Does Joy Wreck the RAD Child’s Intentions to Win by Rejecting?

Joy and Thanksgiving


 Hello there – I’m Laurie and this blog is for the foster and adopted parents of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children. My intention for this blog is to encourage you on your journey of navigating through RAD issues. I just finished a four part series called, “What Power is Behind You” on the Holy Spirit as our help. Then my last post was about encouraging adoptive mothers titled, “Can You Refuse the Effects of RAD?” Please check them out.

Today I’m going to talk about joy and its effects on RAD. The Lord is leading me to write on this partly because of the holiday we are celebrating. Psalm 100:4 “Enter His gates with Thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.”


 How can Joy wreck the RAD child’s intention to win by rejection?

  Remember the post I wrote titled, “What does your RAD adopted child need most from you?” The reason for that blog was to explain – your RAD child requires you to be strong before they will allow you to love them. This post is a way to be strong.

The RAD child wants everyone to reject the adoptive mother just like they do. As a matter of fact they hate when the adoptive mother acts happy or joyful because to them it shows failure in their attempts to dismiss the adoptive mother out of existence in the family. Their hate for the adoptive mother is extensive and they want the mother out of her position as wife to the adoptive father. The adopted child, if she is a girl, wants the adoptive mother’s position in the family instead.


You ARE Their Mother?

        Being an adoptive mother requires you to make some unconventional decisions and behavioral alterations to win over the heart of your child. Parenting a RAD child is not how a normal emotionally-BONDED child is parented. Regular “parenting” doesn’t work with a RAD adopted child!

I’m sure there have been times when you have been disillusioned about why you wanted adopted children. In the beginning it was so exciting when you were waiting to receive this beautiful little one into your home. You probably had dreams of how your life and family would turn out. That they would receive your love and care and then love you back. I know – I was there.

Then life went on and our RAD adopted children started acting out. The sabotaging, rejecting, and manipulating started and I didn’t know what end was up! I completely understand.


Being Joyful For the Sake of Showing Strength:

 Being joyful does show your child you are strong enough to trust. Then, hopefully, they will decide to let you close enough to their heart to love them. This can take a while.

At first they will hate you for being happy. To them NO ONE should be happy because they are miserable. So therefore the adoptive mom should especially not be happy because she doesn’t deserve it in their mind.

My advice to you moms: Take every opportunity to be as happy and joyful as you possibly can be. Sing, whistle and dance to your hearts content. It will eventually get through to your RAD adoptive child that they don’t have the power they think they have over you. It will also position you in a better place in your heart and spirit. Make the holiday of “Thanksgiving” a year around event. Your RAD child will eventually get the hint and maybe join in.



        I hope this post helps! If you want to talk please leave a comment below. I would love to help! Talk to you later…

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