RAD and Three Human Lies – Part One

Three Human Lies

 Intro:

         This blog is for all the foster and adoptive families who have adopted children with RAD. RAD is a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder and is very difficult to navigate through. I have written numerous posts on the subject – please have a look.

My last two posts were on negative soul response mechanisms such as triggers. Please take a moment and read through them. It is good information for those who are wanting healing in this area.

Today I am going to start a three part series on three human lies. I wouldn’t be surprised if every human being has one to all three of these human lies. But, the focus of this series of posts will be RAD adopted children and their belief in these lies.

 

The Three Human Lies:

  1. I have to do everything right
  2. God has to make everything go right for me
  3. Everyone has to treat me right

 

I Have to Do Everything Right:

         Most of mankind believes these lies to some degree. The “I have to do everything right” lie reminds me of the post I wrote not too long ago about the difference between being an owner or a steward. In this previous post I showed scriptures about God owning everything and we’re here to tend to what God gave us to accomplish. I titled this post, “Who provides for, Owns or Stewards a RAD adopted child?” Please check it out. It is about taking all the stress out of parenting.

The first lie above -“I have to do everything right” – is part of the RAD adopted child’s dilemma. What causes RAD is a few vows the adoptee makes when their birth mom gives them up. I will only talk about three such vows in this post.

 

Three Adopted RAD Child’s Vows:

  1. They vow in their hearts to prevent anyone from hurting them like their birth mom did by giving them away. So, they keep everyone at arm’s length as protection from getting hurt again. Therefore the “I have to do everything right” lie happens in reference to their own self-protection.
  2. They also vow to meet their own needs because they are the only one they trust to look after their best interests. So, the “I have to do everything right” lie goes into effect. At a very young age they try to meet their own need – even when they are too young and enable to do so. This is somewhat understandable but sooner or later their soul will be exhausted from expended energy to do everything right so their needs get met.
  3. Many times the adoptee -and probably all of us at one time or another- have lived this lie in order to be liked or loved. This “lie mask” may be worn to cover up the unseen imperfections they feel aren’t acceptable to others as a means to be loved.

 

Conclusion:

          I’m sure every human on the planet identifies with this human lie at some level. BUT, I’m also sure your intellect understands the truth of the matter. No one can ever do everything right all the time. To do everything right would be exhausting to the soul and would render a person equal with God.

I am a life coach and have worked with many people to get rid of lies to receive the truth.  So, if you find you would like help with the lie of having to do everything right all the time, please contact me. I would love to help you get freedom in this area of your life. You can get ahold of me at Laurie@getrealliving.com Tell them you want a session with me and the secretary help you.

Please leave a message below so we can talk. I would love to hear your question or perspective on this or other posts I’ve written. Until next time…

Advertisements

Adoption, RAD and Soul Response Mechanisms – Part Two

Negative Soul Response Mechanisms:

 Intro:

         Hi all. I’m Laurie and I created this post to help the foster and adoptive families who have RAD adopted children. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder. I have written many posts on the subject and encourage you to check them out.

My Last post was part one in this series of posts about Soul Response Mechanisms. Please take a look at part one because it will help you understand the definitions of the mechanisms. It will also help you understand where I’m going with this post.

Today I am going to talk about how I have seen the Lord heal these soul response mechanisms. Like I said in my last post – some of the mechanisms can be positive or negative, some are only negative and all can be generational curses. I just know the Lord is in the business of healing and He includes healing negative soul response mechanisms.

 

List of Soul Response Mechanisms: (Please look at my last post for the definitions)

  1. Triggers
  2. Devices
  3. Labels
  4. Scars
  5. Chains
  6. Yokes
  7. Mantles
  8. Imprints
  9. Title

 

Negative vs. Positive Soul Response Mechanisms:

I am only going to focus on healing the NEGATIVE soul response mechanisms in this post. They are the result of a relationship wound caused by someone in the person’s lifetime or passed down as a generational curse. Generational curses are the result of verbal cursing and/or un-repented sin.

If a person experiences positive verbal blessing and sin is repented for – the opposite happens and a positive response mechanism forms. The results is a generational blessing. This is the heart of the Trinity – for all of us to be bless so we can fulfill our destinies. The Bible gave many examples of positive verbal blessings and repenting of sin which resulted in positive triggers, devices, labels, scars, chains (positive bonding to God in relationship), yokes (to the Trinity as our teacher), mantles, imprints and titles.

