Four Landing Strips and Adoption issues

Four Landing Strips…

 

 For those who are just joining this post let me explain the purpose of this blog:

 My husband and I adopted two girls from Thailand. We were told about RAD and the adoption agency simply said, “If your girls were in foster care – you had nothing to be concerned about.” Well, this proved to be completely incorrect information and both girls have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). We have learned they had RAD before we even applied for their adoption. RAD occurs at the time the birth mother gives the child up and the child (at only days old) decides not to bond to anyone. They choose to not let anyone close to their heart to hurt them ever again. This causes major bonding issues for the child and wreaks havoc in an adoptive home.

I’ve talked extensively about RAD in previous post including a symptom list and how our girls manifested the symptoms. (The symptom list is from Dr. Keck’s book titled, “Parenting the Hurt Child”). Please have a look.

Now I’m in the midst of sharing healing tools which adoptive parents can use to heal their wounded and disillusioned hearts caused from the pain and rejection radiating from your RAD adopted child. The point is – if you can get healed then you can help your adopted child heal too. RAD abuse from your adopted child is hard enough to live with let alone if your heart is already rejected and hurting as a result of other destructive relationship(s) or your own issues.

My last post was about burden bearing . Please have a look . It will be helpful concerning healing for you and your child.

Today’s topic is on the four landing strips to our soul. There are other landing strips but these four are the most predominate. So, let’s begin.

 

Four Landing Strips:

 1)     Fearworry, unbelief, the need to control, anxiety, isolation, apathy, and turning to drugs and alcohol for peace.

2)     Anger – bitterness, envy, gossiping, slander, self-hatred (low self- worth) and hatred.

3)     Sexual Sin adultery, pornography, fornication, lewdness, molestation, rape, fantasy.

4)     Occult/Witchcraft  – black magic, crazy 8 ball, astrology, fortune telling, séances, manipulation, tarot cards, ouija board, freemasons, light as a feather, Eastern Stars, voodoo, spells, witch doctoring, incantations, rainbow girls, charms, palm reading, necromancy (calling up the dead), potions, shape shifting, wishing stars, rabbit’s foot, tea leaves, superstitions, pharmacia (drugs and alcohol altering our senses), magic, cursing, death wishing, astral projecting, and blood rituals, etc.

 

Process:

 Satan takes every opportunity to mess things up for us. Scripture says he comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”). We can’t give Satan a landing strip to get his claws into us. His four favorite landing strips above are the way he gets the chance to steal, kill and destroy. YUCK!!

We live in a society that doesn’t think the above landing strips will effect anything in our lives. If that is the way you feel then this post won’t help you in any way. You are entitled to your own opinion as am I!  But, if you do agree with me or are beginning to see that participation in these things are causing your life to take an undesired turn downward – then keep reading.

More and more the participation in the above landing strips are commonplace or have happened because of being naive to Satan’s schemes. He is Satan sneaky for sure. Or it can be a generational curse on your family that keeps happening over and over. (I have talked about generational curses in other posts. Take a look.) The good thing is – God is on our side and he has a way of escape and healing. There may be some soul ties that need to be broken too. (I have talked about soul ties in previous posts. Please have a look)

 

The Point:

 If you don’t want the landing strips in your life and want freedom – then there is a way to be free. I feel it would be better if someone was helping you so I can offer some assistance because I am a life coach at a facility called unleashedhealingcenter.com. Check it out and call in for an appointment if you wish. Someone will help you. Tell them you have been following my blog. My name is Laurie and you can set up an appointment with me.

 

How This Applies to Your Adopted Child?

 The goal is for our landing strips to be shut down so Satan doesn’t have access to our lives. I think it is safe to say we all have landing strips that could be open.  If that is true then it is true for your child. I feel the fear landing strip is opened to most if not all adopted children. Then I would say for one reason or another the RAD adopted child seems attracted to the three other landing strips. At least that has been my experience in talking with other adoptive families.

 

In Conclusion:

 I hope this has been an eye opener post. We all need God’s help and He loves us and our desperately hurting adopted children. If you have a comment on what I have written about please comment in the comment box below. I would love to help you!

 I’ll share on another healing tool next time. Be talking to you…

Burden Bearing and Your Adopted Child

Burden Bearing 

 I hope you enjoyed my last post on the Joharian window! Today I’m going share on the topic of “Burden Bearing.” Burden bearing has been a frequent issue needing addressed in my own life, as well as the lives of my coaching clients.

 

 Personal effects of burden bearing:  “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

Burden bearing has affected me greatly, even as a small child. I can sense when someone is hurting, in pain or angry. Many times I would desire to “fix” the situation for the other person and oftentimes didn’t know how to fix it. More importantly, I tried to fix it when it wasn’t something God was asking me to fix.

