The RAD Orphan Psalm – Part Two:

The RAD Orphan Psalm:

Intro:

This blog is about helping adoptive families who is navigating through the symptoms of RAD. RAD is a disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder and it effects a large percentage of adopted children to one degree or another. Please read my previous posts on the subject. They will help in many ways including understanding this post.

My last post introduced what I call the RAD Orphan Psalm which is Psalm 10 from the bible. I presented some thoughts and points paving the way for part two and three in this series of posts. Psalm 10 describes the behavior of an angry, fatherless (Orphaned) child. Please take a moment to read part one of this series. It sets the stage for this post which includes a list of RAD  symptoms below.

 

My List of RAD Symptoms:

This list of symptoms are a combination of two resources:

1) Book: Parenting the Hurt Child by Dr. Keck

2) What I have observed from having two RAD adopted children of my own.

Most of this list will help us see the verses of Psalm 10 in a RAD symptom light. I will put the verses of Psalm 10 in parentheses next to the symptoms so you can see the connection between two. (Psalm 10 is printed below this symptom list for your convenience)

1. Manipulative and charming, putting on a false face (verse 2)

2. Amoral in their life choices (verses 5 & 13)

3. Indiscriminate affection towards strangers

4. Not affectionate with parents

5. Little or no eye contact with parents (symptom 3-5 are about being amoral in their life choices) (Verses 5 & 13)

6. Persistent nonsense questions and incessant chatter (all verses except when God is talking)

7. Inappropriate demanding and clingy behavior (verses 1-11& 13)

8. Lying or sometimes pathological lying (verse 7)

9. Stealing (verse 3)

10. Destructive behavior to self, others and material things (verses 1-11)

11. No impulse controls – can frequently act hyperactive (verses 1-11 & 13)

12. Has lags in learning

13. Has abnormal speech patterns

14. Has poor peer relationships (verses 1-11)

15. Lack cause and effect thinking (verses 1-11 & 13)

16. Lack of conscience (verses 1-11 &13)

17. Shows cruelty to animals

18. Preoccupied with fire (destructive behavior – most of the chapter)

19. Attracted to evil, witchcraft and power (verses 1-11)

20. Narcissistic – thinks unrealistically highly of themselves. Wants everyone and everything to revolve around them. Makes themselves a God to be worshiped. They are never wrong. Their problems are always someone else’s fault. (Verses 1-11 &13)

21. Won’t let anyone truly close to their heart (verse 6)

22. Lives in a destructive fantasy world (verses 4, 6 & 13)

23. Strong self-gratification impulses (verses 1-11 & 13)

24. Easily jealous or envious (verse 13 – wants to be parented but only by their birth parents)

25. Loves to create chaos (verses 1-11 & 13)

26. Angry if anyone is happy if they aren’t (this orphan is just simply angry)

27. Always has to win (verses 8-10)

28. Doesn’t read life situations correctly (whole chapter)

29. Lives in self-pity (whole chapter)

30. Schemes intentionally to emotionally hurt people (verses 5, & 8-10)

31. Verbally and emotionally punishes those around them (verses 2,5, & 8-10)

32. Loves to pull the heart strings of those around them – including God’s heart strings (verses 1-2 & 13)

33. Challenges authority – (who is there to protect them – verse 13)

 

Reading Psalm 10 Again:

       Please read Psalm 10 again in light of my RAD symptom list above. I feel the anger exuding from the orphan (fatherless) makes sense in light of what is going on in their heart as an RAD orphan. The RAD orphan is angry about not being in control, is feeling cheated in life, think they deserve to be entitled in their behavior and should have preferential treatment. They try so hard to force life to go the way they think it should go. They are very deceived about who is for them and who is against them and lash out at anyone who crosses their path – including God.