 

Examples of Healings of Negative Soul Response Mechanism:

  1. Trigger – God has taken the negative triggers off so their soul would not react any more.
  2. Scar – God has healed the wound, removed the infection and sometimes removed the scare.
  3. Imprint – God has removed the negative imprint and put His own loving imprint instead.
  4. Devices – God has detached the negative device and they were free to have a positive device. (Example: A tendency towards being joyful)
  5. Labels – the sign was removed from their neck and the Lord gave them a new name.
  6. Chains – were removed and they were positively connected to the Trinity in a healthy relationship.
  7. Yoke – the yoke of slavery was removed and they were positively yoked to Jesus as their friend and teacher.
  8. Mantles – generational mantle curses were renounced and removed and God gave them a new positive mantle of identity.
  9. Titles – the curse of a generational title was renounced and God gave them a new title.

 

Conclusion:

          Positivity is part of God’s Kingdom. God will always bring us into a new beginning and perspective of understanding. We just have to stop thinking He is the one to blame. Satan – from the Garden of Eden to now – has deceived mankind into thinking God is holding out when the exact opposite is true. God is always for us. He is our provider, protector and gives identity. Satan is in the wrong so don’t be fooled and fall for his tricks.

Please think about what I have said in these two posts and go for the positive and your healing. If you related to any of these negative soul response mechanisms please give me a call. I would love to help you. My name is Laurie and I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Tell the secretary you want a session with me and she will help you.

Thanks for listening. Please leave a comment in the box below. Until next week…

Adoption, RAD and Soul Response Mechanisms – Part One:

Soul Response Mechanisms

 Intro:

Hello. My name is Laurie. The reason I started this blog was to help foster and adoptive families who have adopted children with adoption issues and RAD. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder. I’ve written many posts on this subject. Please check them out.

My last post was on receiving respite care for your children so you and your spouse can take a break and get away. Taking regular date nights is helpful too. Please take a moment and read this helpful post.

Today is part one of a two part series and I am going to talk about soul response mechanisms. These mechanisms go off when something touches the wounded or pleasurable spots of our soul. There is a list of soul response mechanisms below and I will define them according to my life coaching understanding.

Next week’s post will be part two of this series and I will talk about getting help with the negative soul response mechanisms. Please come back next week and read further on this subject. I want to help with the negative mechanisms in your life or the life of your adopted child.

 

List of Soul Response Mechanisms:

  1. Triggers
  2. Devices
  3. Labels
  4. Scars
  5. Chains
  6. Yokes
  7. Mantles
  8. Imprints
  9. Titles

 

Triggers:

Triggers – buttons on your soul (soul = mind, will and emotions) that cause an old response to a new situation. Triggers can be good and bad and strongly coincide with touch, sound, smells and similar replicating events. In other words – the new situation may feel the same as a previous good situation or a traumatizing bad situation. The trigger can be pleasurable or painful in direct accordance to what previously happened.

 

Devices:

Devices – Inclination, tendency or disposition towards something even though it may not produce a positive result. (Taken from the Free Dictionary app on my phone) It may run in the family as a generational curse. Example: An inclination to give up too quickly or a tendency to be too strict. It is where we get the phrase, “Left to their own devices.”

 

Labels:

Labels – verbal word curses that have given the receiver a way to be seen by others. Bullies are good at giving people labels. A label can be good or bad but stays and is seen on the person by others subconsciously. It’s like they are wearing a sign saying, “Reject Me or Treat Me Like I’m Dirt.” If it is positive the label could maybe read something like, “leader.”

 

Scars:

Scars – places where the soul has healed over from a wound – but doesn’t necessarily mean it is healed beneath the surface. There may be an “infection” deep in the soul that needs to be released so the wound can truly heal. It can also mean a wound was there, has healed and just has a scare to prove it.

 

Chains:

Chains – where the person has participated in a bad habit to the point the habit is negatively affecting their behavior and life. (Another word could be a stronghold) Chains can also be generational. Chains are negative instead of positive unless they represent being in close bond to one of the Trinity.

 

Yokes:

Yokes – usually are burdens carried which don’t belong to the person carrying it. I have written a previous post on this subject called “Burden Bearing.” Please check it out because burden bearers carry yokes. A positive example of a yoke would be, “yoked to the Lord in relationship.”