I didn’t know what to do with this insightful information I sensed about others’ feelings. I didn’t communicate with my parents what was happening inside me, simply because I thought that everyone sensed the feelings of others the same way I did. Other times, I didn’t know what to do with my own personal feelings. Therefore, I stuffed my own feelings and all the ones I was sensing around me.

Looking back, I realize my mom reacted the same way. I was just emulating what I saw to be true in the parental example playing out before me. Just as I didn’t know any better, neither did my mom. Scripture says that we are to bear one another’s burdens. This drove me to ask the question: How is this really supposed to be lived out?

 

We get in God’s way when we live in burden bearing:

 There is a fine line between bearing someone’s burdens and enabling someone. When we try and rescue someone out of their responsibilities or feelings, then carrying one another’s burdens has crossed that line. We are to cry with those who cry, but rescuing them out of their situation or feelings (when God is not leading you to) prevents God from teaching a life lesson.

Everyone is supposed to have their own feelings. God created us like that and like Him. When we take on someone’s feelings we are trying to take on part of them. Sensing someone’s feelings isn’t wrong but trying to take their feelings on is very wrong. People who are very merciful struggle with separating the two.

We are to empathize with others but when we sympathize with others it causes that person to live in a place of self-pity. Empathy is the ability to identify with or understand another’s situation or feelings. Sympathy is feelings of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; commiseration.

 

 Life Lessons:

 We are created to learn life lessons intertwined in a relationship with the Trinity. Each lesson teaches us who they are FOR us, and allows for them to heal what they couldn’t be FOR us in other situations from our past. We see a new facet of them with each lesson or  emotion if we purpose to connect with them through it all.

If we are in touch with the Trinity, all feelings (positive or negative) cause us to search for a higher being and for greater revelation about life. The Trinity is always the answer. They are masters at setting up situations in our life that bring meaning. Amazingly enough, it is through feelings, and sometimes tough situations.

So, crossing the line into burden bearing cheats a person out of some of the most meaningful memories of their life. The Trinity encompass the most impactful beings in the universe and to get in their way by burden bearing is downright intrusive. It prevents the person we are attempting to “save” from receiving the full impact of the Trinity’s lovingkindness.

 

How Burden Bearing Effects Our Body, Soul and Spirit:

 Each burden bearer may live out burden bearing in a unique way. Universally, burden bearing is very tiresome to the soul. It puts the soul in “first place” (instead of our spirit) when we align ourselves with the Trinity. Our soul gets weary when we are out of alignment. We then depend on our own soulish self-effort to get us through. Soulish self-effort is the quickest way to exhaustion.

 

The right alignment:

1) Be led by your spirit who is being led by the Holy Spirit.

2) Your soul submits to your spirit who follows the Holy Spirit.

3) Your body submits to the other two parts who are in submission to the Holy Spirit.

When you are in proper alignment then your soul isn’t over worked. All direction and instruction for your life come from the Trinity who are communicating to your spirit. We are then led by the Holy Spirit who leads us into rest and peace. From this place, we receive Kingdom revelation and wisdom to do the right thing. Then, the burden is on the Trinity to lead and instruct us in what to do and how to live our day.

 

Nancy to the Rescue:

 I once heard Nancy Foriet deliver a powerful message on this topic. She shared that we are to bear one another’s burdens but we are not supposed to keep them. Once we intercede for the burden that God is putting on our hearts, we are to cast them back onto the Lord. (Psalm 55:22)

If you burden bear, then you are probably an intercessor. We have the privilege of partnering with God in prayer, which is why you’re sensing something in the first place. God wants to include you in His day and He chooses prayer and relationship with Him to accomplish this. He is touching your heart and feelings (Burden bearing) so you will pray with Him and then turn the burden over to Him. WOW!!

 

Nancy came up with a practical steps to deal with burden baring:

Burden Bearing Steps

 1)     Pray for discernment of what you are picking up: a person, a people group, a nation, the land, yourself or generational iniquity.

2)     Declaration:

  1. Lord, You are the answer.
  1. You are THE Intercessor.
  1. I am AN intercessor (I proclaim dependence on you).

3)     Lord, I pray for ________________. (the burden, person, etc.)

4)     I bring YOU the burden and LAY IT DOWN.

5)     Lord, please TAKE the burden.

 Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He shall sustain you”

 (Found on www.TruthMinistriesCA.com)

 

 What does this have to do with our adoptive children?

 I’m sure by now you have realized how this applies to you and your relationship with your adopted child. Pray for them and then turn all your burdens for them over to the Lord. He sees all the issues (if there are any) and He will be faithful to you both! Trust the Lord to be amazing and your daily savior.

