Creating Adoption Walls

Creating Walls and Adoption Walls

 My last post was about vows, pain and adoption issues. I talked about when life can be painful – causing us to make vows in our hearts which can be in direct contrast to how our destiny is supposed to be fulfilled. Please have a look.

Today I am going to talk about adoption walls. I also want to reiterate that this blog is about encouraging foster and adoptive families going through tough issues with foster and adopted children. All of my posts are intended to speak into this  and offer points of view you may not have thought about. Please read further.


Creation of walls:

Today I’m going to continue talking about healing tools by discussing walls. Walls are the way we keep others at a distance so we don’t get hurt again. (Sounds a lot like vows doesn’t it?) Walls, pain and vows work in tandem. Repeated emotional trauma is a different element to these topics which causes walls to become very thick and difficult to penetrate. Not everybody has experienced trauma, but everybody has felt pain and vows which produce walls.



Painful reoccurring experiences are the foundation of walls. The following are examples of situations causing walls to form as a result of pain and vow-making.

  1. Pain occurs:

Example: You get made fun of or berated to the point of frustration in a public setting. As a result, you feel ashamed and embarrassed.

2. Vow is made as a result of the painful situation that occurred:

Example: “I vow I will never again be vulnerable to anyone about my personal feelings so that they can use my information against me in public!”

Granted it is wisdom to not divulge personal information to just anyone but making a vow like this closes off the potential for any meaningful relationships to develop.

3. Wall is built as a result of similar painful situations re-enforcing our vow:

It’s possible that several other vows have been made. The wall is created in effort to keep people at a distance in accordance to the vow(s) that have been made.

4. If trauma or abuse occurs, this can cause very thick walls to be formed:

A person who has dealt with trauma is usually “shattered inside”—or has learned to disassociate and fragment themselves in order to not allow for their whole person to be exposed to pain. This results is an inability of their whole person to be present in the moment.

Trauma can cause people to disappear emotionally (or allow parts of themselves to disappear emotionally) in order to survive.


Healing and our adopted child:

 It is important for us (as the parents) to deal with our pain, vows and walls in order to help our adopted child to do the same. We can allow God access to our pain in order to heal it. Next, we break agreement with our vows and allow God to take down our walls.

Much like many adults, every adopted child deals with pain, vows and walls. Many also deal with thick walls and trauma. So, if you are interested – I am a life coach at Give the office a call and tell them that you have been following my blog. My name is Laurie and someone will be happy to help you make an appointment with me. I would be glad to help you or your child.


Please make a comment in the box below if you have a thought about what I have shared about. Will be talking with you next time. Thanks for listening! Until next week…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: What Does Your Adopted Child Need Most from You? | Abba Father's Love

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