When Your Adopted Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Child Leaves the Nest

When They Leave the Nest:


         This blog was created to encourage foster and adoptive families who have children with behavioral, adoption and/or RAD issues. Please read through some of my posts. They are interesting and mostly on these subjects.

My last post was titled, “Adoption, RAD and Needing to Belong.” Take a moment to read it. We all need to belong and this post has some interesting points for everyone.

Today I am going to talk about a subject that may be a little difficult. I know it is difficult for me. My desire is to encourage you in a way that will lighten your load.


When Our Adopted Children Leave the Nest:

         I hate the idea of both of my adopted children living out on their own.  At times this is hard when my husband and I haven’t heard from them for months on end. I purpose to not imagine what could be happening.

Some of you might not know our oldest adopted child (at eighteen) decided we were not her family and has been on her own ever since. She doesn’t have a phone and rarely calls when she can use a friend’s phone. It’s been over a year since we’ve talked with her.

Our second adopted child had to be removed from our home because she was going to kill me. She doesn’t have a phone all the time either. So, we get a call from her usually once every two to three months (when she can borrow a phone).


What to Do:

         I realize not all of you are in this same situation with your children leaving your nest. But, it is good to prepare yourself because it will happen sooner or later. Unless you have a disabled child who will live with you all their life.

I am talking to all the rest of us who will see our children go out on their own sometimes whether they are ready or not. This takes a great deal of effort to stay in a good place instead of being fearful on their behalf. This is what I want to focus our discussion for today.


How Do We Stay In Peace About Our Children?

Our children moving out is the toughest thing I have faced. I have to purpose to stay in a specific mindset when it comes to the safety of my children. So, here are my thoughts and suggestions.

Four things I do – taken from Psalm 91 in the Bible:

1)  I stand in the shadow of the Almighty (Psalm 91:1). It is the scripture I adopted which helps me walk out all the difficulties with our adopted children. This chapter helped me to learn about who God is and what He does for me.

2)  This chapter is all about God’s power and not mine. I need His power to work for me and my children. My power will not cause anything to happen.

3)  Being under God’s “wing” (Psalm 91:4) is comforting for me and God is extending the same comfort to my children wherever they are.

4)  I believe I will see the enemy (Satan) fall at my side (Psalm 91:7) and God will come through for all of us with His protection and healing.



         For the parents out there who are enjoying your children leaving the nest – you needn’t feel guilty if you are experiencing some relief. It’s OK to enjoy a home that isn’t in chaos from RAD symptoms. My husband and I felt the same way initially. Then we forgave and turned our children over to God’s power to do what needs to be done.

When your life gets back to normal it is important to stay in peace when you haven’t heard from your child for a while. God knows what He is doing so ask for His protection for your children. God will see them through.

Well, it’s been nice talking with you. God bless your Christmas Season!! Until next week…

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: What Do You Mean Forgive the Public for Adoption Behavior Judgement? | Abba Father's Love

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