Adoption Parents – Developing Inner Peace – Part Four:

Developing Inner Peace – Part Four:

 Intro:

My husband and I adopted two girls from Thailand and they both were diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). So, I write this blog to encourage the families out there who are navigating through the difficulties of RAD. Most of my posts refer to this disorder and I have written several posts on this subject – please check them out.

My last post was the third post in this five post series on PEACE. I’m using an acronym to share on the important points of peace. I’m also stating the opposing point of reference to make a comparison. Please read the last three posts because they will tie into this post.

Today’s post is part four in this series of five posts. I will be sharing on covenant vs. condemnation. The main emphasis – of course – will be nurturing the development of inner peace.

 

Covenant vs. Condemnation:

The definition of covenant:

  1. A binding agreement; a compact
  2. In the Bible – a divine promise establishing or modifying God’s relationship to humanity or to a particular group.
  3. An agreement, formal, between two or more persons to do or not do something specified.
  4. A formal agreement of legal validity, esp. one under seal.
  5. To promise by covenant; pledge

 

The definition for condemnation:

  1. An expression of strong disapproval; pronouncing as wrong or morally culpable.
  2. An appeal to some supernatural power to inflict evil on someone or some group.
  3. The condition of being strongly disapproved of.
  4. (Criminal Law) A final judgement of guilty in a criminal case and the punishment that is imposed.

Since the fall in the Garden of Eden – Satan has been the culprit of condemnation. He made it his job to kill, steel and destroy as many humans and their lives as possible. He speaks condemnation where ever humankind will listen to him. We seem to take in his verbiage and make it our own. Coming into agreement with his lies and condemnation causes our lives to reflect the fruit of our acceptance.

Well, God is not like that. He likes to make covenant with humankind and in this covenant is all His promises as evidence of His good and kind nature. That is why scripture says, “It is His kindness that bring us into repentance.” (ROM.2:4)

In the definition above I like number two under the covenant definitions because it is the modification of God’s relationship with mankind I am talking about today. It was done through covenant. It was done through Jesus.

God knew man would continue sinning so He sent His son to die as the last and final irrevocable payment for sin. God chose the cross and Jesus was sacrificed as a final blood sacrifice. This restored us through an unbreakable eternal promise called covenant. God set and fulfilled the terms of covenant through Jesus’ sacrifice so man could be reconciled back to God permanently.

Through the ages mankind has made binding agreements (covenants) between two or more parties with exchanges. They exchanged vows, blood, names, clothing, weapons, wealth and covenant meals. God did the same when His son agreed to be the final blood sacrifice exchange for all mankind. He paid for everyone’s sin. He paid for all eternity. It’s over and we are the recipients of His loving covenant.

 

Peace results:

         The results of condemnation is the fruit of a wrong kingdom – Satan’s. Satan delights in inflicting self-discouragement, to self-doubt and expecting less out of life. His kingdom is full of negatives, damage and death.

God and Jesus on the other hand have done all the work because of the cross and I can’t think of another thing which brings inner PEACE than knowing we are in the hands of such a wonderful being. The final reward is knowing the PEACE and love which comes from God’s kingdom.

God please help my readers find the inner peace their hearts are searching for. Help them understand the modification of relationship you have provided – covenant. You’ve provided this modification so your inner PEACE would be available to them as a gift – wrapped in all the love you have. Bless their homes and children. Amen.

If you would like some help in the area of PEACE – I am a life coach and can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Let them know you would like to have a session with me and they will set up an appointment for you.

 

Conclusion:

Please join me again next week for the fifth and final post in this series on PEACE. Leave a comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you! See you next week…        

Adoption Parents – Developing Inner Peace – Part Three:

Developing Inner Peace – Part Three:

 Intro:

As usual, my intention in writing this blog is to educate and encourage foster and adoptive families about the effects of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). RAD is a disorder many adoptive children have and is very difficult to navigate through. I have written many posts on the subject of RAD. Please check them out.

My last post was part two of this five part series on developing inner peace. I am using the acronym PEACE to communicate the process. I’ve included the opposite perspective to bring some depth of meaning. Please have a look at the last two posts because it will connect you to this post more effectively.

In today’s post I will continuing using the acronym of PEACE and will be talking about A for affection vs. affliction. It is my intention to encourage peace because a family with daily RAD issues needs all the peace it can find.