Please leave your comments in the box below. I’ll share on another tool next week. Until then…

Joharian Window and Adoption

Joharian Window and Adoption

The next healing tool I’m sharing about is the Joharian window. The men who developed this window were named Joe and Harry – therefore the name of this window is a meshing of their two names.

The heart of this blog is about helping families that have fostered or adopted and are having problems with issues such as RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). I have talked about several issues attached to RAD in previous posts which you may find helpful if you are struggling.

The last two posts were about the four traps we can fall into, how they apply to any relationship and the effect it has on the relationship we have with our adopted children. Please have a look.

 

Joharian Window:

  

                SELF SELF
O T H E R S              Public Private
O T H E R S                 Blind Subconscious

 

Public: Information about yourself that others have access to.

Private: Information about yourself that only you have access to.

Blind: Information about yourself that only others have access to but you don’t.

Subconscious: Information about yourself that neither you nor others have access to but only God knows.

The importance of the Blind and Subconscious windows:

Our behaviors and attitudes understood by others (and not ourselves) are generated through information in our subconscious—information we aren’t even aware of consciously. This is how strongholds are created and why everyone needs to go through a process of life coaching (or what we call “un-reeling”) in order to walk in wholeness and healing.

 

Below I’ve defined five key terms or phrases:

 1. Life Coaching: When a life coach walks us through practical steps to improve our lives by implementing powerful actions moving our life in a positive direction.

2.  Un-reeled: When we allow the Lord to take out the lies that we believe and replace them with His truth – much like taking a movie film strip out of a film projector and replacing it with a different film.

3.  Stronghold: A lie planted in our subconscious giving Satan influence in our lives through our agreement. The lie can be developed through the personal perceptions of experiences and relationships, inner vows and generational curses.

4.  An Inner Vow:  An inner vow is a vow you make as a reaction to a bad or good experience. For example: I have talked in previous posts about the vow a RAD adopted child makes when he realizes his birth mom has abandoned him. The RAD adopted child then can vow to not let anyone close enough to hurt him so deeply again.

 5. Generational Curse: A generational curse is a curse that results from one of your ancestors sinning. The sin causes a curse and that curse is passed down to the third and fourth generation.

 

The Point of This Post:

My mission through this blog is to help facilitate healing to adoptive families. As adoptive parents, the best way to help our children is to get help for ourselves first. Walking in wholeness and healing personally will encourage our entire families to do the same. With this thought process in mind, the blind and subconscious boxes in our own lives need to be attended to and submitted to God for His help.

There are behaviors that are rooted in both our blind boxes and our subconscious boxes. The goal with the following practices is to allow our close friends and the Trinity to help us identify behaviors, thought processes, lies, strongholds, inner vows and generational curses that need broken and dealt with. Dealing with the root causes of our behaviors will allow for lasting change and total healing.

 

How do we do this?

 The Blind box is the one that everyone sees and you don’t. Kind of scary isn’t it? The idea that others can see something about ourselves that we can’t see is unsettling. But, the Lord wants us to be overcomers and is willing to save us (once again) from ourselves. Thank goodness!!

A trusted friend can help with the blind box if they love you and want to see you thrive and succeed. Just ask them to gently speak into your life. Be receptive, teachable and not given to offense. Remember that you are blinded to this part of your life and are asking for their help.

 

Steps:

1) Listen to what they have to say and take it to the Lord because HE is the one who heals.

2) Ask if what was divulged is true and if the Lord says yes – repent and ask if there is a lie attached to the issue. If there is – break agreement with the lie and ask the Lord for the truth.

3) Receive the truth

4) Then make a conscious effort to go to God and ask Him to renew your mind and change your heart until you are changed. He is your healer and you can’t heal yourself in your own effort.

5) Keep in mind, this is about a close relationship with Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. They want to use every situation to be something for you that they never had the opportunity to be for you until this issue. They want to come alongside and be everything to you and for you. They will express unconditional love at every turn with a healing touch. You can never wear them out with your need for freedom.

 

Subconscious Box:

 The subconscious box is un-nerving too! We all have things in our subconscious that need healing. The steps in the above section work here, too. Now we allow God in the place that the close friend was in with the blind box section. God wants to be our trusted friend and loving Father. He desires for us to thrive and succeed. So, give Him a chance to be for you what He didn’t get a chance to be for you until now. Remember, He can be many things that we as humans can’t ever be – such as healer, provider, protector, banner of love, and our peace, etc.

 

Adoption Application:

This applies to adoptive families simply because we as adults need to be actively searching God about our own healing and relationship with Him. Then we can see and help our children get the healing and heavenly love they need. God sees the whole picture – for all concerned. Let Him have His way with ourselves and the ones we love!

 

Please make a comment in the box below. I would love to converse with you.  I’ll share on another healing tool next time. Until next week…