is the orphan’s defender. So, if an orphan has taken “his” place on God’s throne and have created their own defender – then God is not allowed (by the orphan) to be and do what He does best. The results: the orphan stays in a shattered and lonely RAD state.

Healing happens when the orphan can allow God to defend, heal, protect, provide and impart His identity into them much like God did with several people in the Bible. This is what the Bible calls reconciliation. If the orphan relinquishes both thrones and accepts God’s defense, then God can release them from their vows and put their shattered hearts back together. The orphan is then able to receive love and give love back. This is the true healing of RAD and DID.

 

Getting Help:

         If you would like help with what I have written on please contact me at Laurie@getrealliving.com  We can set up an appointment. God wants to heal your child and your family. I would love to assist in this healing process.

 

Conclusion:

         Well that is all for today. This is the third and last post on this subject. There will be a new subject for you to read about in next weeks post.

Please leave a comment in the comment section. Have a blessed week. Until next time…

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Fear, Terror, DID, and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Part Two:

Part Two:

 

Intro:

Hello everyone. I have created this blog to encourage all the parents out there who have children with behavioral, foster and adoption issues. If you would scroll through my list of posts you will see most of them are on these topics. Please take a moment to read some.

My last post was part one of this three part series of posts. I talked about fear, terror, DID and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It would be to your benefit to read my last post before continuing with this one because it has information which will help in understanding this post.

Today I am going to give some more information about how shattering happens. A while ago I wrote a post on trauma which goes along with this series of posts. You may want to take a look at that post also.

 

When DID (Shattering) Happens to an Orphan?

         I have shared several times about the vow(s) which an orphan makes when they discover their birth mother has given them away. The orphan at this point is left in fear and terror because the only person they know (their birth mother) is gone.

It is fear and terror that shatters a heart and causes DID. So, when an orphan suddenly loses the person who is supposed to nurture, comfort and teach them – they wonder who is going to take care of and love them. Terror does it’s cruel work and their heart shatters. The strongest shattered piece (which I call the defender) takes it’s place as the protector of all the shattered pieces.

 

Spirit, Soul and Body:

         Every person has three sections to their being called spirit, soul and body. When we talk about the shattered heart I am referring to the soul. The soul is the mind, will and emotions.

When I say shattered heart I am really saying a person’s soul is broken into pieces. I feel many RAD adopted children are DID. Their hearts have been shattered because of the trauma experiences they have lived through and didn’t know how to handle. The only solution they knew of in order to survive the trauma was shattering. Then their defender part decided to protect all the other shattered parts because no one else was there to protect them. This is tragic.

I’m sure you understand that the body is just the body. But the spirit is the part that connects to the Trinity very readily. It is awake all the time even when our body and soul are asleep at night. It is the portion of our three part being that is spiritual and communes with the Trinity. It is also the part of our being which is to be in charge but in submission and led by the Holy Spirit.

 

Before Our Spirit Is In Charge:

         We live in a society where our souls are developed before our spirit is developed. Our spirit can be developed first but most people don’t know how this is accomplished. (This idea will be a topic of a future post) For this post we need to understand the soul is in charge when we are born.

         Let’s try to imagine being an infant and our birth mom gave us away and disappeared. The rejection, abandonment, and loss would be great. At this time our spirit wouldn’t know what to do because it is not in charge or trained to be in the lead under the leadership of Holy Spirit.

An infant isn’t able to ask questions to find out how to locate their mother. It is at this point of confusion and probably terror that our adopted children not only decided to be RAD but possibly were shattered (DID).

The defender then decides to be in charge. Then the defender makes their own rules and defends with all their might. This leaves the orphan in a constant place of shattering. They live life alone because of the RAD vows they enforce and the defender who is in charge.

 

Conclusion:

         Please come back next week to read the third and final post of this series of posts. I would love hear your comments. Please leave it in the comment section of this post. Have a great week. Until next time…

        

Fear, Terror, DID and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Part One:

Fear, Terror, DID and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD):

 

Intro:

I am the creator of this blog. I mainly write about behavior, foster and adoption issues but there are many spiritual topics I talk about too. Please take a moment to look through the post list to see if there is something you would want to read.

My last post was about burden bearing. I talked about how some people carry burdens past the time God requires. I also added another point about burden bearing which I have discovered recently.

Today I am going to share about integrating a broken heart. I know I have talked about this before but I am glad to say we have had some success in this area. Some RAD children have integrated and it is having a positive outcome.

(This is the first post of this three part series)

 

Fear, Terror and DID:

DID = Dissociative Identity Disorder

My definition of DID is when a person’s heart shatters because of fear and terror due to trauma. This creates what I call a part (or shattered piece of their heart) and some parts can be stronger than others. I also call the strongest parts defenders.

Adopted children go through much fear and terror in the process of leaving their birth parents. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is part of an orphans experience with fear, terror and trauma leading to making vows. The trauma sometimes causes DID.

