Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering – Part Two

Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and DID Shattering

Intro:

         Hi all. Laurie here with another post. This blog is all about helping the foster and adoptive family navigate through adoption and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) issues. It is my desire to make the road of adoption easier for those out there struggling in your adoption experiences. Please check out other posts I’ve written on the subject of RAD.

My last post was part one in this series of three posts. I encourage you to read it before reading this one. It will help you understand this post.

Today I am continuing to speak on the topics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and integration. The goal with DID is integration. Here are my three definitions below.

 

My Definitions:

1)  Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – When the birth mother gives her child up for adoption the child suddenly loses the only person they know for safety, comfort, and providing for their needs. Suddenly what was familiar is gone and it is at this point (even at days old) this child can make a vow in their heart that causes RAD. Usually the vow goes something like, “I will never let anyone close enough to me or my heart to hurt me like that ever again”, or “I will never attach to any one and I won’t let them attach to me.” The child then lives their life holding everyone at arm’s length – refusing to bond for healthy attachment. This is the cause of RAD. It is a decision made by the adopted child.

2)  Shattering/DID– Yes I am referring to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Because of trauma a person can “shatter” inside and have more than one personality. More crudely put – their personality separates. It is still their personality only “shattered” into parts. Originally the person was one personality but because of the intensity of an event(s) the person didn’t stay present (or facing the event) and allowed another “part” of them self to come forward to face the trauma.

3)  Integration – when the parts are put back together.

 

DID Shattering:

         I know this is a blanket statement but trauma is a common occurrence in life and intense for some people. We all have lived through trauma but some have lived through much more trauma than others. Trauma causes DID and I wouldn’t be surprised if a large portion of humans are shattered – at least a little. You see, DID can have levels – from mild to severe. DID can vary from a couple parts to many.

Have you ever been driving a car and you can’t remember going through the last stoplight. This is a form of dissociation but not because of trauma. It’s about our thoughts being totally engrossed to the point we are somewhere else for a brief while in our minds.

This is not what I’m talking about in this post. I’m talking about when trauma was so intense the main personality (core) wasn’t able to face or bare the pain, abuse, or event at hand. The main personality disappeared and an alternate personality (or shattered part) came forward to lead and deal with the situation.

 

Honoring Again:

         Just as I said in my last post – a part needs to be honored because it is the result of the person’s inability to know what to do with what is happening to them. This part or parts have protected the person and helped them survive sometimes multiple horrific events without being fully emotionally destroyed.

It is important not to integrate a part if the person is still going through trauma or abuse. If this is the case any integration could possibly revert back to fracturing again for the sake of protection. Again this part has worked long and hard for the sake of protecting and keeping the person secure and safe.

A shattered (DID) person needs to feel safe and trust their best interests are the goal before any permission is given to anyone facilitating integration. Integration is the goal but the person has depended on these shattered part – sometimes for years. It is my understanding a part is like a friend and some have had them for a very long time.

 

Understanding:

I have laid a foundation of understanding in my last post and this one about DID.  My intention is to bring some understanding to very difficult terminology and connect it to the situation you may find yourself in or seeing in your adopted child.

 

Conclusion:

As I bring this post to a close I want to encourage you to come back again next week to read my next post. I will connect DID and RAD as I feel it applies to adopted children. They go through such trauma and I would not be surprised if they are shattered too.

Maybe you see some shattering in your child already and want to get them some help? I would love to help and can be contacted at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please contact me so we can set up an appointment.

Please leave a comment or question in the box below – I want to help.  God’s blessings! I’ll be right here again next week…

        

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