Adoptive Mothers Receive Protection – Part Two

Receiving Protection:

Intro:

Hello again. For the new comer to my post I want to explain my heart for this blog. I write to encourage all the foster and adoptive parents with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children who are in the middle of adoption issues. Parents of children with behavioral problems are included in this mix also.

My last post was about the adoptive mother accepting their husband’s protection. That is if the husband truly is the protector in the home. It was the first part of this two part series. Please check it out.

Today I am going to add some more thoughts to my last post about wives accepting their husband’s protection in the home. Maybe your husband hasn’t taken the position of protector. I have some suggestions on this subject. Please read further.

 

What Can Wives Do When the Husband isn’t being the Protector in the Home:

I was in this very scenario. (I have written other posts referring to this subject. Please have a look). For the health of all who are living in your home it is important that the adoptive parents are in their correct roles. Not because of the regular “social arguments about roles” – I’m definitely not going there. Instead, it is because of the vows and lies your child believes about the adoptive mother.

My points about the adopted child:

  1. Your RAD adopted child has vowed to keep everyone at arm’s length because they don’t want to be hurt or rejected like they were by the birth mother.
  2. Your RAD adopted child takes most of their aggression out on the adoptive mother. The adoptive father is usually worshipped by the adopted child.
  3. Your RAD adopt child will manipulate the adoptive father with the intention to take the adoptive mothers place in the home.
  4. The adoptive mother receives most of the abuse from the adopted child because she is the closest person resembling the birth mother. Even though the adopted child would rather be with their birth mom – they are mad at her for giving them up. Their manifestation then is to take it out on the adoptive mother.
  5. The adoptive child usually treats the adoptive mother fine when the adoptive father is around. Then they abuse the adoptive mother when the adoptive father is out of the house or at a distance. It is not till the adoptive father realizes he is being deceived and manipulated by the adopted child that this changes. Suggestion: Pray that your adopted child shows their true colors and God opens your husband’s eyes to what is going on.

 

What the Adoptive Mother Can Do So the Adoptive Father Will Protect You:

  1. My husband didn’t hear me or protect me until I stopped approaching him from all directions to get him to listen. I told God “uncle” because I had ran out of options and approaches of communication.
  2. My husband WAS very stubborn when it came to things I asked of him. He didn’t want to do anything that would interrupt his schedule or time invested in revolving around his stuff or life. (My husband has given me permission to tell our story and progress) His way of dealing with conflict was to ignore it so it would go away. It never did.
  3. I vented to God alone and accepted the position in Psalm 91 which was being in the shadow of the almighty and under His wing.
  4. I asked the Lord to talk to my husband, open his eyes and change his heart towards being a father, protecting me, and getting help for our adopted girls.
  5. The Lord saw my obedience of putting the problem on Him to solve. I was safely in God’s loving protection described in Psalm 91.
  6. God did open my husband’s eyes and ears to my needs and we took the girls to a therapist. At the therapist the girls professed to: manipulating my husband into divorcing me, trying to kill me and mentally and emotionally abusing me when my husband wasn’t around among other things.
  7. My husband took the role of protector in the home – especially my protector. He required our adopted girls to show me the respect I deserved and that was the end of their abuse and manipulations against me.

 

Conclusion:

         Husbands do need to be the protector in the home but they don’t need our help to get there. Plus adopted children purpose to not do anything the adoptive mother wants or says anyway. God will bring your husband around if you will allow God to speak to him on your behalf. Go to God for all your help concerning adoption issues. He is the only one with the power to change hearts and shift the roles in your home. He wants your husband to protect you too!

Please come again next week for another post. If you would leave a comment I would love to converse with you. If you would like a life coaching session I can be reaches at Laurie@getrealliving.com We can set up a time for a session. Until next time…

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