 

Why, Lord, do you stand far off?     Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,     who are caught in the schemes he devises. He boasts about the cravings of his heart;     he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord. In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;     in all his thoughts there is no room for God. His ways are always prosperous;     your laws are rejected by him;     he sneers at all his enemies. He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.”     He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”

His mouth is full of lies and threats;     trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages;     from ambush he murders the innocent. His eyes watch in secret for his victims;     like a lion in cover he lies in wait. He lies in wait to catch the helpless;     he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. 10 His victims are crushed, they collapse;     they fall under his strength. 11 He says to himself, “God will never notice;     he covers his face and never sees.”

12 Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God.     Do not forget the helpless. 13 Why does the wicked man revile God?     Why does he say to himself,     “He won’t call me to account”? 14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;     you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you;     you are the helper of the fatherless. 15 Break the arm of the wicked man;     call the evildoer to account for his wickedness     that would not otherwise be found out.

16 The Lord is King for ever and ever;     the nations will perish from his land. 17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;     you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, 18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,     so that mere earthly mortals     will never again strike terror.

Conclusion:

Most of the Psalm 10 is about RAD orphans and what they are saying. The RAD orphan even says, “Nothing will ever shake me, no one will ever harm me and God won’t call me into account.” (Verses 6 and 13) In verse 11 the orphan says, “God will never notice; He covers His face and never sees.”

I have a long experience with RAD orphans and this is exactly what they say to those around them and to God. They seem to always be against everyone who wants to love them because they don’t want to be hurt again. They want to hurt before they get hurt and it puts them in a vicious cycle of feeling they are not seen, loved or understood.

BUT THEN – Father God has His say at the end of this Orphan’s Psalm which is the theme of my next post. Join me again next week and hear the conclusion to this series of posts. Please make a comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you. Till next week…

The RAD Orphan Psalm – Part One:

RAD Orphan Psalm:

 Intro:

        Hello all. This blog is for all of the families out there feeling frustrated and confused about RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) symptoms in your foster or adopted child. Please read my previous posts on the subject of RAD. I have written several. They will help you understand RAD and where I’m going with this series of posts.

 I just finished a three part series titled “Who Provides for, Own and Stewards a RAD Adopted Child?” Please take some time to check them out. It will help lighten your “life load” considerably.

Today I am going to talk about Psalms 10 from the bible. It is what I call the “RAD Orphans Psalm” and is part one of this three part series of posts. In this post I will discuss some points and thoughts in order to bring understanding to parts two and three. I will break this Psalm down into portions in part two and relate the verses to the symptoms of RAD. Part three will be the conclusion – emphasizing Father God’s beautiful heart towards orphans.

 

Three Points:

  1. This passage seems to have a narrator who is describing what an orphan is doing. In conclusion the narrator describes the Father God’s actions even after the orphan reviles against Him. The middle of this Psalm (verses 12-15) seems to describe the parent’s heart cry for the main character or orphan of the Psalm.
  2. This passage uses the word wicked (amongst other words) to describe the orphan or main character of the Psalm and that bothers me. But I didn’t write the Psalm and at the end of the passage the word fatherless (orphan) describes the main character.
  3. Each section of this Psalm describes what the orphan does. Many of the descriptions align with the symptoms of RAD. RAD means Reactive Attachment Disorder.

 

Thoughts: 

  • As you read through the progression of this passage in scripture – I’m sure you will see a resemblance describing what an orphaned child decides in their heart. Please compare it with what you see in your RAD adopted child’s actions or symptoms.
  • We must remember the more graphic verbiage displayed in this Psalm are symbolic in nature and aren’t literal acts of behavior. For example: It says in verse 9, “He lies in wait like a lion.” This verse is merely painting a visual picture. The orphan obviously isn’t a lion.
  •  The other concept I want to bring to your attention is the orphan’s decision to blame Father God for everything when God’s heart is the opposite of the condemnation coming against Him. God’s intention is for family and keeping the fatherless from terror.
  • My definition for an orphan is someone who feels like they are on the outside looking in on everyone else. They feel rejected, excluded and abandoned by God and others. They are steeped in self-pity because, in their minds, everyone seems to have what they want and won’t ever get. They feel they are being cheated on all fronts and no one cares or will “call them into account.” (Verse 13)
  • This Psalm starts out with the very action of an orphan when it says, “Why, Lord do you stand far off?” as if it is God who has orphaned them. In verse 11 the orphan says, God will never notice; he covers his face and never sees.” It was God’s idea first to invent adoption by adopting us into His family. Orphans have such a twisted view on reality.