 

Defenders:

         The stronger parts are defenders. The defender is the one who decides they are going to protect all the other shattered parts to keep them safe. These defender parts are always on the lookout for anyone who may be unsafe to be around. It is like they have their radar up all the time – searching every one crossing their path.

I have had the complete honor and pleasure of participating in the healing of the shattered hearts of traumatized children. I find it interesting that the defenders are one of the last part(s) to integrate. They need to watch the other parts heal before they will trust the process as real and good for them. They are suspicious and many times stubborn.

I have written so much in this blog of the vow(s) adopted children make which cause RAD. They won’t bond or allow others to bond to them because of this vow. Their hearts shatter and create parts and defenders. This creates a real mess they can’t get out of by themselves.

 

Victory:

But, when a stubborn, suspicious and strong defender finally gives up and decides to integrate it is a glorious site. Recently, I have had the pleasure of integrating some defenders. I have to say it is a sweet reward to see the healing which happens at this point.

There have been more than adopted people which I have had the pleasure of helping in this way. But, when a RAD adopted child allows their defender to be integrated I am beside of myself with joy!! God does such a perfect job at gaining their trust and they finally see they don’t need to defend themselves because God will be their defender.

 

Getting Help:

         Find someone to help your adopted, RAD and maybe shattered child. It is important to find someone who knows what they are doing and understands RAD and the effects of trauma. These children need so much help.

If you can’t find someone – then maybe I can help. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com  We can set up an appointment.

I will be here again next week with the second part of this three part series. Have a good week. Until then…

 

 

 

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Burden Bearing:

Burden Bearing:

Intro:

Hi everyone! I am Laurie and I started this blog to talk about behavior, foster and adoptive topics. Most of my posts are on these subjects. Please check them out.

My last post was about how our adopted or foster children think. Many times their thinking is off because they misinterpret people and situations. They are full of lies they believe about themselves and others. Take a moment to read my last post.

Today I will revisit a topic I talked about quite a while ago. The topic is burden bearing. I have discovered more things on this subject that I would like to share with you. I will share a brief synopsis of the first post and add a new discovery I found along the way.

 

Burden Bearing:

         There are some people who are very sensitive and can sense what others are feeling. Usually these people are very tender hearted. They carry the other person’s feelings around inside themselves like it’s their feelings. This is called burden bearing. They pick up another person’s burden (feelings) as their own.

Scripture tell us to carry one another’s burdens. This is true. But there comes a time when we are not to carry them anymore. We are to give it to the Lord because scripture ALSO says to cast your burdens on the Lord.

A person who is a burden bearer doesn’t know how to do this. They become weighted down because the burden is so heavy and wearisome. They try to be the other person’s Savior. Jesus is the only savior and doesn’t need anyone else to help. He suffered and died to cover it all.

When we try to save anyone (from their feelings, burdens or anything God is supposed to carry) we are in the wrong role. God does call burden bearers to pray. That part is right. But if we go past the allotted intersession time we are stepping into territory that isn’t ours. It is trespassing. At this point God takes over and if we don’t move out of the way – we are in God’s way. That doesn’t usually go over very well with God.

 

What I Have Discovered Since I Wrote On Burden Bearing:

         I have discovered there is another imbalance at the opposite end of burden bearing. I have just walked through a situation where I was able to get out of God’s way so He can pick the burden up and minister to a person. But, I made sure I wasn’t in the way so much I took myself out of my own place and destiny. I basically deleted myself out of the picture. Then I wasn’t able to fulfill what I was called to do with my life.

There is a balance to this burden bearing that has to do with our own destinies. We don’t have to adjust ourselves to make someone else happy. We don’t have the capability of making anyone happy. A person’s happiness comes from within a person and it has nothing to do with anyone else. We are to be separate from another person with our own feelings and purpose in life.

I knew this person was struggling with being competitive, comparing and jealous of others and I always shrink back when someone has these feelings towards me. I basically took myself out of the positions God had called me to and was feeling the negative effects of it. When I realized what I had done I repented and stepped back into the roles that belonged to me.

 

Two End’s:

So, there are two ends to this burden bearing:

  1. When God says we are done carrying someone’s burden – then we are to give it to Him and get out of the way.
  2. When we get out of the way as it pertains to another person but shrink away from our role and destiny. We are to be in our destiny even if another person likes it or not. Their jealousy, comparing and competitiveness is God’s problem – not yours. You are called to do everything God has planned for you to do so do it with all your might.

 

How Does This Apply to Our RAD adopted Children?

         We can’t get in God’s way when He has a life lesson He wants to teach our children. It is better they learn what they need to know to be successful before they leave your home. Your home is a much softer place to land compared to the world.

You can’t step aside from your own destiny! When your children are out of the house your life will go on and you have more to do beyond parenting. Your identity can’t just be about your children. If “they” are your identity – there will be unfulfilling gaps in your life between children and grandchildren.

 

Conclusion:

         I am a life coach so if you need my help please contact me at Laurie@getrealliving.com  Otherwise, I will be back here again next week with another post. Until then…