Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part Three:

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering:

 Intro:

Hi there. I am back again with a post on the effects of adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). If you have an adopted child – chances are they may have some level of RAD. I have written many posts on the subject. Please check them out.

In my last two posts I’ve talked about RAD, DID and integration. The definitions for these words are below. Please read the definitions and my last two posts so you will be up to date on where I am going with this post.

Today I am going to specifically talk about adopted children and the trauma they go through. Trauma is what causes DID and it wouldn’t surprise me if most adopted RAD children are what I call “shattered” or DID. This post is the last post of this series.

 

RAD, DID and Integration Definitions:

 1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and at this point (even at days old) the child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child precedes to live their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering – Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person’s heart can “shatter” inside and have more than one part. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – When the parts are put back together again.

 

         The last two posts were for laying a foundation of understanding for DID shattering and integration. Now I’m going to apply it to adopted children with RAD. Many times they go together.

What adopted child didn’t grieve when their birth mother gave them up? If we think about the nine months they were in the birth mother’s womb – it was the child’s only universe. Her voice, movement, touch and smell was the only life they knew. Then it’s all gone. TERROR, ANGER, and bewilderment wouldn’t even begin to express what they were going through. This is trauma.

 

Two Parts: (or More)

If you are reading this post then you probably have an adopted child or an adopted RAD child and have seen the difference of how they act in public and how they act at home. Maybe they act differently at home because of two different people or shattered parts inside. For an adopted child I understand this is the results of RAD and a narcissistic personality but it also COULD be two parts in two different situations – public and home. Either way it is the results of trying to self-protect.

It is my understanding: When a person has parts they can switch -sometimes quickly – depending on which part wants to be the forward position at the time. What I mean by forward position: They seem to have a stage and one presenting part is on the stage at a time. According  to what is happening – a presenting part is on stage or in the forward position.

I believe an adopted RAD child shifts from part to part according to what they can handle or need at the moment. If they won’t let anyone close to emotionally attach – then they are living life alone and are the one who is providing for all they need. I think they shift from part to part to accomplish meeting their every need. Charming everyone and manipulating others feelings is shifting from part to part. Trauma has taught them every skill they need to achieve what they want.

People who are shattered may have many parts and can switch quickly. If there isn’t a part that wants to be on the stage they will keep switching until a part can be found who will face what is happening or has the skill to get what they want.

All of our adopted children have lived through some very traumatic events and I don’t believe shattering is too far a stretch to consider. What part is possibly in the forward position in your child? Do you think your child is shattered? Are they manipulating and shifting to get what they want? I can help.

 

Conclusion:

A child or baby can only face what they are able to at the moment. Most adopted children need healing. If you would like some help or need to talk please leave a comment in the box below. OR – I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Contact me and we can set up an appointment or have a phone conversation. I would love to help. Until next time…

[LB1]

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