 

Psalm 10:

 Why, Lord, do you stand far off?     Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak, who are caught in the schemes he devises. He boasts about the cravings of his heart; he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord. In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. His ways are always prosperous; your laws are rejected by him; he sneers at all his enemies. He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.” He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”

His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent. His eyes watch in secret for his victims; like a lion in cover he lies in wait. He lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. 10 His victims are crushed, they collapse; they fall under his strength. 11 He says to himself, “God will never notice; he covers his face and never sees.”

12 Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless. 13 Why does the wicked man revile God? Why does he say to himself, “He won’t call me to account”? 14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand. The victims commit themselves to you;  you are the helper of the fatherless. 15 Break the arm of the wicked man; call the evildoer to account for his wickedness that would not otherwise be found out.

16 The Lord is King for ever and ever; the nations will perish from his land. 17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, 18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror.

 

 Conclusion:

        To me – I can see many of the symptoms of RAD in this passage. (I will expound on RAD symptoms in my next post) RAD orphans are often steeped in self-pity, revenge, and rage. Understandably so when it comes to being without their blood family. They want someone to pay for what has happened to them and are shaking their fist at everyone – including God. They hold a vow in their heart to reject everyone on the planet before anyone rejects them first. Their deception of reality is huge.

I will continue to build on what we are discussing in my next post. Please join me again next week. Please leave a comment pertaining to this post in the box below. Until next time…

 

Who Provides For, Owns and Stewards an Adopted RAD Child? Part Three:

Stewardship:

 Intro:

Hi all. Here we are in part three of this series about provision, ownership and stewardship in reference to RAD and adopted children. This blog is for all those out there looking for help and encouragement when navigating through the symptoms of RAD and foster/adoption issues. (Check out my previous posts on this subject) Although I am using provision, ownership and stewardship in reference to RAD and adoption issues – they apply to all aspects of our lives.

My last two posts were about God’s provision and God’s ownership. Please take a few moments to read through them. They will help you understand where I’m going with this post about stewardship. Then I will bring everything together for the bigger picture in my conclusion at the end of this post.

 

Stewardship Scriptures: (NIV)

  •  Gen. 2:15 – The Lord took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (The word work in this scripture means to act as a servant)
  • Matt. 25:14-23 – Because this story is so long I will quickly tell you about it: The story is about three servants who were given either five, two or one talent to work with while the master was gone. A talent is a form of money used in Bible times. The servants given five and two talents doubled their money and the master called them good and faithful servants. The servant with one talent just buried his talent in the ground and was called a wicked servant for not bringing a return or even interest on his master’s money. The master gave this man’s talent to the servant who doubled his talents to ten talents. All three servants were to steward their masters money while he was gone.

 

Review:

*In post number one of this series I made the point that God is our provider. I used the scriptures in:

  • Luke 12:24 – God says He provides for the birds and we are more important than they are so He will provide for us too.
  • Gen. 22:14 – Genesis states God provided a sacrifice for Abraham when he needed it. He will do the same for us when we are in need.
  • Phil.4:19 – Philippians says that God will provide all our needs according to His riches in glory. I went on to say – our jobs don’t ultimately provide for us. Whether you believe it or not – God is the one who provides for us. He gave us our jobs just as he gave Adam his in the garden. We are to use our time, “talents”, and treasures towards what He provided. We are not under the curse of toiling that Adam (man) was given when Adam fell. When Jesus died for our sins – that curse broke off mankind. All the attached stress of toiling to make a living broke off too. We just need to have a paradigm shift and come into agreement.