 

A for Affection vs. Affliction:

The definition for affection:

  1. A tender feeling toward another; fondness.
  2. A disposition to feel, do, or say; a propensity

The definition of affliction:

  1. A condition of pain, suffering, or distress. Synonym – trial.
  2. A cause of pain, suffering, or distress.
  3. Something responsible for physical or mental suffering, such as disease, grief, etc.

 

Poor God:

It seems a common belief to blame God for all the afflictions which come our way. God said, “In life there will be trouble.” But, there are many causes for troubles including:

  1. We are reaping what we are sowing
  2. Satan has come to kill, steal and destroy
  3. Generational cursing
  4. Consequences for our actions

The amazing thing is God can use and does “allow” troubles to draw us nearer to His affections. Many times we interpret this the exact opposite. We think God is inflicting.

My favorite definition (see above) for affection is number one. A tender feeling toward another; fondness. That is what God feels towards us and when we are receiving this type of affection from Him – we find PEACE. His daily loving affection will counteract the constant rejection and “denial of bonding” from our adopted RAD children. In other words – their afflictions of rejection towards us can be counteracted by God’s loving affection. Give God permission to pour His affections into you. (Remember, you didn’t create your RAD child’s inner conflict – so see it as their problem).

There are many scriptures in the Bible where God pours out His affection on our behalf. One of my personally favorite chapters in the Bible is Psalm 18. Please read it. In this chapter – God hears the call of David (Me and you if we choose to accept God’s affection) and God arises and rides the cherubim to come and rescue His beloved. He wants to do the same for us and our children.

 

Our Dear RAD Children:

Our RAD children have their own affliction(s) and need God’s affections also!!! I can’t imagine the level of rejection a RAD adopted child has had to endure to survive to this point. How much effort it has taken to hold everyone in their life at arm’s length. How their soul has – out of sheer grit – resisted bonding or resisted letting anyone bond to them!

I pray the wall around our children’s hearts will begin to be tiresome to them. That they would decide to allow others in – close enough to love them! I pray our children will want to deal with their pain – the pain attached to their birth mother giving them away. Help them see their self-protection isn’t working for them and the need for help. God heal them!!

 

Conclusion:

Well, that is enough for today. Please leave a comment below. I’ll be here again next week – continuing this series on PEACE. Thanks for listening!

Adoption Parents – Developing Inner Peace – Part Two:

Developing Inner Peace – Part Two:

Intro:

         Hello all. I’m Laurie and I started this blog to encourage all the foster and adoptive families out there navigating through RAD issues. Please check out the previous posts I’ve written on the subject of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is my heart to help parents see and understand RAD better.

My last post was part one of a five part series on peace. Please take a moment to read it because it will help you understand this post better. Besides, you can get too much peace in their life?

Today is about the second letter in my acronym PEACE which is E for Exclusive and the opposite of exit. This is my effort to portray peace in a way that most of mankind hasn’t understood and maybe hasn’t tried or experienced. I hope you find inner peace in your heart as a result.

 

E for Exclusive vs. Exit:

The definition for exclusive according to the dictionary app. on my phone means:

  1. Excluding or tending to exclude: exclusive barriers.
  2. Not allowing something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive conditions.
  3. Not divided or shared with others
  4. Not accompanied by others; single or sole: your exclusive function.
  5. Complete; undivided: gained their exclusive attention.

When life gets as tuff as it does living with a human who has RAD – you may get frustrated with the inability to get through to them. I understand the disappointment of trying over an over to no avail. This may have driven you to a place of no options leading you to wanting to exit the situation. I know I was at this place of loneliness and desperation. My desire was to see something that would work for my daughters only to realize there was no answer in sight.

Scripture says, “God is a jealous God” and one of the commandments says, “You shall have no other God before Me.” (Ex. 20:3) God was and is a very exclusive God. Mankind has believed many good and evil things about God in the scriptures (above) and everyone is entitled to their own opinion – including me.

So, this is my version of the two quotes from the Bible stated above. God’s idea of creating mankind was for the sake of creating a world of sons and daughters that He can be Abba Father to. (Rom. 8:15) He gives us the right to accept Him or not because He is fair and a gentleman. But, if we do accept Him – it is an exclusive relationship. We are not to have any other God before Him because He is jealous for our love and affection just as He wants to exclusively give us love and affection. Even during our devotional times – He doesn’t want to share us with any other person or event which would interrupt the flow of His love, encouragement and presence. (Presence was the P for PEACE in my last post)

In this place of exclusiveness we are affirmed of who we are and who’s we are. It is part of His plan to be only ours and we are only His. This is in reference to the first place in our hearts being held exclusively for Him. No one can have this place of Father to son/daughter and son/ daughter to Father.