 

Mantles:

Mantles – can be good or bad. It is something passed down from generation to generation and is directly connected with the person’s destiny or bloodline. It can be passed from one person to another just like Elijah did for Elisha in the Bible. If it is a good mantle – it has a good effect on the person and is God’s declaration of who they are. If it is a bad mantel – it will keep the person from their destiny.

 

Imprint:

 Imprint – can be good or bad. Example: When a teacher had a good or bad influence (imprint) on you. It isn’t as intensive as a trigger but it does influence the person to make life choices for the good or bad.

 

Titles:

Titles – are similar to labels but have a bigger impact. Titles are not as big as mantles. Again, they can be good or bad but they communicate a description of the person’s personality trait or gifting. Examples of good titles: Administrator, teacher, or merciful. Titles are obvious because of what the person loves to do. A bad title would have a negative connotation. Titles can be generational as well.

 

Conclusion:

          These are my definitions of each soul response mechanism. In my next post I will expand on them and bring in my thoughts about healing the mechanisms. Please join us again next week.

Please leave a comment in the box below. I would love to know what you think. Till next time…

RAD, Adoption and Respite Care

 Respite Care:        

 Intro:

 Welcome back to my blog! I am deeply interested in helping any foster and adoptive family out there who have RAD adoptive children. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder and it effects a large percentage of adoptees to one degree or another. Up to 60% plus of American adoptions and 70% plus of foreign adoptions are effected. I’ve written other posts on RAD. Please check them out.

I just finished a series of posts about the “RAD Orphans Psalm.” It had three parts and was about Psalm 10 vs. the symptoms of RAD. Have a look. I think you will find it interesting.

Today I am going to talk about foster and adoptive parents getting the respite care (rest) they need. RAD is an exhausting disorder. You (the parents) need to permit yourself the gift of rest now and then.

 

Getting Help:

          Parents are the leaders and foundation of the home. I don’t think anyone would argue this point. But, if you are exhausted and disconnected from other members of the family (example: spouse) because of weariness – you are not doing anyone a favor by not taking a break.

There are organizations that provide help if your child is tested and deemed eligible for respite services. These organization deal with special needs and will do an assessment to see if your child falls into a number of spectrums such as bipolar, autism, fetal alcoholism, or a combination of RAD and a special needs diagnosis. Start with a county computer search under respite care.

If this doesn’t work for you, maybe you could find a trusted church member, family member or friend that could give you and your spouse a break. They would need to be a person that understands the ins and outs of RAD and not be blindsided by the manipulations a RAD adoptive child displays.

 

REST:

          What a beautiful activity! According to Dr. Caroline Leaf – author of the book, “Who Turned Off My Brain” – the leading symptom of 90% of all diseases is stress. If you understand RAD at all – you understand that there is a huge amount of stress attached to living with a person who has Reactive Attachment Disorder. The challenges are continual and intense.

So, find a place or event for you and your spouse to go do together and make it happen. My husband and I would go to a little Inn not too far from home and walk the trails, take a nap and watch a movie . We would talk of future plans and dreams. We tried our best not bring up anything about home. It was our way of reconnecting and resting.

 

Dreaming Together:

 My husband and I dream together because it helps us shift our perspective about life to a larger vantage point than the one we were living in at the moment. RAD can be all consuming at times and dreaming about the future was about our relationship only. Our children will eventually move on into their lives –  which is healthy and supposed to happen. This was very therapeutic for me because I could grasp ahold of the perspectives of:

  1. This too will pass
  2. We are not stuck
  3. My husband and I have a future
  4. My children have a future

 

Conclusion:

Give you and your spouse a break. You both deserve to rest, and reconnection. Then dream together, have fun and sleep. It  will rejuvenate your body, your marriage and the next time you get away you can build from where you left off.

Find a dependable respite care giver who understands your situation. They will understand and will probably feel needed and productive. Everyone needs to feel their dreams are being fulfilled and a respite care giver probably has this very dream of their own.

Please leave a message in the box below. I would live to converse with you. See you next week…

The RAD Orphan Psalm – Part Three

The RAD Orphan Psalm             

 Intro:

My intention for this blog is to encourage the foster and adoptive families out there who are finding the symptoms of RAD challenging. RAD is a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder in which the adoptive child has made a vow to not attach to anyone so they won’t be emotionally hurt. This vow is due to the child missing their birth mother, feeling the depths of her rejection and deciding no one else is permitted close enough to hurt them ever again.