* In post number two of this series – I said that God is the owner of all things including all the earth’s gold and silver. I used the scriptures in:

  • I Chron. 29:10-13
  • Haggai 2:8
  • Psalm 24:1-2
  • If God is the owner of all things, including all the silver and all the gold -then He owns us, our children, our finances, our houses, jobs and businesses, etc.
  • If God owns all of the above – He gets all the headaches and trouble connected to them. He gets the stress and the responsibility of making things work out. Sounds good to me!

 

My Point:

We are very much like Adam and the servants in the two stewardship scriptures above. We are God’s servants and we are given the task of stewarding what God has given us. We get the privilege of using our “talents” (abilities, time and possessions) for God’s glory. He owns all our finances even though he only requires a tithe back.

 

Now what does this look like? How are WE Stewards?

My husband and I have a couple of businesses but we aren’t the owners – God is. We are stewards (servants) and God is the owner. When our businesses are slow we go to God and say, “Your businesses are slow and you need to pay your bills – what are you going to do about it? If He does something – we praise God. If He doesn’t pay His bills and His business closes – we praise God. He has a reason for all He does – even closing His business in order to teach us something different about His or our character we didn’t know before. It is His business to do with as He pleases. The responsibility and burden is on Him.

The same is true for our children or foster and adopted RAD children. We are to steward our children but God is their owner and provider. He knows what it will take to get through to them – even breaking through the RAD symptoms. The burden of success or failure is on Him. We’re to just obey what He gives us to do and leave the results to him.

 

Conclusion:

My husband and I have made the shift to stewardship. We printed two documents – one for the business and one for our home. I made one for the ministries I’m in or lead. These documents decree God as our provider and owner and we are the stewards (servants) of everything in our lives. This includes our children. We signed our documents and a witness witnessed the signature and dating of the documents. We framed and hung them on a wall (at home and work) so we see it every time we enter either place. This event truly took the weight of the world off our shoulders!

So, take a few minutes and make this shift in your life. Create your own document or contact me for a copy of ours. It will puts all the stress and responsibility on God to provide, be the owner and make things happen in your life.

Please leave a comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you!…          

Who Provides For, Owns and Stewards an Adopted RAD Child? Part Two:

Ownership:

 Intro:

 This blog is for all foster and adoptive parents out there who need help navigating through the challenges of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Many adopted children have this disorder to some degree or another. The symptoms of RAD are very frustrating to all persons in the adoptive family including the RAD child. I have written MANY posts on the subject. Please have a look.

My last post was on provision (who is the provider) and is part one of a three part series. In all three posts I am discussing the difference between provision, ownership and stewardship in regards to adoption and RAD symptoms. Please look at my previous post. It will help you understand this post in greater depth.

Ownership is the topic for today’s discussion (part two). Next week I will move on to discuss stewardship (part three) and conclude by weaving all three posts together for a bigger picture.

 

Ownership Scriptures: (NIV)

  • Psalm 24:1 & 2 – The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it; the world and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters.
  • I Chron. 29:10-13 – “Praise be to you, O Lord, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, O Lord is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and the earth is yours. Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. Wealth and honor come from you; you are ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.
  • Haggai 2:8 – The silver is mine and the gold is mine, declares the Lord Almighty.

 

My Point:

 If God owns all things – then he owns us and our children. If God is the ruler over all then he rules over our families. If the earth is the Lord’s and everything in it (including all who live in it) then we fit that category too. If God is exalted as head over all then He is head over us. If God owns all the silver and gold then he owns our finances.

In a world that is increasingly becoming entitled and narcissistic – I am sure this discussion will not sit well. We like to think we are more important than we really are. Now don’t get me wrong – God puts great value on humans. More than anything on earth. But God must be up in heaven chuckling at us for our misplaced understanding of how we fit into existence. He knows He is in charge and owns everything. But we on the other hand don’t seem to have a clue and want things our own way.

 

Thoughts:

 What do you think would happen if we came into the correct alignment with God? If we would grasp the Sovereign Kingship of God being in charge of everything? What would our world look like?

