What Do You Mean Forgive the Public for Adoption Behavior Judgement?

I Know My Child Is Behaving Badly!


        Hi there! This is Laurie and I am here to encourage foster and adoptive parents. I created this blog as a venue for adoptive and foster parents to read, comment and glean from other parents in similar situations. Please check out some of my other posts.

In my last post I talked about when our adopted or RAD children leave the nest. It is a hard adjustment. Please check it out for helpful ideas.

Today I am going to talk about the public arena and how an adopted or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child behaves. Many times the public misunderstands adopted children and their parents. This is very challenging.


What Do I Mean by Public Forgiveness?

         If you are regularly reading this blog, you may be searching for some answers for the public arena and your child. So, let’s take a couple steps backwards. I encourage every adoptive parent to google the symptoms of RAD to see if the symptoms fit your child.

Some of the symptoms are:

  • Charming in public
  • Lying about the obvious
  • Steeling
  • Destructive to themselves, others and material things
  • Cruelty to animals
  • Preoccupation with fire
  • Acts hyper
  • Poor peer relationships

This is just a small portion of the full symptom list but for this post it is what I want to focus on. The public does not get the concept that adoption parenting does not fit into any category of regular parenting. It is a category of its own. So therefore, the results of the symptoms above are scrutinized by the mainstream parenting arena because “regular” parenting techniques don’t work with these children.

Just the charming, lying, steeling and being destructive to self, others or things throws other parents into a judgmental frenzy. They are either feeling sorry for or mad at us and our adopted children. The part that is so unfair is we (adoptive parents) get the blame for our RAD children’s behavior. Then the public gives the typical parental solutions and none of them work on a foster, RAD, or adopted child.


Public Forgiveness is the Answer to What?

         Public forgiveness is the answer to the anger and frustration resulting from the public’s judgment. Anger compounded by anger can lead to bitterness. Bitterness is stressful on your body and doctors say stress leads to many health issues. Besides, life is too short to retain these negative feelings.



Forgiveness is not letting anyone off the hook for bad behavior. It is just turning them over to Christ so HE deals with “their stuff.” This “turning over” releases you from them and vice versa. The stress is off you and you can release them from treating you correctly. They don’t realize they need better behavior because in there world they know how everyone is to parent.

Grasp the concept that they will never understand your child and the symptoms which go with adoption and RAD. Then you’re free from the feelings of disappointed when they don’t fulfill your expectations or give you and yours the grace and honor you deserve. Allow God to deal with their behavior. If they don’t change – forgive and move on. You are now free and will avoid bitterness, stress and health problems.



         There are many levels to forgiveness and bitterness. My heart today is to encourage you to stay true to you in this area. Your health and peace of mind are valuable. Much more valuable than anger, bitterness or someone else’s judgmental opinion. Decide to forgive by turning the public over to the Lord to adjust and sometimes convict towards better behavior. This is God’s way of doing you a huge favor and carrying your burden. You don’t have the power to change their inner feelings and judgments towards you anyway. Just let it go.

That is all for today. Leave a comment by pushing the comment button next to the title. Talk with you next week…


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Practical Christmas Shopping and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) | Abba Father's Love
  2. Trackback: See Past Your Child’s Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) to Their DNA Gifting – Part Three: | Abba Father's Love

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