Growing Fast

Progression

Time progressed and sadly our two adopted daughters definitely struggled with this and that. Our first adopted daughter was very good at sizing people up as to who she could emotionally manipulate and/or control in every situation she was in. She never truly bonded with anyone but seemed to have a special place in her heart for our second adopted daughter. This daughter struggled with school, relationships, possessions, anger and personal space. She never bonded with anyone either. She did make a friend in school but only because the friend was meek and allowed her to boss her around, control her, and use her like a puppet. Both girls would hug me in public even going into “loving dramas” on purpose in front of anyone who would listen, but then would treat me like dirt at home as long as dad wasn’t around.

Death in the Family

When our first adopted daughter was in third grade we got the terrible news that her biological mom passed away. We knew her birth mom was terminally sick because that is why our daughter was put up for adoption in the first place. She  was devastated, as she should be, and from this point forward started spiraling down, down, and down to the bottom. She grew more sullen and seemed to spend much more of the daytime in a day-dream.

Both girls began to lie to the point of absurdity. Then came the sneaky actions and breaking of our trust. Even though I spent a tremendous amount of time instilling values, they seemed to decide to completely ignore them all. The doctors told us that both girls had RAD (reactive attachment disorder).

RAD

From this point on in this blog most of what I will be talking about has to do with RAD, foster and adoption issues so if that is your need – you are in the right place. There are a wide variety of issues to discuss so come back next week. Until then…

 

Adoption

2 Steps Back – Identities

For the sake of protecting the identities of my adopted girls I am going to tell you my name, which is Laurie, but not the true names of my adopted daughter’s. I want to honor their privacy so I will call our children the first adopted daughter and our second adopted daughter.

3 Makes the Quiver Full (continuation of 1st article)

Two years later my  husband and I are on the plane for Thailand along with our oldest daughter (biological) who is now around ten years old. We agreed to adopt another little girl who is around 20 months old. This trip is very difficult because this new little girl (our second adopted girl)  is intensely upset almost the whole time we are there. Understandably so because she is loosing everything she knows.  We schedule an extra meeting with the agency because we are suspicious that there’s some severe special needs concerning this new little one. The agency assures us she is perfectly fine and all her neurological tests are normal. According to those findings we bring her home.

Puzzlement

This little one was puzzling and amazingly strong. In Thailand they told us even before 20 months old, she was climbing trees. In our house she loved to re-arranging our furniture especially our couch. We had to watch her closely with animals because she didn’t seem to begin to know how to be gentle in any fashion of the word. Over the years she destroyed many things including taking scissors to our couch and ripping her toys apart even though she knew better. Look out animals and insects even at an appropriate age level of understanding.

Conclusion:

Come back next week as I continue with our story…