Adoption and the Symptom of Narcissism – Part One

Adoption and the Narcissistic Spirit


 In my last post I talked about standing in proxy for your adopted child. You have the legal right to stand in proxy because God honors you as the authority over your adopted child’s life. Proxy brings healing because it gives your child closure for the decisions their birth parents decided which caused such chaos in their life.

Today I’m going to talk on the subject and symptoms of narcissism. I have only shared briefly about this topic in other posts, but today I’m going into more depth. I will divide this topic into two posts. This post will describe the symptoms. My next post is will describe my personal experience and all that I learned in the process of living with three narcissists.

I recommend a book by Patricia King. The title of the book is, “Overcoming the Spirit of Narcissism.” She has CD’s on the subject too. In this book is a full list (not in this article) of symptoms and information. The rest of this post is a combination of Patricia’s book and a few points I have thrown in from my experience.

When my husband and I took our two adopted girls for intensive RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) therapy. The therapists said narcissism is a common symptom of RAD. But, we live in a narcissistic society so narcissism is found—at some level—in everyone. I repented for six of the 34 symptoms and allowed the Lord to change me.

(The purpose of this post is to help you identify narcissistic behaviors in yourself and those around you)


The Spirit of Narcissism

(NPD = Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

 A. Fueled by:

  1. Self–exaltation or self-idolatry
  2. Pride
  3. Self-absorption
  4. Self-focus

B. Clues:

  1. Unable to love or connect with anyone outside themselves.
  2. The rejection a narcissist gives others severely hurts those who love him or her.
  3. They involve themselves in egotistical pursuits, offering self-gratification, dominance and self- ambition to the exclusion of others.
  4. Inflated sense of their importance and a deep need for admiration.
  5. They believe they are superior to others and have little regard for others feelings.
  6. Behind the mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem – vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
  7. Friends or spouses feel a need to tippy toe on ice around them.
  8. Can have a landing strip enabling demonic control to take over.

C. Satan is the Ultimate Narcissist

  1. Ezek. 28:12-17 & Isa. 14:12-14
  2. He lived in a perfect environment of love, blessing, purity and glory, yet he chose to sin. He directed the worship and focus of others unto himself

D. Nature of Deception

  1. When you’re deceived, you don’t know it.
  2. Rebellion vs. Deception: Rebellion is when you know what is right and deliberately choose wrong. Deception is when you actually believe you are right. What you believe feels like truth but it isn’t. Narcissism is rooted in deception.
  3. Best safeguard to deception is an accountability team around you- those who will lovingly speak truth.
  4. It’s dangerous to have “yes men” because then the narcissist will never find truth or freedom.
  5. If narcissists don’t submit to accountability – it can infect those around them to become narcissistic too.

E. Symptoms

  1. 34 symptoms in Patricia’s book
  2. Scriptures: Prov.16:18, Mark 9:35, & Matt.18:4

F. Fruit of Narcissism

  1. Broken relationships and covenants
  2. Rejection
  3. Division in homes, workplaces, spheres of influence, relationships and church
  4. Mental illness (breakdowns, sociopathic behavior in severe cases)
  5. Criminal activity
  6. Narcissist’s cause emotional abuse

G. Overcoming Narcissism

  1. Narcissism can be overcome
  2. Admit you need help and give yourself an honest evaluation
  3. You need a true heartfelt repentance
  4. Commit to die to self
  5. Deal with the roots
  6. Generational iniquity is a common root of narcissism.
  7. Childhood rejection, abuse and/or neglect is a common root of narcissism.
  8. Recognize and change any taught behavior patterns.
  9. Don’t require celebrity treatment.
  10. Follow Jesus and determine to live out of your spirit rather than your soul.
  11. Move in the opposite spirit which is humility and teachability.
  12. Renew you mind with scripture.
  13. Renounce spirit(s) associated with narcissism. It usually pairs with pornographic activity.
  14. Be filled with the spirit.

H. Narcissism & relationships

  1. Friendship with a narcissist is usually shallow, one-sided, unfulfilling and aggravating.
  2. Relationship usually turns to what supports the narcissist’s needs for affirmation, attention, endorsement, and association.
  3. If the personal benefit to the narcissist wanes in the friendship the relationship usually is terminated or is placed at arms length by the narcissist.
  4. They never labor with a pure motive to bless and encourage others unless it helps their agenda for success, increase, popularity, or promotion.
  5. They are competitive, prone to jealousy, ostentatious and often create strife in the workplace or ministry due to selfish agendas.
  6. They are not teachable and resist discipline.
  7. Marriage: Spouse lives with rejection, grueling demands, lack of attention, control, emotional manipulation and are dominated through shame and blame. Spouse is used as a showpiece to prop the narcissist image. Example: a “trophy wife”.
  8. A narcissist will always need more for themselves: Material things, more love, praise, attention, time for themselves, preferential treatment and more help. They seldom think of or care about the needs of their spouse unless it enhances their image or benefits them.
  9. Of those who struggle with a narcissist spirit – 75 percent are male.

I. Behavior patterns found in a narcissistic spouse:

  1. Acts out in verbally aggressive behaviors
  2. When confronted or opposed – places blame or shame; accuses
  3. Insensitive to their spouse – the world revolves around them only
  4. Controlling and manipulating
  5. Shows rage or outbursts of anger when their spouse disagrees with them, or makes them look bad in front of others
  6. Often spends outside their budget. Depends financially on their spouse and asks for the spouse to help fund things for them. If the spouse withholds – they get upset and are often accusative and enraged. The opposite is also true for some. They are breadwinners for the family but withhold finances from their spouse and use the household funds for their own goals, purposes, and pleasure.
  7. Talk about themselves constantly and seldom seem interested in the life, needs or interests of their spouse.
  8. Expects special treatment from their spouse.
  9. Very sensitive if they are insulted even in the most subtle way (spouses usually feel like they are walking on thin ice and must be careful how they word things or voice complaints)
  10. Shows one side of their personality in public but another side in private. They are hypocritical and can go out of their way to impress others.
  11. Spouse can feel emotionally battered and confused.
  12. Spouses’ self-esteem can diminish to the point they have none.




I will talk on how the parents of narcissistic adopted children or spouses of a narcissistic spouse can find healing in my next post. I encourage you to purchase Patricia’s book. Her website is and you can find the book in the store on her website.

 Please comment below. I would love to hear from you!

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Adoption and the Stmptom of Narcissism – Part Two | Abba Father's Love
  2. Trackback: What Power is Behind You Vs. RAD? – Part One | Abba Father's Love
  3. Trackback: Adoptive Fathers as Protectors | Abba Father's Love
  4. Trackback: Delusions of Grandeur and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) – What? | Abba Father's Love
  5. Trackback: Adoptive Mothers – Take Your Place: | Abba Father's Love

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