Holidays and Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

Holidays and Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)


         Hi all! I am Laurie and I created this blog to encourage adoptive and foster parents looking for answers for their children. Many of my posts are on RAD and adoption issues but I have also covered many other subjects. Please take some time and check my other posts out.

My last post  was titled “Adoption RAD and Adoptive Fathers.” It is an interesting and encouraging post so have a look. I’m sure it will be helpful.

Today I am going to talk about the holidays. It is a hard time for adoptive and foster families especially if your child has RAD. RAD children tend to create chaos which disrupts the whole family.


Honoring the Birth Family:

I wrote a post about the holidays last year and gave suggestions to help the children in our charge get through holidays. I suggested healthy ways to honor their birth families. I also wrote a post (before last summer) about keeping our children busy when they are off of school. This is important because it prevents them from punishing us for their birth parents decision to give them up. Please check the two posts out.


Today is a post about implementing measures of Space:

The Holidays are a time when adopted and foster children are in their fantasy zone. They spend a great deal of time fantasizing about how their life would have been with their birth parents and siblings for the holidays. They do the same for their birthdays. This is a fruitless act which creates conflict in their heart causing them to behave negatively. The results ruins the holiday for themselves and everyone else.

If they are creating chaos because they can or because they prefer to be with their birth families – then allow them to have some space in their room as a gift to them and you. Just because they can create chaos doesn’t mean it should be tolerated. If there is a sibling (biological to the adoptive parents) to your adopted or foster child – they may punish them and ruin their holiday or birthday too.

Everyone doesn’t need to experience the chaos the adopted or foster child creates. Give the adopted child some space to collect themselves and when they are over their negative behavior they can join the festivities without ruining everyone’s day.

I don’t want to seem cruel here but giving everyone a break can be a very good thing. The rest of the family can continue to celebrate and be joyful. It will peak the interest of your adopted or foster child. This is good. It shows they want to know what all the glee is about and hopefully they will re-engage. Goal accomplished! Plus, they need to know their behavior doesn’t have the power and effect they intended.



         Helping our children learn appropriate behavior in all situations is what a parent is supposed to teach. So, not allowing our adopted or foster children run the festivities with chaotic behavior is part of teaching them social skills. This allows them to connect to others appropriately and add their richness to society. I’m sure it is your heart to help your child succeed in this way.

         I hope your Holidays are rich and meaningful! I pray this post was helpful. Blessings to you and yours!

I would love to hear from you so leave a comment by pressing the “Leave a Comment” button. I am a life coach so if you would like my help I can be reached at  Ask for Laurie and they will let me know. Until next week…

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Thankfulness. What? | Abba Father's Love

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