Adoption Research:

Adoption Research

 Intro:

My name is Laurie and I have traveled the adoption road for a long time. This blog is the result of a very hard adoption experience and I have a great deal to say on the subject. Many of my posts are about adoption issues and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Please check them out.

My last post was on adoption and angels. Take a moment and check it out. It was thought provoking and I’m sure you’ll be encouraged.

Today I am going to talk about adoption research. I wish someone would have pointed me in this direction at the beginning of our adoption process. Sadly they didn’t but I have some insights I would have never discovered had our journey went any other way. Now, I get the pleasure of passing it on to you. I am pretty up front in this post but adoptive parents “to be” need to know about these issues. They will help your adoption process go smoother.

 

What Adoptive Parent’s “to be” Need to Research:

  1. Currently the adoption process includes training about RAD. This is good but not good enough. It is important to get on as many web sites about RAD as possible and learn about all the behaviors. All adopted children come with baggage and a large portion of adoptees have a degree of RAD. RAD children can’t fully love or be loved because of vows they made to not bond or be bonded to by anyone.

 

When my husband and I were in the adoption process we were told, “If we got our children from foster families they won’t have RAD.” Were we misinformed!!! Both of our adopted children have RAD and came from foster families. Our second adopted child has most of the symptoms of RAD. We were just naïve enough to believe our love would get them through. RAD takes so much more than love – so research and get help.

 

  1. Many Adoptive Parents “to be” have their heads in the clouds about what their adoption is going to look like. I have yet to talk to an adoptive parent who says their adoption has been what they expected. Most parents don’t expect their child will have anything wrong with them beyond what the agency informs. Others believe they will just get through or love them through problems. Please be realistic and prepared. There will be bumps in the road and you’ll need help. There are people who are trained and can get you to the answers and end you are looking for.
  2. If you can, research your child’s background for “generational tendencies.” If the biological parents have certain tendencies which prevent them from experiencing life in a healthy way – then there is a possibility your adopted child will too. Find out as much as you can about the “generational tendency” and what works to heal it. Examples: drugs, alcohol, disorders, diseases, etc.
  3. Find out about their native backgrounds. In America there are huge differences in the native backgrounds of different regions in the USA. Social and spiritual beliefs can be barriers in the communication process if your child is a few years old at adoption. Even when they are older it is amazing how a child’s background effects them. Having information, understanding and grace in these situation goes a long way.
  4. If your adoption is a foreign adoption there will be huge differences in many cultural areas. Such as religion, spiritual, foods, hand gestures, social behaviors, proper educate between men and women, language, rest room procedures, holidays, etc. Studying everything you can will be helpful in obtaining the most peaceful environment for your family.
  5. Learn to cook some meals which come from their place of origin. Comfort foods can simply be the food they are used to eating and will help in the adjustment process during acclimation into your family.
  6. Constantly playing soothing music in your house during the first part of your adjustment period can help. It will create an atmosphere of peace, rest and trust to a child who will probably be feeling chaotic inside.
  7. If your child comes from a different country there may be games and songs you can learn which might be familiar to them.

 

Conclusion:

Research as much as you can about your child. It can’t hurt. I hope the info above is helpful. I pray your adjustment period and adoption go well. Please leave a comment below. Until next time…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Adoption RAD and Adoptive Fathers | Abba Father's Love

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