How to Stay True to You When You Have an Adopted RAD Child:

How to Stay True to You When You Have an Adopted RAD Child:

 Intro:

         Here we are again to talk about adoption and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) issues. It’s why I created this blog to begin with. Please check out any of my other posts because most of them are on adoption or RAD issues.

My last post was about deciding what to do when your family or friends don’t understand RAD. It is a difficult situation to be in and I gave some suggestions which might help. Have a look.

Today I’m going to talk about staying “true to you” amongst the barrage of RAD behaviors from your adopted child. This is difficult but necessary. I hope you discover some answers for the situations you may find yourself in.

 

Staying True to You:

         An adopted RAD child (especially the more severe cases) love to intentionally cause frustration to the people around them. They seem to delight in repeatedly pushing emotional buttons all day long. My adopted children were gleeful when they could get any emotional response out of me. The delight was so obvious and they learned very well what worked and what didn’t.

So, what do you do to stay true to you? To be clear – I am not saying a parent is supposed to react negatively to your child’s punishing behavior. Let me say it again – I am not saying a parent is supposed to react negatively to your child’s punishing behavior!! But, when the option of responding appropriately in ANY way to their punishment is out – this can be very emotionally destructive to the parent.

You are created to have emotions and two of those emotions are anger and frustration. It is wrong for your adopted RAD child to gain such pleasure from what they are doing to you. Their delight can emotionally wound a parent to the core. So, what do you do?

 

RAD and Staying True to You:

There is a delineating line which divides reacting and responding. In normal relationships when your emotions surface you can respond appropriately to the other person. Responding is the correct type of behavior – not negatively reacting. You have control of yourself and this is being true to yourself. The results is a better relationship.

With RAD adopted children it is very different. Reacting and responding are both out of the question. This is what I am referring to when I talk about being true to yourself. There is no option of responding which allows your emotions to be communicated – resulting in no emotional outlet (for the parents). So, how can being true to yourself happen?

 

But There is an Outlet:

         To your adopted RAD child you need to keep your frustration or anger to yourself. Keep your cool. Give short little phrases such as “maybe so”, “what are you going to do about that?” or “that’s a bummer.” To Father God, Jesus or Holy Spirit you can unload all your feelings until they are all out. If you don’t unload – it may create health and emotional issues. Stuffing your feelings will never be the correct decision.

You can unload on a friend or spouse. Eventually it may get old and your spouse is probably feeling the same frustrations and anger you have. So, learn to communicate with the ones who have the ability to handle all that you are going through. They are Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit and they can handle all you send their way. Unload to your heart’s content.

 

Conclusion:

         Please comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you on this post or any of my other posts. Or maybe you have a question you would like to ask. I will be here again next week with another post. Until then…

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Abba Father's Love

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