His love is powerful and life changing. Again, this is His intention so we are in a place of safety and peace can flow from Him to us. What a redemptive state of being. What a place of security in love. All with the results of peace.

This all may be sounding strange to you but I can tell you it is not. You can live in inner peace. You can exclusively reserve the first place in your heart for Father God. He will exclusively be your God before all other Gods. He jealously wants to be your Father and bring you peace. This is a much better conclusion than merely exiting the situation out of frustration.

Do you want this in your life? Do you want inner peace? Can you reserve the first place in your heart for the God of the universe? Can you allow Him to be jealous for you and your affections? If you do – I can help you. I am a life coach and have helped many people in the process of making God first and accepting His exclusive love. I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Call and make an appointment with me and I would be glad to help you.

 

Conclusion:

         Thanks for listening and please leave a question or comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you. Until next week…

Adoption Parents – Developing Inner Peace – Part One:

Developing Inner Peace – Part One:

 Intro:

         Hi all. Laurie here to encourage all the parents of foster and adopted RAD children. RAD is Reactive Attachment Disorder and it is more common than you think. I have two adopted daughters with this disorder and have written numerous posts on the subject. Please have a look through my posts to learn more on the subject.

My last post was on prayer breakthrough with my adopted RAD daughter’s. Our prayers have started to work and my adopted daughters are doing better. You can read about it in depth in my previous post.

Today I am going to encourage the adoptive parents out there who are struggling with inner peace in a house where adopted RAD children are intentionally causing chaos. This is the first of five posts on peace in which I will use the PEACE acronym. I am also adding the opposite to what I feel the PEACE acronym represents to give a fuller perspective of God’s loving intent for you.

 

Graham Cooke:

         I couldn’t begin this post without acknowledging a man named Graham Cooke. He is a modern day prophet and writer and has made it his intention to be at peace every day. His voice is like a soothing bubble bath and I admire him for his purposeful intention to stay at peace every moment of the day. He has been very influential in my life so I’m giving honor where honor is due. (FYI, Scientists do say that 90%+ of diseases are due to stress) So, here is a man who has the market on staying peaceful in a world of stress.

If you are interested in getting any of his resources – his web site is brilliantbookhouse.com All of his resources are good but to get the full impact of his message – it’s best realized by listening to his voice. So, get his cds or dvds.

 

P for Presence vs. Personal Pressure: (The first letter of the acronym on PEACE)

Nothing prepared me for the on slot of RAD issues. The pain and difficulty of navigating through adoption and RAD issues challenged me to the core and forced me to look to  bigger and stronger beings for help – the Trinity. Therefore, I’m speaking about God’s presence vs. my personal pressure or abilities. My abilities fell very short and pressuring myself to be more than I am doesn’t work.

When we are all spent and weary, we put personal pressure on ourselves up to try harder and give more. Give more from where? Try harder with what? I’m not saying we are released from our parental responsibility, but we have to have a source we are drawing from. Where can we draw?

From my experience – I value my quiet times with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit deeply. Connection and being in their presence (and in the word) is what gives me peace. If I didn’t have them (the Trinity) I would still be hurting from the purposeful rejection my RAD girls were sending my way. I have learned – God has my time and life in His hands. In His presence is peace and comfort no other being on this earth can impart. Being in the presence of the Trinity in loving relationship is part of the answer to obtaining inner peace.

 

Connection:

So, let’s talk about the Trinity’s presence. I find it interesting that it takes connecting to the Trinity to obtain peace. I also find it interesting that an RAD person lives in chaos as a result of not connecting to anybody and they never ever seem to be at peace.

Just as a baby finds peace and rest in the arms of their mother so every human on this earth can find rest in the Trinities peaceful love and connection. This is called presence.

So, in this journey to obtain PEACE – the first step I propose is the P for presence of the Trinity on our lives. Personal pressure doesn’t fulfill what you or anyone else needs because it comes from a place of depletion of your own internal resources. Your own spirit and soul will thank you for taking this step of presence.

 

Conclusion:

         If you have any questions and/or comments please leave them in the box below. I would love to hear from you. Until next time…