Adoption RAD and Adoptive Fathers

Adoption RAD and Adoptive Fathers


Hi everyone! My name is Laurie and I created this blog to help the foster and adoptive families out there. My blog is a place to read topics pertaining to adoption, fostering and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Please take a moment to read some of my other posts.

My last post was about adoption research. It talked about several subjects to look into before committing to adopt. Check it out.

Today I am going to talk about adoption RAD and adoptive fathers. I have several things on my heart to talk about. I’m sure you’ll find this post interesting.


Adoptive Fathers:

I still find it hard to wrap my mind around how much an adopted child with RAD makes “everything” next to impossible for the adoptive mother to accomplish. This is because adopted children project the punishment they have for the birth mother onto the adoptive mother.

What adopted RAD children make difficult for adoptive mothers:

1)  shopping for food and clothing

2)  following rules or chores set by the adoptive mother

3)  accepting homework help or any other help

4)  getting up when the alarm goes off and/or making the bus

5)  accepting any advice or quality time together

6)  this list goes on and on


What the Adoptive Father Can Do:

         Everything your wife does in the realm of motherhood is difficult because of the RAD adopted child’s attitude. So, I am asking all the adoptive dad’s with RAD children to listen. Your wife needs your help and reprieve from the constant resistance she faces. Dad – you need to take over some of the things on the list above.


Here are some of the things the dad can do to give the wife a break:

(The numbered points above coincide with the numbered points below)

1)  Take over some of the clothes and food shopping. These kids love to drive the adoptive mother over the edge about shopping. My husband took the clothes shopping over for me and it helped tremendously. Our adoptive daughters co-operated with him and they had a great time shopping. This was one less resistance for me to deal with.

2)  The adoptive father should always communicate “he” set all the rules and chores of the house even though you and your spouse decided together. If an adopted RAD child knows the adoptive mother set either the chores or the house rules you can be sure she will have a battle on her hands.

3)  Dad’s need to lay out the expectations and consequences you and your wife have agreed upon concerning homework. Then father’s need to follow through to the end.

4)  Fathers, lay down some expectations and consequences for not only getting out of bed to an alarm but getting out of the house for the bus. Adopted RAD children will battle with your wife for no good reason except to punishing her. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS! Fathers, you need to be her buffer and enforce your expectations and consequences.

5)  Your adopted RAD children won’t accept advice from your wife so tune up your communication skills. They also won’t spend quality time with her. You and your wife need to discuss what you desire together but father’s need to convey the advice and family time expectation.



There are many more areas of parenting I am sure adoptive fathers can help with. If you do your wife will see you as her hero. Then love her back with some words of encouragement, a card and/or some flowers. Your wife needs all the love and support you can give her. She is facing the toughest portion of her life and needs to know you are traveling this journey with her. The impossibility of her RAD adoptive children ever treating her as a mother is slim – so having her back goes a long way to help her endure this disorder.

         Thanks dads for listening. Please leave a comment in the box below. Until next week…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Holidays and Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) | Abba Father's Love

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