 In Psalm 139 it talks about how incredibly we are created. It goes on to talk about the book God created about our life’s destiny. If we were to come into agreement with all that God says we are and what God says we are to do – then we would accomplish more in a life time. We would fulfill our sovereignly planned lives and find satisfaction in the things we put our hands to.

If God owns us then why not surrender to this thought and put the responsibility of our families – including our RAD children – on God. It would be wonderfully restful instead of stressful because the burden of success or failure is on His shoulders.

 

Conclusion:

If we combine my last post with this post – we can safely conclude that God will provide all that our RAD child needs and He owns all of our lives. Therefore,  the results rests fully on His strong and very broad shoulders. He creatively connected us to our adopted child and He knows the answers to all the adoption and RAD difficulties.

Well, this concludes part two of this series. Next week I’m going to talk about stewardship and wrap this series up. Please check back next week and have a look.

Leave a comment in the box below. I would love to hear from you! Until we talk again…

Who Provides For, Owns and Stewards an Adopted RAD Child? Part One:

 Who Provides?

Intro:

 Hello there. My name is Laurie and my intention for this blog is to encourage all the families out there who are facing the effects of RAD symptoms in their foster and adopted children. RAD is Reactive Attachment Disorder. The child who has RAD is unable to bond to anyone because they don’t want to be hurt. I have written numerous previous posts on this subject. Please go back and check them out.

My last two posts were written as a two part series titled “Adoption, RAD and Special Needs.” Please take a couple minuets and read through them both. They have some very helpful information for those of you who are in search of resources and encouragement for both you and your special needs child.

This post is the beginning of a three part series titled “Who Provides for, Owns and Stewards an Adopted RAD Child?” Today’s specific topic is on provision.

 

Provision Scriptures: (NIV)

  • Luke 12:24 – “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!
  • Gen. 22:14 – “So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.” (God required Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on an alter and then provided a lamb instead)
  • Phil. 4:19 – And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

My Point:

My husband and I are going through a season of re-evaluating who really provides for us. We’ve known it is the Lord but we are learning a whole new level of understanding on this topic. It has been very enlightening.

It is NOT my husband and I who provide for us. We have surrender to the understanding of a much bigger vision – rendering us provided for -much like the birds in Luke 12:24. They don’t have to toil to be provided for. God calls us more valuable than birds – therefore God provides all things for us also.

In the Garden of Eden God “caused” the plants and animals to bear after their own kind. God just spoke this into existence. God was Adam and Eve’s provider and God caused the plants to bear everything they needed to live their lives.

Adam and Eve had the job of taking care of the garden. Their work was not hard because they were aligned with God and His purpose. Then Adam and Eve fell and Adam’s curse for his sin was toiling and hard work for any provision.

When Jesus died – He paid the price for all things to be redeemed and put back into order. He broke off the cursing of Adam’s specific sin which resulted toiling. If we accept Jesus into our heart and the ruler of our lives – then the curse is broken off us too.

We do have the responsibility of working just as Adam and Eve did when they tended the garden. The difference is the lack of toiling and stress. Jesus paid for Adam’s curse and we (as God’s children) are not under the curse any more. When God is sovereign as provider – things revert back to God’s original order of provision without toil. The responsibility of provision is put on God alone.

 

Thoughts:

This is God’s plan of provision when we look to him to produce and provide what we need. We as humans have the most valued position of anything on the earth. Luke 12:24 says so. God is our provider and that doesn’t exclude providing for what our RAD children need. And they need a great deal.

If you have found this post then I am assuming you are looking for answers to the difficulties of RAD. Believe me when I say I understand. We have two RAD adopted children. The effects of RAD are overwhelming – especially in severe cases.

My husband and I are now looking to God to provide the answers we need to get through the wall of RAD. God knows what it will take to heal our children’s hearts and get them on the right path. God will provide for us, just as he will for you!

 

Conclusion:

       This concludes part one of this three part series of posts. I will continue to discuss ownership and stewardship in my next two posts. Then I will give my final conclusion by weaving all three posts together.

Please leave a comment in the comment box below. I would love to be of help to you as you look for answers for you and your adopted RAD child. Until next time…