Adoption and the Symptom of Narcissism – Part Two

You Can Heal from the Results of Marriage and Adoption Narcissism

 Intro: 

The reason for this blog is to help the adoptive families with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) children. There are many posts I’ve written on this topic. Please have a look.

My last post gave the list of symptoms of narcissism and some steps to overcome it. If you haven’t read the previous post, I suggest you do so to better understand this post.

I referred a book (in my last post) written by Patricia King entitled “Overcoming the Spirit of Narcissism.” I highly recommend you read it. Her website is xpmedia.com  There is a list of 34 symptoms of narcissism which will help you gain better understanding  of the  narcissistic mind. She does give examples of situations which create narcissism. Adoption and being spoiled are two of the situations.

 This post is about how the narcissistic person can personally heal and then mend their broken relationships. I will also talk about healing for the non-narcissistic person who was abused by a narcissist. Both healings are necessary to move forward in wholeness.

My Story:

 If you are the parent of a RAD adopted child, the likelihood of your child being narcissistic is pretty great. Do they expect everyone to revolve around them and get angry if they don’t? Are they charming in public and the opposite at home?

My husband and I adopted two daughters from Thailand who had RAD. (Please check out my previous posts for more information on RAD). At the intensive RAD therapy we took our girls to, the therapists said narcissism is a regular symptom of RAD.

My husband HAD narcissism. I put the emphasis on HAD because he is the result of what the Lord has done in his life. The Lord healed him and our marriage is better than it has ever been. In moving forward, I’d like to mention my husband has given me permission to tell this story.

In my last post I gave a list of behavioral patterns of a narcissistic spouse and the results it has on the non-narcissistic spouse. I have personally experienced these and reached a point of almost losing who I was. In addition to my husband’s narcissism, our two narcissistic adopted daughters punished me whenever they could.

I couldn’t understand why I was getting nowhere when I saw the truth about our narcissistic daughters then shared with my husband. I would go to him and express what I was seeing and he would just ignore me trying to make it just go away. He didn’t want to spend time doing anything that wasn’t supporting him and what he wanted to spend his time on.

 

What Position Did I Have To Take for Breakthrough?

 This was a very hard road to travel because it wearies the soul when the truth is revealed but it hasn’t set the situation free.  At least not in my relationship with my husband at the time. But Why?

When we give God the rightful seat on the throne of our hearts we also have to realize that He also doesn’t share any of His glory or honor. I do receive truth and revelation, but it is God’s truth and revelation and it must be implemented in His timeframe. We are to be after Father God being glorified only.

 

So, how does this apply to the topic at hand?

 I was seeing our situation clearly, but I was expecting everything to be done in my timing, and through my effort. I tried to approach my husband from every angle possible in order to get him to understand the dire situation we were in. It just wasn’t working.

I finally said “uncle.” From that point on, I suffered in silence and went to the Lord only. I soaked in Psalm 91. I found my “Secret Place” under His wing and poured my heart out while praying on behalf of my family situation. I found my own healing in this process. I didn’t say another word to my husband, but asked the Lord to speak to him and open his eyes to everything going on.

This went on for a while because God wanted to see if I was serious about allowing Him to be in charge and get all the glory and honor. I was glad for Him to take over because I was exhausted trying to deal with a narcissist. What I was doing wasn’t working.

 

The Conference with Patricia King:

 My husband and I went to a local conference where Patricia King was speaking and she advertised her book on narcissism. My husband leaned over to me and said, “her description describes our girls” and immediately got up and purchased Patricia’s book. He read it and became so convicted of  the list of symptoms of narcissism  he broke each symptom down to percentages of how much he displayed each symptom. He said he had 31 out of the 34 symptoms. He has apologized to me for all his behaviors and we are now on a wonderful journey together. God healed my husband in His timing and got all the glory and honor!!

 

Therapy:

 Things accelerated with our adopted girls. My husband could see they were in crisis and agreed to take them to RAD intensive therapy. God vindicated me at the intensive therapy. He caused all of the girls’ symptoms of RAD and narcissism to be revealed. Everything came out: The girls were trying to get us divorced, the youngest was planning to kill me and then marry my husband, they wanted me out of the house, they were sabotaging my every effort to bond with them, the oldest adopted daughter was trying to emotionally seduce my husband, etc. My husband again apologized to me for not believing me. I received full healing.

 

Conclusion:

 God wants to come through for you! Your power can’t accomplish what you want. God loves the most difficult situations and will glorify Himself in His power – proving to be the most Wonderful Being in the universe on your behalf. So, give up and give in to His love, glory and power. He wants to show you who He is for you in this unsolvable situation.

 

If you would like some help in the area of getting free from narcissism or from being abused by a narcissist – please call me at the Unleashed Healing Center. I’m Laurie and a life coach. I would love to help you. You can connect with our office through unleashedhealingcenter.com

Please leave a comment below. I would love to talk with you.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. aslanslamb
    May 04, 2017 @ 00:07:38

    I see many symptoms of narcissism in myself. I have always had them, just started noticing it this year. I lie and manipulate. I don’t know how to get free of these characteristics although I realize that other people build relationships on a whole other healthier and stronger level. What would I need to do to start changing?

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    Reply

    • abbafatherandhislove
      May 11, 2017 @ 16:18:19

      Admission is the first step. The desire to change is the second. I’m not sure where you are located but if you want my help I can be reached at Laurie@getrealliving.com Please connect with me there and we can make a plan for your healing.

      Like

      Reply

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