Adoption RAD and Summertime

RAD and Summertime

 Intro:

         I understand I have written many intros with the same content – but I have to take into consideration the new readers to this post…I am Laurie and I started this post to help foster and adoptive families who are navigating through the difficulties of RAD. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder and it begins in the heart of an orphan when the mother gives them away and they are desperately hurt by her. Then the orphan vows to not bond to anyone in an effort to not get hurt again. This causes them to hold EVERYBODY at arm’s length and not truly bond to ANYBODY. I have many posts on the subject – please have a look.

My last post was the third post on the subject of three human lies. I encourage you to check them out. I believe every human believes one to all of the three lies.

Today we are going to look at RAD and summertime. We are coming to that time of year. Many times summer is difficult for all in the adoptive family because the adopted RAD child intends to create constant chaos in the home and punishes the adoptive mother. Summer is supposed to be a time of family fun but ends up being a plethora of chaos.

 

What is an Adoptive Mother To Do?

         First of all you are not to be punished for the choices the birth mother decided to make. Even if the reason the birth mother gave your child up for adoption was because she was dying – your adopted child doesn’t have the right to make you pay for the birth mom’s troubles. You possibly weren’t even in the picture when the birth mother was making her adoption decisions.

 

Practical Help Over the Summer:

Here are some practical things you can do to counteract the chaos an adopted RAD child can create all summer long.

  1. Investigate your surrounding area for a counselor who has had experience with RAD. Most of the counselors in our area didn’t have a clue what RAD was so our girls were able to snooker them. We wasted a nice chunk of money and time trying counselor after counselor to no avail. So, do your homework.
  2. Keep your child busy because the more time they are focused on other activities besides punishing you – the better. Wearing them out is beneficial for the both of you.
  3. If they are old enough – allow them to work part time. My husband and I liked our adopted children to have money because it was one of the resources of discipline we used to bring restitution for the things in my house my adopted children intentionally broke.
  4. Have friends over if your adopted child is capable of keeping friends. This is another distraction to keep your child from constantly punishing you.
  5. Plan for them to go to some kind of educational summer camp program. They need to be exposed to different venues to have a broader educational experience. It will be good for the both of you and will also give their siblings a much needed break.
  6. Sign your adopted RAD child up for some type of class or tutoring
  7. Let them sell cookies and lemonade in the front yard if it is safe
  8. Have a yard sale they can make cookies for and help run

 

Summertime Survival:

I know both of my adopted children were more content with activity. Summer is a long time of togetherness and if your child has RAD they want to make the atmosphere in the home as chaotic as possible. Moms -it OK and healthy to want a reprieve. God Himself doesn’t think you need to be constantly abused by their punishment. He also took a rest on the seventh day of creation.

 

Take some time for yourself:

  1. Plan regular girlfriend nights out.
  2. Take a weekend trip with a friend or spouse.
  3. Do regular date nights with your spouse
  4. Take a class on something that interests you
  5. Go for walks

Just don’t succumb to the meanness of RAD to the point of depression and exhaustion. Don’t relent to constant punishment. Stay healthy with your time and RAD exposure.

 

Conclusion:

     If you want some life coaching – I can help you. I can be reaches at Laurie@getrealliving.com Call and make an appointment with me. I would love to help. Please leave a comment in the box below. Until next week…

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Adoption RAD Victory | Abba Father's Love
  2. Trackback: Holidays and Adoption Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) | Abba Father's Love

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