Do You Have an Adopted Child With Behavioral Problems? It May Not Be Your Fault:

Do You Have an Adopted Child With Behavioral Problems? 

 Intro:

Hi all. This is Laurie and I created this blog to encourage adoptive and foster parents who are navigating through adoption and RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) issues. Please check out my other posts. They are all helpful advice about both issues.

My last post was about healing and faith. It was the fifth post of a five part series on encouragement. (Have a look) I talked about several issues which influence our faith in God and ourselves.

Today I am going to talk about adopted children with behavioral problems and the possibility that it may not be your fault. Not that we as parents automatically assume it is all our fault on all subjects of parenting. (I’m being facetious – lol) Many of the issues in adoption are the result of the birth parent’s decisions and the residual effects on their children.

 

Birth Parent Rejection:

We the parents of RAD children need to regularly remind ourselves we are not to take the blame or take the responsibility of causing RAD in our adopted children. We are not to be responsible for what the birth parents caused before we ever adopted our children. That lies firmly on the birth parent’s shoulders.

If your adopted children have RAD – they came to you with all the RAD symptoms attached. You need to understand you didn’t cause the symptoms! Your children are still reacting to the initial rejection from their birth parents and this caused the below symptoms of RAD. You did not!

 

Symptoms of RAD:

  • Superficially engaging and “charming” behavior
  • Lying about the obvious (“crazy lying”)
  • Stealing
  • Destructive behavior to self, others, and material things
  • Poor peer relationships
  • Lack of conscience
  • Lack of cause–and-effect thinking
  • Indiscriminate affection towards strangers
  • Lack of affection with parents on their terms (not cuddly)
  • Little eye contact with parents
  • Persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter
  • Inappropriate, demanding and clingy behavior
  • Abnormal eating patterns
  • No impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive)
  • Lags in learning
  • Abnormal speech patterns
  • Cruelty to animals
  • False allegations of abuse
  • Triangulation of adults
  • Preoccupation with fire
  • Narcissistic and entitled
  •  Manipulative and controlling

 

 

Resentment:

         I know for a long time I resented the birth parents of my two adopted children for several things:

  • For causing such pain in the hearts of my two children by their rejection
  • For their selfishness, lack of responsibility, care or well-being of their children (at least in the case of my two children)
  • For causing RAD
  • For leaving us to clean up their mess

 

Keep On Keeping On:

         I dealt with all my resentment and we took our two children to a RAD therapist. Relief filled my soul when the therapist told us our children “came” with all the above symptoms. It was not our fault they acted the way they did.

Understanding this wonderful revelation helped in so many ways. It doesn’t heal RAD but reminding myself of this fact sure lifted my spirit many times. It allowed me to keep on keeping on.

I hope it helps you in the same way. Maybe today is the first time you saw the symptom list and are realizing your adopted child may have RAD. If so, let me say again – IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT because THEY WERE LIKE THIS BEFORE THEY CAME TO YOU!

 

Conclusion:

If you discovered your adopted child possibly has RAD – be relieved it is not our fault and then get them some help. I understand the younger they are when they get help the better. Your best bet is to google RAD therapists in your area.

If there are places in your soul which need healing – maybe I can help. I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com  I help clients heal from emotional wounding.

Thanks for listening. I hope today was helpful and enlightening. I will have another post for you next week.  Until then…

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: RAD and Needing to Win: | Abba Father's Love
  2. Trackback: Fear, Terror, DID, and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Part Three: | Abba Father's Love

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