 

This Series of Three Posts:

  1. My first post of this series I called “The RAD orphan psalm – part one.” It was about Psalm 10 and I gave points and thoughts about the Psalm.
  2. In the second part of this series – I connected the symptoms of RAD to the verses of Psalm 10 for an enlightening understanding of the RAD orphan’s heart. Please take a moment and read through parts one and two so this post will make sense.
  3. Today I will express what I feel Father God’s perspective towards the RAD orphan is even though the orphan (in this Psalm 10) is standing in arrogance and rebellious defiance against God and others. The RAD orphan seems to have their fist in God’s face. (Please read Psalm 10 printed below)

 

Psalm 10:

(There are several adjectives used in this Psalm which I wouldn’t use to describe an orphan but this Psalm is about a fatherless person which means orphan. As I said in part one of this series – the verbiage in this Psalm is symbolic, picturesque and sometimes graphic)

 

Why, Lord, do you stand far off?     Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,     who are caught in the schemes he devises. He boasts about the cravings of his heart;     he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord. In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;     in all his thoughts there is no room for God. His ways are always prosperous;     your laws are rejected by him;     he sneers at all his enemies. He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.”     He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”

His mouth is full of lies and threats;     trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages;     from ambush he murders the innocent. His eyes watch in secret for his victims;     like a lion in cover he lies in wait. He lies in wait to catch the helpless;     he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. 10 His victims are crushed, they collapse;     they fall under his strength. 11 He says to himself, “God will never notice;     he covers his face and never sees.”

12 Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God.     Do not forget the helpless. 13 Why does the wicked man revile God?     Why does he say to himself,     “He won’t call me to account”? 14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;     you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you;     you are the helper of the fatherless. 15 Break the arm of the wicked man;     call the evildoer to account for his wickedness     that would not otherwise be found out.

16 The Lord is King for ever and ever;     the nations will perish from his land. 17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;     you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, 18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,     so that mere earthly mortals     will never again strike terror.

 

The Adoptive Parents Heart:

          After reading this Psalm I can see verses 12-15 as an adoptive parent’s heart cry. It is the cry of my heart for God to do something in the hearts of my two adoptive children! I understand it seems cruel to ask Father God to “break the arm of the wicked (orphan).” In my mind – it parallels my heart when I came to the end of what I could do and asked God to do whatever it would take to get my girl’s to heal.

Before this series of posts I wrote a series of posts called, “Who Provides for, Owns and Stewards a RAD Adoptive Child.” (Please check it) God is our provider and He owns everything including us and our children. We are merely stewards of parenting our children which puts all the stress of how our children turn out on God. He will give us direction, wisdom and strategy to help our adopted children and we just need to obey.

We the parents need to stop enabling our children by preventing them from experiencing life lessons, learning from pain, and feeling the effects of consequences. When we prevent – we get in God’s way. Getting in God’s way prevents the very thing we want to happen.

We learned from life through life lessons, pain and consequences’ – so why are we preventing our children from learning in the same way? Pain goes very deep into our soul and we need to allow God access to the deep parts of our children’s soul also. The purpose is to let God save, heal and deliver our children. He has for me and he will for you and your child. (In Isaiah 61:2 – the words heal the brokenhearted means to save, heal and deliver)

God never said life would be perfect or without pain. He did say He would save, heal and deliver us so the missing component is God’s love and participation in the healing process. He wants to use every opportunity to show all the facets of His kind and loving personality and He uses life situations to navigate. We then have a whole life time to allow God to save, heal and deliver all of us.

 

Father God’s Heart:

          Verses 16-18 reveal the heart of Father God. He is King, hears the desire of the afflicted, encourages them and listens to their cry. He defends the fatherless (orphan) and oppressed and doesn’t want them to live in terror.

As I said above – God saves, heals and delivers. The whole chapter of Isaiah 61 is about Jesus and what dying on the cross provided for us and for our children. A broken heart is the RAD adopted child’s dilemma. Let Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit save heal and deliver them. Turn them over to the arms of a powerful God, loving Savior and a comforting Holy Spirit.

 

Conclusion:

          Well, that’s all for today. Please comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you. If you would like some life coaching I am a life coach. Contact me at Laurie@getrealliving.com   We’ll set up a session. Till next week…